Wide Awake



I called you out last night,
but you couldn't hear it,
as you were asleep,
dreaming of I did not know what,
I only hoped it was a beautiful dream,
even if it means that I was not in it.

I called you out, softly,
I was crying,
and I was so confused why,
you were here next to me
but it felt empty inside,
you were here by my side
but I could feel the distance between us.

I called you out, softly,
it hurt that it felt like I don't know you anymore,
it hurt that it felt like you were not here with me,
it hurt I could not stop my tears from streaming down my face.
I called you out in the darkness of our room,
I thought it was enough for me that you're here,
even though I only saw your back,
but I guess I was wrong.

I guess I was longing to be touched,
to feel loved as I used to feel from you back then.
I guess I was longing to be kissed,
deeply and rough yet gentle at the same time,
passionately as if it was our last day living in this world.
I guess I was longing to make love to you,
meeting you skin to skin in a burning desire,
having you being inside of me like you do with no one else.

...but that was long gone.
And I miss that.
I miss you now more than ever,
now that you are here,
that you are near,
now it hurts more than ever,
now that you feel far,
though you are near.

Now that I'm wearing guilt as my clothes,
and that you won't undress me.
Now that I'm bearing pain on my lips,
and that you won't kiss it away.
Now that I'm holding imperfection within me,
and that you won't caress it.
...with all of your heart.

Now that you give it all away for someone else,
and that I am alone touching myself.
Now that you're dreaming of someone else,
and that I am left waiting till I don't know when.
Now that you sleep soundly,
and that I am wide awake, lonely.

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