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pieces of me

“Just because something is not a lie, it doesn’t mean that it’s the truth.” –Kang Chul (W, 2016)

“Everyone looks at the appearance instead of looking at the context, and they believe it as a fact.” –Kang Chul (W, 2016)

“You know a lot about me and I don’t know anything about you. So you have to give me a chance to catch up with that.” –Kang Chul (W, 2016)

“Thank you for not forgetting me, and for missing me.” –Kang Chul (W, 2016)

“I am one of those people who want your life to have a happy ending.” –Oh Yeon Joo (W, 2016)

Talking about the drama series that became my savior last year, “W” was also one of them. First time I watched this drama series was last year, and this was the first drama series I watched back then since I began the long distance relationship with my partner. Back then, I feel related to this drama series at some point (I will explain later on in this review). And now when I re-watched it again in order to make this review, I found some new perspective is related to my current situation. I guess it’s true that we can find different meaning by watching the same thing in different times. Back then and now, this drama series gives me a sense of escapism. And indeed, escapism is often needed when the reality bites us too hard. However, in that escapism, we also often can find meaning for the reality. Hence, the escapism is not just merely a place to run away or hide, but rather a place to help us clearing our mind in order to prepare us to face the reality. And this is what I found from “W”. This is a story about finding a meaning; a story about life, and finding its purpose.

"W" official series poster | source: asianwiki.com

Title                        : W/W – Two Worlds/W – Two Worlds Apart
Genre                      : fantasy, romance, action, suspense, thriller
Starring                   : Lee Jong Suk, Han Hyo Joo, Kim Eui Sung, Lee Tae Hwan, Lee Si Eon
Channel                   : MBC
No. of episodes        : 16
Original broadcast    : July – September 2016

