The End of this Feeling

I found a piece of quote when I was roaming around the social media timeline. It goes: one of the hardest things to do in life is letting go of what we thought was real. Well, I guess it has a point. I’ve lived long enough now to understand that real things are rare these days. Hence, when we know we’ve found one thing we feel is real, we won’t let go of it so easily. We would hold onto that. We would hold onto that with all we might. However, at times, things don’t always go as we planned. And at some point in life, we lost something once we thought was real. Somehow, at some point, the universe forces some things that are hard for us to bear. And the next thing we know is that we must face the situation where we have to let go of that one thing we hold most dear. We have to deal with that. And we have to cope with all of the consequences. However, we face it when we face it. As hard as it is, we must face it. As difficult as it is, we must deal with it. And we are left here wondering: whether we will be able to see the end of this feeling?

“I’m drowning in loneliness, when I realize that you’re no longer here now.” –Samsons, The End of This Feeling (Akhir Rasa Ini)

This song is still from the Indonesian pop rock band, Samsons. It is titled “The End of This Feeling (Akhir Rasa Ini)”. It was released on November 25th 2005 in Indonesia as the part of the band’s debut studio album, “Man’s Intuition (Naluri Lelaki)”. It was later released as a single on April 18th 2006. The pop rock track was written by Irfan Aulia, the band’s guitarist. It follows the story of someone who has to let go of the person they hold most dear as they wonder whether the feeling they have towards that person will ever be able to end.


"Naluri Lelaki (Special Edition)" album cover | source: discogs.com

The aftermath of a goodbye is always the worst. We are trapped in the loneliness as we’re losing the person we used have beside us; as we used to have someone to share every of our moment with. We are drowned in painful heartbreak as we’re losing warmth we used to feel inside our heart; as we used to have pictures of our future plans with that person in it. We’re struggling to face the reality that the person is no longer here with us anymore. We’re battling with the growing pain from being left stranded all alone in the edge of the cold world. And we cannot help but wondering whether we could hold on for any longer. We’re broken and devastated. And we cannot help but wondering whether we could survive from this suffering. We’re torn and crumbling apart. And nothing can seem to make us better and even fix us. We’re alive but not living. “I’m drowning in loneliness, when I realize that you’re no longer here now. Until when will I be able to hold on? I’m hobbled to live this whole life story of mine.”
The aftermath of a separation is always the hardest. And the hardest part is probably the lingering feeling that does not seem to fade away. And the hardest part is perhaps the haunting memories that do not seem to go away. And it’s actually not the bad memories that are killing us the most, but rather the good memories; for we’ve come to realization that those good memories will never be able to come back again. And we probably won’t be able to experience things as good as the memories that have been created. They are carved on the wall of our heart. They are beautifully settled in the depth of our soul. “Every memory that has been carved will never be replaced, it’s beautifully settled and attached in the heart. All of the feelings that have been created in my mind and in my hopes, will it be over?” Those memories are forever attached in our mind. And we are left here wondering whether it will ever be over. “All of the stories that have been created in my mind and in my hopes, will it be over?”
The aftermath of a farewell is always the most difficult. And the most difficult part is probably when we’ve come to realization that those memories that have been made will never be replaced with anything. And the most difficult part is perhaps when we’ve come to understanding that those stories that have been created will never be replaced with anything. And the most difficult part is probably when we’ve come to know that the feeling that has been carved will never be over. “Will never be replaced, the memories that have been carved, settled in the heart. Will never be replaced, the feeling that has been created in my hopes.” Our mind and our hopes know that it will never be replaced. Our mind and our hopes know it all too well that it will never be over. Indeed, it is not easy to erase things that we’ve built for a long time. And it is not easy to switch off things that we’ve been lighting on for so long. Hence we can’t seem to see the end of it. “All of this feeling, will never end, will never be replaced, all of this feeling, will never end.”
Feeling is not something we can easily switch on and off just like that. Feeling is something we build constantly from time to time. Feeling is something preserve carefully. Hence, it is not something that we can easily erase. And I guess it is hard to tell whether there is the end line of the feeling. We may be able to bury it. We may be able to transform it into something different. However, the feeling is always there. We found it or it came to us and we have been preserving it for all these times. Hence, it cannot stop just like that. The feeling, the memories, the stories; they are beautifully carved inside us. They have made us who we are today. They are settled and attached in us. And the reason being why it got so deep like that is because it was real. The feeling, the memories, the stories; they are real. They were real. And it is hard to let go of something we think is real. It’s hard to let go of something we thought was real. And perhaps, what breaks us apart the most is the fact that we have to deal with the sense of betrayal of questioning whether it was really and truly real.

“Every memory that has been carved will never be replaced, it’s beautifully settled and attached in the heart. All of the feelings that have been created in my mind and in my hopes, will it be over?” –Samsons, The End of This Feeling (Akhir Rasa Ini)




Terlarut aku dalam kesendirian, saat aku menyadari tiada lagi dirimu kini
(I’m drowning in loneliness, when I realize that you’re no longer here now)
Sampai kapankah aku mampu bertahan? Tertatih aku jalani semua kisah hidupku ini
(Until when will I be able to hold on? I’m hobbled to live this whole life story of mine)

Tak akan terganti setiap kenangan yang telah terukir, yang terendap indah dan melekat di hati
(Every memory that has been carved will never be replaced, it’s beautifully settled and attached in the heart)
Akankah berakhir semua rasa yang telah tercipta di dalam benakku dan di dalam asaku?
(All of the feelings that have been created in my mind and in my hopes, will it be over?)

Terlarut aku dalam kesendirian, saat aku menyadari tiada lagi dirimu kini
(I’m drowning in loneliness, when I realize that you’re no longer here now)

Tak akan terganti setiap kenangan yang telah terukir, yang terendap indah dan melekat di hati
(Every memory that has been carved will never be replaced, it’s beautifully settled and attached in the heart)
Akankah berakhir semua kisah yang telah tercipta di dalam benakku dan di dalam asaku?
(All of the stories that have been created in my mind and in my hopes, will it be over?)

Tak akan terganti, kenangan yang terukir, endapkan di hati
(Will never be replaced, the memories that have been carved, settled in the heart)
Tak akan terganti, rasa yang t’lah tercipta di dalam asaku
(Will never be replaced, the feeling that has been created in my hopes)
Semua rasa ini, tak akan berakhir, tak akan terganti, semua rasa ini, tak akan berakhir
(All of this feeling, will never end, will never be replaced, all of this feeling, will never end)

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