A letter for my other half

Happy bornday, Mash.
You've come this far to realize that, in the end, no one will take your side but you,
In the end, you have only you to rely on to,
In the end, if there is one person who fights for you, it's you.
Anyone can hurt you,
smile at you while stab you in your back,
comfort you today and betray you the next day,
say that they love you and leave you right away.
Anyone can hide away the truth from you,
and just keep telling you lies until you distrust yourself.

Anyone can use you,
for whatever is convenient for them,
and leave you bleeding when they have all the fun by themselves,
laughing out loud upon your grief and sadness.
Anyone can promise you the world,
only to break it even before they finish their sentence.

If no one else remembers, it's okay, Mash,
only you need to remember,
that you should never hurt you,
that you must not lie to you,
and don't you ever use yourself for their benefit.
Only you have the rights to promise anything to you.
Anyone can blame you for problems they make for themselves,
gaslighting you,
manipulating you until you have no faith in your self,
until you start doubting and blaming you too.
Don't give in, Mash. Don't give in.
Don't take responsibility for mistakes created by others.

Mash,
There will be days just as hard as these past days,
But when those days come, please read this again and remember,
That you are enough,
You are loved.

Your patience and perseverance are not a weakness,
Those are your strength.
And you deserve all joy and blessings for all of your hard work.

If no one writes a poem for you,
write it on your own.
If no one gives you a sweater,
or lends you a jumper,
wear one on your own.
If no one writes you a love song,
hear your favorite songs,
your idols made them for you.
If no one pays for your meal,
or buys you shoes and clothes,
you have your own money to buy them.
If no one is longing for you,
if no one wants you,
if no one desires you,
it's their loss, not yours,
you are complete even without their longing and desires.
If someone leaves you,
if someone betrays you,
if someone steps on your gown,
it's not because your lack of something,
it's because their lack of conscience.
People cheat because they want to cheat.

Mash,
It's okay to cry sometimes,
Crying doesn't make you weak,
It's just a sign that you are human and you have a heart.

It’s okay to touch your body for your own pleasure,
Do not ever be ashamed,
For it is not a desperation,
But rather a liberation,
You don’t need a man’s hand to reach orgasm.

If someday your heart turns stone cold,
And you feel like you can't love again,
It's okay too,
Because the pain that has been engraved on your soul, it changes you,
And it's okay to change while forgiving those people who have engraved the pain on your soul.

If someday you find peace in your heart,
Congratulations,
But never forget what you've been through,
Never forget what you feel today,
Because this is a lesson learned,
That in the end, no one will defend you but you,
No one will protect you but you,
No one will run to you but you.
Forgive, but never forget.

Lastly,
Everytime you feel sad,
Just listen to Kim Kwang Suk's "Around Thirty",
And believe me,
As long as you don't die at 33 just like him,
40s will come in no time.

With love,
Your other-half,
Jesikasavage

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