Kang Chul (portrayed by Lee Jong Suk) led a tragical yet wonderful life. He was an Olympic gold medalist as a shooting athlete. But some time after that, his whole family was brutally murdered by unknown murderer. Moreover, he was sentenced in jail for being misjudged for killing his own family. When he got released from the prison, he intended to commit suicide, but then he was survived. Some years after that incident, he already moved on and successfully made his life by leading a broadcasting company, accompanied by his two best friends, Yoon So Hee (portrayed by Jung Yoo Jin) who became his secretary and Seo Do Yoon (portrayed by Lee Tae Hwan) who became his right-hand man. During his spare-time outside his formal job as a CEO, he and Do Yoon were acting like the town’s vigilante by helping the police to catch criminals, when it’s all actually a part of his effort to secretly investigate in order to find the real murderer of his family.
However, all of Kang Chul’s story of life was taking place in a comic book titled “W”, created by manhwa artist Oh Seong Moo (portrayed by Kim Eui Sung). Seong Mo’s daughter, Oh Yeon Joo (portrayed by Han Hyo Joo) was a resident doctor. One day, her professor who was a big fan of “W” ordered her to ask about the comic to her father. Due to her parents’ divorce, Yeon Joo had not met her father for a quite long time. Hence, she decided to make a visit as well as fulfilling her professor’s wish. However, she got into her father’s house only to find that her father was missing. Seong Moo’s assistant, Park Soo Bong (portrayed by Lee Si Eon) confessed to her that Seong Moo intended to kill Kang Chul’s character in order to end the comic book. As a fan of the comic book herself, Yeon Joo was against his father decision, and she barged into Seong Moo’s office. She suddenly found herself being dragged into the world of comic book and meeting Kang Chul for real. And with all of her might, she saved Kang Chul from dying.
I guess it is true when people say that we tend to fond of things that we feel related to. And there are things that I feel related to the storyline of “W” the drama series. However, first of all I will talk about creating escapism. Oh Seong Moo created “W” the comic book in order to ‘escape’ from his reality (besides that making comic book is his main job). He created Kang Chul, the protagonist that is a complete opposite of him; young and successful. However, no matter how opposite it is, a creator will always leave a trace of themselves in the character they make. Hence, the misery that Kang Chul had to get through in his life is actually based on Seong Moo’s own misery in life. It’s natural for human to look for or make escapism (particularly when reality feels too hard to bear), but in the escapism itself, we can actually find ourselves. This explains why when Kang Chul becomes alive in real world; there are traits from Seong Moo (who loves Yeon Joo so much and is bounded to be with her) and also some traits from Yeon Joo herself as his creators.
One thing that has successfully tickled my senses is the quiet rare theme brought by the drama series: questioning about our origin. As a creature himself, to be able to have awareness of who he really is, where he came from, and where he will go after he dies, is such a major breakthrough (as well as the major mental breakdown) for Kang Chul. Aren’t those human’s biggest questions? Aren’t we all are curious about the meaning of our existence? However, will getting the answer lead us to a happy ending? I guess as a human being, we’re still too small to understand this universe’s biggest mystery. When we do not have enough mentality strength, I think the knowledge would break us apart. And sad but true, we are weak emotionally. Humans are fragile. We may appear strong physically. We can kill, we can torture, and we can break things easily, physically. However, when it comes to an emotional strength, we are weak creatures. We have ego, we have love, we have hate, we have jealousy, and hence we should have known our own limits.
We should have known our limits, and that is how we could understand what and when to sacrifice things. Oh Seong Moo understands his limits, hence he gives up his life in trade for Kang Chul’s, for he knows it all too well that the person who can make his daughter happy is not him, but Kang Chul. Kang Chul understands his limits, hence he gives up his ego and follows Seong Moo’s wish to stay by Oh Yeon Joo’s side and be with her. Even though he knows he had hurt her before, even though he knows he could not protect her before, he finally takes the courage and confident to take responsibility, for he knows that Yeon Joo will only be happy when they are together; for he knows that Yeon Joo will be more suffered when they are apart. To love is to sacrifice, but most people are mistakenly giving up the love as the form of sacrifice, when it is actually the ego that they have to sacrifice. And thankfully, Kang Chul is able to understand it in the process; that to love is also to not give up, that to love is to keep fighting for it until the end.
The thing that hits me hard as well as hits me home is about the relationship of Kang Chul and Oh Yeon Joo. When I first watched “W” the drama series last year, it hits me home because Kang Chul and Yeon Joo who live two worlds apart; which at that time is not so different with my own situation (the long distance relationship). Hence I was crying so hard for I understood Yeon Joo’s pain when she had to separate with the man she loves (when all she ever wanted was just to live together with him). And though it doesn’t make sense to love him because of the different world they live in, the feeling is never wrong. And she is willing to do literally anything in order for them to be able to be together. And of course, she can’t be the only one who’s fighting for it. In the end (SPOILER ALERT!) when Kang Chul does his best to find his way towards Yeon Joo, I feel so touched. That’s how it should be. For a relationship to be able to go on, two people must work it out together. That’s how they meet each other half way. That’s how they could be together.
When I watch “W” the drama series this time, it hits me hard because it makes me understand better about the male ego. I understand why Kang Chul made his decision to let go of Yeon Joo in the first place (before they finally reunite again). Before, I couldn’t understand why he had to let her go (and even worse, made her suffered because Kang Chul lost his memories of her), but now I understand. It is not simply because he wants to protect her (because it doesn’t make sense; how can you protect someone when you are not with them?), but it’s more about his male ego that is hurting when he know he cannot protect the one he loves. It is his male ego that is hurting because the fact that he may put the woman he loves in danger. This male ego has often led men to let go of their woman for the sake of their safety, but they don’t realize that it’s merely their ego. This male ego has made them think that it’s the best decision to separate, but they don’t realize the aftermath it may cause for the woman. Following the ego is not solving the real problem in the relationship.
If you are too afraid that your woman will be hurt because of you, letting go is not the solution. If you are not confident that you are able to protect your woman, being separated is not the solution. It’s just running away from the real problems, because the real problems can only be solved when we are together. Just see what happened to Yeon Joo after the separation. She’s suffered even more. She’s hurting even more. She’s dying even more. Sadly, most men are too blind to see this reality. They care about their ego more than they care about anything else. Kang Chul made the same mistake at first, but then he realized that his decision was wrong; that his decision had made misery for the one he loves. I guess most men in real life must learn from it. It is not your incapability that drives you apart from the woman you love; it is that you’re just holding on too tight onto your own ego. And I think that men must learn how to let go of their ego. It is not your love that you have to let go, but your ego instead. And letting go of your ego doesn’t make you less of a man; it only makes you human. And that’s a humane thing to do, if you’re really in touch with humanity.
“W” the drama series really has an outstanding storyline, in my opinion. It may seem confusing because the plot is going back and forth; however, in the terms of suspense and action thriller, it really hits the point. I have to note that I really love the couple of main characters here. Lee Jong Suk and Han Hyo Joo successfully build a strong and intense chemistry. I really love to see them together. And I also have to note the outstanding performance from Kim Eui Sung, as he plays the dual character of the protagonist Oh Seong Moo and the evil murderer. In a nutshell, the storyline of “W” is well-built. And along the drama series, we can enjoy wonderful soundtracks too as the companion to the mood of the storyline. “W” has satisfied me in every sense. We can get the drama, the humor, the suspense, the action, and the romance, of course. Just name it! It is able to fulfill us in the time of loneliness and pain. It gives entertainment as well as inspiration and enlightenment. And of course, it is highly recommended to watch.

“I think she has the key to find the reason of my existence.” –Kang Chul (W, 2016)

“You just have to keep your promise. I trust you. That’s why I’m letting you go.” –Kang Chul (W, 2016)

“Now that you gained money, honor and success, you don’t need me. You created me and made me suffer. You became successful by making my life a roller coaster ride.” –Kang Chul (W, 2016)

“Stop looking for reasons and look for a solution.” –Kang Chul (W, 2016)


“Even a hero can fall in love.” –Oh Yeon Joo (W, 2016)
Wrote by Mashita Fandia
“If you need money more than anything else because money will make you happy, that means what you really need is happiness.”–Habaek (Bride of the Water God, 2017)

“I learned that the one who has more should naturally help the one who has less from my father. It’s also natural for the strong to protect the weak. That’s how the world should be. Just because someone has more than you, doesn’t mean that person is stronger than you.”–Yoon So Ah (Bride of the Water God, 2017)

“The ones who smile during hardships are the winners. The ones who endure it are minors. The ones who cry are losers. I guess I’m a loser. I’ve become a loser because of you. You’re a very bad deity. I tried so hard to have a strong heart. I at least had to become a minor if I couldn’t become a winner. Because I’m alone, I had to be strong so that I could prevent myself from crying like a weak-minded person. I thought I became a winner after meeting you. But I can see now that I’ve only become a loser.”–Yoon So Ah (Bride of the Water God, 2017)

“You asked me what we are. I’ve come to hope that you’d be untouched and unharmed by misfortune. You’re not some distant sound that will fade away. I’m saying you’re not an insignificant, fleeting matter. That’s how I’ve come to think of you. I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you. I want you to be my beginning and my ending. I want my mind to be filled with thoughts of you. When they overflow, I want to just let them be. I want my jealousy to be justified, and I don’t want to feel guilty even after punching someone. But to do all of that, I must begin. Like you said, our predestined future won’t change. But, may I begin?”–Habaek (Bride of the Water God, 2017)

“I’d love to live with her, here in this world.”–Habaek (Bride of the Water God, 2017)

Before talking more about “The Bride of the Water God”, I would like to make a confession that the first time I watched this drama series was actually a year ago around the time when it was broadcasted by tvN. I did it before my Korean-drama-fasting period. And unlike usual (where I usually wait until all episodes aired first before starting watching it), I used to follow each episode weekly. It was around July until August last year, and in that time around, somehow I feel related to the storyline of “The Bride of the Water God”. Perhaps that’s why I followed each episode in weekly basis. This is a love story that transcends time, space, and distance. Perhaps it sounds cheesy, but this story had accompanied me during my loneliest time in life. This story had cheered me up during my most painful moment, where I was left alone, along with some consciousness that someone whom I care about the most was out there making moments with someone else. Though it may sound pathetic for you, this story was all I had back then.
"Bride of the Water God" official series poster | source: asianwiki.com

Title                 : The Bride of the Water God/The Bride of Habaek/Bride of Habaek 2017
Genre               : fantasy, drama, romance, comedy, adaptation
Starring            : Shin Se Kyung, Nam Joo Hyuk, Im Joo Hwan, Krystal Jung, Gong Myung
Channel            : tvN
No. of episodes           : 16
Original broadcast       : July – August 2017

“Bride of Habaek 2017” is a South Korean television series broadcasted by cable channel tvN. It was a spin-off of the 2006 manhwa(Korean comic book) by Yoon Mi Kyung, “Bride of the Water God”. The setting of the storyline was taking place in the modern Seoul in 2017; it marked the major difference from the original comic book, which was set in the Joseon period. The storyline follows the titular character, Habaek’s bride, Yoon So Ah (portrayed by Shin Se Kyung), a psychiatrist who wasn’t aware that she was a destined bride of the God of Water, Habaek (portrayed by Nam Joo Hyuk). Habaek was a narcissistic God of Water who was destined to be the King of Gods ever since his existence. When it came the time when he was about to claim the throne, he must fulfill a duty that required him to visit Earth in order to collect three magical stones kept by the Guardian Gods who were living on Earth for hundred years. That was when Habaek had to find So Ah, who was the descendant of human servant of the Gods, in order to seek for help.
However, according to her background, So Ah didn’t believe in Gods and accused Habaek for having a mental illness. Meanwhile, she was struggling with financial issues caused by mountains of debt for she was living alone ever since her mother’s death and her father’s disappearance. After some events, she was made believe that Habaek was indeed a God in the search of three magical stones held by Goddess of Water, Moo Ra (portrayed by Krystal Jung), who lived on Earth as a famous actress called Hyera, God of Wind, Bi Ryeom (portrayed by Gong Myung), who lived on Earth with pseudonym Ahn Bin, and God of Earth, Joo Dong (portrayed by Yang Dong Geun), who was disappeared and nowhere to be found. While still trying to catch up with her new realization of the universe, So Ah found herself being in a complicated relationship between the Gods and Shin Hoo Ye (portrayed by Im Joo Hwan), a demigod disguised as the CEO of a resort. And the most complicated thing for her is: she found herself falling for Habaek.
I was bothered with so many things happened in my life at the time when I watched “Bride of Habaek” for the first time last year. At that time, I was just recently going the distance with my partner; yes, we were having long distance relationship at that time. And it was awful for me. I was strong before we were together, but somehow I just couldn’t remember how to be strong anymore after he left. Apparently, it was because I was stronger when I was with him; just like how Yoon So Ah was when Habaek left her (to the world of Gods) in the middle of the storyline. Apparently, the arrival of someone significant for us is a life-changing moment. It has changed our life. And we can never be the same again. We won’t even remember how to be what we were before their arrival in our life. We may be used to be strong, but since we’ve known how to be stronger, we cannot just switch ourselves back into the way we used to before. No matter how hard or how difficult the situation is, being together is indeed a way better than being alone. 
For this world is already filled with lonely people. And to find someone who is connected with us in a special way is indeed rare. It is rare to have something real; to hold onto someone who is willing to understand and accept us the way we are. Hence, it is so precious. That is what Yoon So Ah felt when she met Habaek. And that is what Habaek also felt when he met So Ah. And that was what I felt too back then. There are people who hold a lot of anger in them, not because they are bad people, but because they feel out of place. They feel like they don’t belong anywhere in this world. That is what happened to Shin Hoo Ye. And watching Hoo Ye had made me realize more that it is indeed so precious to be able to find someone whom we feel belong to; because the feeling of “belong” doesn’t have to be a place, but it can be in a form of another human being too. And that is what I feel towards my partner. Hence, not having that kind of person beside me, particularly during the time when I need him the most, is the thing that is killing me the most.
There is something about Habaek, the character, that somehow reminds me of my own partner. Beside they’re both gorgeous, of course, (but no offense, dear Nam Joo Hyuk’s fans, I’m a fan of him too myself), there are some of Habaek’s traits that are similar to my partner’s. First of all, perhaps it’s about the rich people syndrome; well, no offense for the rich, but I found that people who come from wealthy socio-economic status have this kind of issue that is regarding to superiority/inferiority. And that is what happened to Habaek. He felt superior as well as inferior when he first came to Earth. On one side, he knew he’s a God, hence he felt somewhat superior. On the other side, however, he also felt inferior since Earth is a whole new world for him; it’s a new territory he needs to adapt to. Along in the way, he learned that the biggest responsibility isn’t the throne or wealth, but how to protect and take care of the love given by people who really and truly care for him. He learned about and how to love. And most of all, he learned that a king must know how to listen to his people, but before that, he must know how to listen to his heart and conscience.
In the end, this drama series reminds me that eventually, what we actually need as a human being is a home to come home to. And it is not always manifested in a form of a place or building, but it can be manifested in a form of another human being; the one whom we want to spend our lifetime with. It is the person whom we will always come back home to in the end. And sometimes, this home is not always the place where we should be, but mostly it is the place where we want and need to be. It is the place where we feel belong to. It is the place we want to be. And it is the place that brings us both happiness and sadness; it completes us. And we know it all too well, that for a place like that to be able to be found by us, to be able to exist, it is an inevitable miracle. Hence, once we know we’ve found it, we won’t trade it for anything else. We won’t just let it slip away. We can’t just let it go. We will hold onto it all we might. At this point, this is what gave me strength to hold on back then; this belief that I have found my home. And though he was far apart from me back then, I believe that we will always find our way back home to each other, somehow, someday, we will.
In the beginning, I started to watch “Bride of Habaek 2017” because of the cast. First of all, of course it’s because of Nam Joo Hyuk. And I got very excited to see him on the screen with Shin Se Kyung, one of my favorite Korean actresses. Besides, Krystal Jung and Im Joo Hwan are my two favorites too for supporting actors. And I have to say that they both play a character that you hate to love yet you love to hate, especially Moo Ra. And Hoo Ye is the character that you can’t help but got sympathized to even though he’s the antagonist. I even think that Hoo Ye is more suitable to be referred as an antihero. Moreover, Gong Myung is such a scene-stealer! He's so adorably gorgeous in this drama series. The cast is not disappointing at all, as well as the beautiful cinematography and the soundtrack. However, I feel that the storyline is still lacking at some point in details, not about the whole plot though. In a nutshell, I still think that “Bride of Habaek 2017” is a recommended drama series to watch. The eye-candy factor is far from disappointing. It really gives sugar and stars to your eyes. And for the record, the kissing scene is top notch!

“How do you differentiate a truth from a lie? It’s always true when you believe what you want to believe. Because that’s less difficult and easier for you to manage. In this way, some truth blind people.”–Yoon So Ah (Bride of the Water God, 2017)

“People can survive anything with the strength they have. But if that strength were love, it would be even better.”–Yoon So Ah (Bride of the Water God, 2017)

“No one should criticize you for your sad past, because no one chooses when and where to be born.”–Yoon So Ah (Bride of the Water God, 2017)

“Even if we have to part ways, I want to be able to convince myself that I loved enough.”–Habaek (Bride of the Water God, 2017)

“Just because it appears to be good on the outside, it doesn’t mean it’s really good in the inside.”–Habaek (Bride of the Water God, 2017)
Wrote by Mashita Fandia
Oh, rupanya hari ini adalah Hari Sumpah Pemuda, toh. Baiklah. Pantas saja semangat kepemudaan dan sumpah-sumpahan mulai merajalela di linimasa media sosial. Menurut indikator ‘pemuda’ atau ‘kaum muda’ yang ditahbiskan oleh Undang-Undang Kepemudaan (saya lupa nomor dan tahun berapa, dan sedang malas mencari di mesin Google, maafkan), usia saya sekarang ini termasuk dalam golongan tersebut. Ya, saya adalah pemuda. Terlebih, saya adalah pemuda Indonesia; yang pada hakikatnya telah disumpah dengan Sumpah Pemuda.
Saya bertanah air satu, tanah air Indonesia. Saya berbangsa satu, bangsa Indonesia. Saya berbahasa satu, bahasa Indonesia. Iya, tanah air saya tanah air Indonesia, bukan Majapahit atau Mataram (meskipun tanah yang saya huni adalah tanah warisan leluhur). Iya, bangsa saya bangsa Indonesia, bukan Jawa atau Sunda atau Jawa Timuran (meskipun saya lahir dari keturunan suku tersebut). Iya, bahasa saya bahasa Indonesia, bukan Inggris atau Korea (meskipun saya sering menggunakan dua bahasa tersebut dalam keseharian).
Kita beramai-ramai merayakan Sumpah Pemuda. Namun, apakah kita benar-benar memahami esensi dari Sumpah Pemuda itu sendiri? Sumpah Pemuda lahir melalui hal yang mulia: semangat perjuangan kemerdekaan. Mengapa kemudian persoalan ‘tanah air’, ‘bangsa’, dan ‘bahasa’ menjadi isu yang diangkat dalam sumpah ini? Para bapak pendiri bangsa ini adalah sosok-sosok yang visioner. Sumpah ini sesungguhnya dirancang oleh para bapak pendiri bangsa sebagai motor penggerak pembentukan identitas bangsa, yang digawangi oleh kaum muda, karena para bapak pendiri bangsa ini menyadari bahwa kaum muda merupakan tulang punggung sebuah negara.
Sumpah Pemuda memuat semangat revolusioner yang dicita-citakan oleh bapak pendiri bangsa; bahwa kaum muda Indonesia harus terbebas dari belenggu kolonialisme dan wacana-wacana pascakolonialisme yang, sayangnya, masih menjerat identitas bangsa kita hingga saat ini. Contoh sederhana: masih kuatnya pandangan di masyarakat bahwa lulusan kampus luar negeri dinilai lebih berkualitas dibandingkan lulusan kampus dalam negeri. Contoh sederhana lainnya: masih langgengnya pandangan bahwa produk-produk dari luar negeri dinilai lebih bergengsi daripada produk-produk buatan dalam negeri. Pandangan pascakolonialis seperti contoh-contoh itulah yang sebenarnya ingin dihapus dengan pembentukan identitas kaum muda bangsa melalui revolusi mental dan Sumpah Pemuda.
Lalu, apakah revolusi mental itu gagal? Secara optimis saya berani berkata tidak... atau setidaknya, belum. Revolusi tersebut tidak gagal, hanya sempat tertunda (atau direpresi oleh sistem) selama lebih dari tiga dekade masa rezim Orde Baru. Dimulainya era Reformasi pada dua dekade lalu seharusnya bisa menjadi titik balik bagi bangsa untuk memulai lagi langkah revolusi mental yang sempat dikerdilkan rezim. Namun, pekerjaan rumah pemuda sepertinya justru bertambah. Kini, tidak hanya revolusi mental dari wacana pascakolonialisme saja yang harus dibenahi, melainkan juga revolusi mental dari residu-residu yang masih tertinggal dari opresi rezim Orde Baru.
Bukan pekerjaan rumah yang mudah, memang. Apalagi ketika sistem telah menjadikan wacana sebagai sesuatu yang hadir secara serta-merta (taken-for-granted), alih-alih sebagai sesuatu yang dipahami secara sadar merupakan hasil konstruksi sistem. Oleh karena itu, pekerjaan rumah sesungguhnya dapat dimulai dari upaya pembangkitan kesadaran tersebut. Dan saya lihat, meskipun tertatih, usaha itu telah mulai nampak, setidaknya dari beberapa kalangan kaum muda yang saya lihat. Generasi kita butuh pencerahan; pencerahan yang membebaskan dari wacana-wacana yang membelenggu, sebagai langkah awal dari revolusi mental, guna pembentukan identitas bangsa.
Sebagai upaya nyata, semua itu sesungguhnya dimulai dari satu langkah sederhana: membacalah. Mengapa? Karena membaca sanggup menumbuhkan daya kritis kita. Dan jangan pilih-pilih terhadap bacaan, siapa penulisnya, atau genre apa tulisannya. Mengapa? Karena hanya dengan membaca sebanyak-banyaknya dan seluas-luasnya, kita menjadi sahih untuk memberi kritik terhadap tulisan tersebut. Setelah membaca, berdiskusilah sebanyak-banyaknya. Mengapa? Karena berdiskusi mengasah daya kritis kita. Dan jangan pilih-pilih terhadap rekan berdiskusi. Mengapa? Karena hanya dengan menghadapi sebanyak dan seluas mungkin perspektif, kita bisa menjadi lebih rendah hati dengan apa yang kita punya.
Itu saja. Mudah memang dituliskan. Namun nyatanya sukar untuk diwujudkan. Nyatanya, masih banyak pemuda yang enggan membaca. Pun ketika mau membaca, masih banyak yang pilih-pilih bacaan. Sesungguhnya, bukan label yang mendefinisikan diri kita, melainkan cara berpikir. Tidak pernah ada nasionalis yang mengaku nasionalis. Orang-orang lain yang menyematkan label itu padanya. Tidak ada feminis yang mengaku feminis. Orang-orang lain yang memberikan sebutan itu padanya. Oleh karena itu, setelah membaca dan berdiskusi, beraksilah. Dan menulis adalah salah satu bentuk dari aksi tersebut. Maka, jika kita bisa, menulislah.

Malam Rindu. Hatiku ketar-ketir.
Ku tak tahu apakah demokrasi dapat mengantarku
ke pelukanmu dengan cara saksama
dan dalam tempo sesingkat-singkatnya.
Sebelum Ahad tiba, anarki bisa saja muncul
dari sebutir benci atau sebongkah trauma,
mengusik undang-undang dasar cinta, merongrong
pancarindu di bibirku, dan aku gagal
mengobarkan Sumpah Pemuda di bibirmu.
-Joko Pinurbo, Malam Rindu
Wrote by Mashita Fandia
Aku paling takut mati rasa,
                  Lebih daripada mati itu sendiri.

Aku takut sampai pada titik di mana aku enggan bicara,
                  Karena takut pada suara yang akan ku dengar.
Aku takut sampai pada titik di mana aku enggan menatap,
                  Karena takut pada apa yang akan ku lihat.
Aku takut sampai pada titik di mana aku enggan menyapa,
                  Karena takut pada balasan yang tak ku duga.
Aku takut sampai pada titik di mana aku enggan bertanya,
                  Karena takut pada jawabannya.

                  Karena takut penolakan, lagi.
                  Karena takut pembuangan, lagi.
                  Karena takut pengasingan, lagi.

M.F
Wrote by Mashita Fandia
Hari ini adalah salah satu hari bersejarah dalam kehidupan seorang Mashita Fandia. Ya, hari ini saja menjalani prosesi wisuda S2. Dalam rangka memperingati hari bersejarah ini, saya akan menerbitkan tulisan yang mengisi halaman persembahan pada naskah tesis saya. Selamat menikmati.

Akhirnya, si anak bandel ini lulus master juga ... .
Kelulusan ini tidak akan saya raih tanpa melewati satu tahapan yang paling berat dalam proses pembelajaran S2, yaitu mengerjakan tesis. Salah satu hal esensial yang saya pelajari dari proses mengerjakan tesis adalah: merevisi tulisan yang sudah jadi cenderung lebih susah dibandingkan memulai tulisan yang baru, walaupun prosesnya sama-sama melelahkan. Pada tataran ini, mengerjakan tesis itu seperti menjalin relasi percintaan; merevisi hubungan yang sudah berjalan sekian lama cenderung lebih susah dibandingkan memulai hubungan yang baru, walaupun prosesnya sama-sama melelahkan. Setelah direvisi, belum tentu langsung mendapat tanggapan “bagus, lanjut ke bab berikutnya ya.” Kemungkinan besar masih akan revisi lagi, dan begitu seterusnya, mengulangi proses yang sama hingga kalimat sakti itu terdengar. “Ini sudah bagus, lanjut ke bab berikutnya, ya.” Sama. Perbedaannya, terkadang hubungan yang sudah berjalan sekian lama cenderung lebih berharga untuk dipertahankan ketimbang memulai hubungan yang baru. Toh, sama-sama melelahkan, kan. Namun, dalam penulisan tesis saya diajari untuk menjadi ‘raja tega’ terhadap tulisan saya sendiri. Berpuluh halaman sudah saya pangkas demi mendapatkan karya tesis yang efektif. Pada tataran ini, membuat tulisan yang baru cenderung lebih berharga dibandingkan merevisi tulisan yang sudah jadi.


Salah satu hal esensial lainnya yang saya pelajari dari proses mengerjakan tesis adalah untuk menjadi rendah hati atas ilmu yang kita miliki. Benar memang kata pepatah. Idealnya, orang berilmu itu seperti padi; semakin berisi semakin merunduk. Namun, adakah sesuatu yang ‘ideal’ itu? Lagi-lagi, idealitas adalah hasil dari konstruksi sosial. (Duh, memang penyakit, saya lupa siapa tepatnya yang pernah berkata begitu. Untung ini bukan tulisan ilmiah, jadi saya tak harus menyertakan sumbernya. Haha! Kalau tidak, saya pasti sudah dimarahi Bu Nana.) Bahkan gambaran yang kita punya mengenai kekasih yang ideal pun merupakan hasil konstruksi sosial. Meskipun kita merasa bahwa konsep idealitas itu datang dari dalam diri kita sendiri, sesungguhnya pandangan-pandangan yang kita punya, perspektif kita, serta sistem keinginan dan kebutuhan yang ada dalam diri kita telah dipengaruhi oleh aspek-aspek sosial yang berada di luar diri kita. Sehingga, tidak ada idealitas yang murni datang dari dalam diri kita sendiri; apalagi soal kekasih yang ideal. Namun, setiap dari diri kita memiliki kemampuan untuk mengolah segala pengaruh struktur sosial, meresapinya, dan menjadikannya nilai-nilai dalam diri kita. Mungkin, esensi dari ‘semakin merunduk’ berada di sana; pada cara kita memilih dan mengolah nilai-nilai dalam diri kita.
Meskipun memberi arti yang begitu besar, pengerjaan tesis bukan satu-satunya tahapan yang memberi arti dalam proses pembelajaran untuk meraih gelar master. Adalah pengalaman yang kita dapatkan, orang-orang yang kita temui, ilmu pengetahuan, diskusi, dan kisah-kisah yang dirangkai diantara semua itu. Bagi saya, tiga tahun ini adalah masa-masa yang menakjubkan; yang tak mungkin saya nikmati tanpa adanya sosok-sosok tertentu yang masuk dalam episode kehidupan saya tersebut.


Anak kedua saya ini tak akan lahir tanpa bantuan dokter yang telah luar biasa sabar menghadapi segala turbulensi mental saya selama setahun belakangan ini, Ibu, Mbak, Doktor, Ratna Noviani. Tanpa ketegasan beliau, sosok Mashita tidak akan mencapai kesadarannya untuk menyelesaikan karya ini. Tanpa pengertian beliau, sosok Mashita tidak akan mendapat kekuatan untuk berlari hingga garis finish. Tanpa kecerdasan beliau, sosok Mashita tidak akan memeroleh inspirasi untuk merangkai segala temuan lapangan yang memenuhi kepalanya. Singkat kata, tanpa adanya beliau, sosok Mashita tidak akan sampai pada titik yang sakral ini. Tak cukup perbendaharaan kata dalam KBBI untuk menyampaikan rasa maaf saya kepadanya. Tidak cukup pula segala kata di dunia untuk menggambarkan betapa saya berterima kasih padanya. Atas segalanya, saya berterima kasih, Bu. (Sesuai janji, selepas ini saya akan memanggilnya “Mbak” karena sudah lulus. Haha!)
Dalam hasil penelitian saya ditemukan bahwa dalam media sosial, relasi yang dibangun informan cenderung mengalami detachment dari anggota keluarganya, terutama orangtua. Saya pun cenderung demikian. Namun, pada tataran realitas offline, mereka adalah struktur sosial paling mikro yang akan selalu dapat saya andalkan setiap saat. Banyak terima kasih untuk keluarga batih saya: Mama Diah Palupi, Papa Muhammad Irfan, adik lanang Difa Hascarya Parawita, dan adik wedhok Ghina Tsabitah. Terima kasih atas kesabarannya melihat dan menemani si anak sulung ini berproses selama tiga tahun untuk meraih gelar master. Semoga kalian bangga dengan master pertama dalam keluarga batih kita ini. Haha!


Relasi pertemanan, menurut Giddens, adalah relasi penyokong masyarakat modern. Tanpa basa-basi, banyak terima kasih untuk teman-teman saya:
Keluarga besar KBM angkatan 2015, Dian Dwi Anisa, Ari Kesuma Dewi, Yusrina “Ussy” Pradipta, Vica “Caca” Astrilia, Sumayya, Intihaul Khiyaroh, Nastitya Dewi, Abbas Fauzi, Azzan Wafiq, Arief Zuhdito, Citra, Dewi, (alm.) Vanda, Bu Marti, dan Mas Nasa. Begitu juga dengan keluarga besar prodi KBM, Pak Budiawan, Mbak Nova, Prof. Heru, Mas Budi Irawanto, Pak Kris, Pak Bayu, Pak Wisma, Tante Suzie, Bu Wening, Prof. Susetiawan, dan Mas Arie Sujito. Kajian Budaya dan Media, bagi saya, bukan hanya sekadar tempat menuntut ilmu, melainkan juga rumah yang telah memberi saya keluarga baru. Terima kasih telah mengizinkan seorang Mashita untuk berproses di sini. Terima kasih atas ilmu pengetahuan dan kisah-kisah yang telah dibagi. Terima kasih atas canda tawa dan tangis haru yang telah diukir. Lebih dari kelulusan ini, bagi saya, proses pembelajaran di KBM adalah harta berharga yang tak tergantikan oleh apapun. Terima kasih telah memberi benak dan pikiran saya tempat untuk pulang, ketika kapitalisme dunia menghimpit begitu sesaknya.
Keluarga besar yang saya kenal di Komunikasi UGM, para wanitaku, sumber kekuatan, keceriaan, dan panutanku dalam berbagai hal, Dian Arymami, Syaifa Tania, Lidwina Mutia, dan Mufti Nurlatifah, serta keluarga besar Bravo Alpha, Mas Ni’am, Mas Widas, Prof. Nunung Prajarto, Mas Sulhan, Mas Wisnu, dan Cak Budhy. Sebagai anggota termuda dalam keluarga besar ini, saya selalu merasa bersyukur dengan seluruh kasih sayang dan perhatian yang telah diberikan. Terima kasih atas kesabarannya menghadapi si paling muda nan bandel ini. Terima kasih atas kepercayaan yang telah diberikan. Terima kasih atas waktu-waktu dan kehangatan yang telah dibagi. Ya, adik kecil ini telah lulus master sekarang, namun saya tahu bahwa saya akan tetap selalu menjadi “adik kecil” bagi mereka. Tidak apa-apa, karena justru itu yang membuat saya bahagia. Terima kasih telah menjadi rumah bagi anak kecil yang kadang merasa hilang di antara dua dunia ini.


Keluarga kecil Blackpink, Destiathree, Roziana Hasnun, dan Alief, serta perempuanku semenjak masa Komedian, AP. Mereka semua adalah sosok-sosok yang turut andil dan berkontribusi dalam proses pembelajaran saya di jenjang S2 ini. Mungkin mereka tidak sadar bagaimana bentuk kontribusi mereka, namun saya tetap sangat berterima kasih. Kehadiran mereka telah memberi makna pada eksistensi seorang Mashita hingga ia menyelesaikan tesisnya. Bagi saya, mereka bukan hanya sekadar teman atau sahabat; mereka adalah keluarga. Dan saya bersyukur bahwa kehidupan saya sempat bersentuhan dengan kehidupan mereka di dunia ini.
Riset etnografi tentunya tidak akan berhasil tanpa adanya kerjasama dari satu pihak bernama “informan”. Untuk itu, dengan tulus saya berterima kasih kepada keenam orang informan saya dalam penelitian ini: Army Ramadhan, Fidela Triste, Nisa Nuraini, Bondan T.M., Yuramia Oksilasari, dan Leonardus Hernawan. Tanpa kesediaan mereka untuk menjadi informan saya, tesis ini tidak akan lahir. Tanpa kejujuran mereka dalam berbagi kisah dengan saya, gelar master tidak akan saya dapatkan. Tanpa ketulusan mereka untuk meluangkan waktu bagi saya, proses pembelajaran di S2 ini tidak akan dapat saya selesaikan. Mereka adalah pribadi yang ramah dan menyenangkan. Tanpa kebaikan mereka, penelitian ini tidak akan terwujud. Terima kasih yang sedalam-dalamnya. Semoga impian mereka diwujudkan oleh semesta.


Terakhir namun yang pertama dalam prioritas saya, Vidi Mahatma. Wah, saya sampai bingung harus melabelinya dengan julukan apa. Bagi saya, ia lebih dari sekadar kekasih atau sahabat atau pasangan atau partner; ia adalah belahan jiwa. Ia lebih dari sekadar rumah; ia adalah suaka. Kami bercanda tawa layaknya teman, bertengkar layaknya saudara kandung, saling menjaga layaknya keluarga, saling mengejek layaknya sahabat, bermesraan layaknya sepasang kekasih, bertukar cerita layaknya buku harian, berbagi pikiran, mimpi, dan rasa takut layaknya pasangan hidup dan jiwa, berkeluh kesah layaknya rekan kerja, dan saling merawat layaknya teman hidup. Banyak kata puitis yang bisa (dan sudah) saya tulis untuknya, baik untuk memuja maupun mencaci, baik untuk merayu maupun menyakiti, namun seringnya saya kehilangan kata ketika akan menuliskan rasa terima kasih untuknya. Terlalu banyak dan terlalu dalam, sehingga rasanya kata-kata apapun akan menjadi dangkal dan percuma untuk menggambarkan rasa terima kasih itu. Semoga umur hidup saya cukup untuk mewujudkan rasa terima kasih saya padanya. Semoga semesta memberkati kita.


Tiba di penghujung Halaman Persembahan ini, saya ingin mengingatkan diri saya sendiri bahwa perjalanan tidak usai dengan selesainya tesis dan diperolehnya gelar master. Perjalanan sebagai seorang akademisi masih panjang. Ini adalah awal bagi babak yang baru. Dan saya sadar bahwa dengan gelar yang baru ini maka bertambah pula tanggung jawab saya sebagai seorang akademisi. Semoga semesta melimpahi saya dengan kekuatan, keberanian, dan kerendahan hati untuk mengemban tanggung jawab tersebut.
Yogyakarta, 30 Juli 2018
Wrote by Mashita Fandia
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