(Things We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About) Marriage
I always wonder whether marriage
is really important for someone’s life. I’ve read books about marriage, from
its history until the contemporary phenomenon regarding to it in the modern and
postmodern society. Hence I know it all too well that the concept of marriage
itself has been contested culturally, politically, religiously, economically,
morally, and many more. The concept of marriage is contextual. However, the red
line is that the concept of marriage, at some point to some extent, has been
degrading the concept of love itself. People used to think that marriage is the
sacred one. On the other hand, it makes them forget that it is actually love that is the sacred one. Let’s see
what happen when people put marriage more sacred than love: extramarital
affairs. Why? Because they think that it’s better to cheat rather than to
divorce. And that’s just sick. That’s just pathetic. That’s just sad. And
that’s the ugly truth of nowadays society we’re living in. People tend to
choose to stay in a loveless marriage rather than ending it. Why would you get married to someone and
still saying to someone else that you are missing them? Why would you get
married to someone when you are still thinking about someone else?
In my humble opinion, we should
think again: is marriage really what we need? People need love; to love and to
be loved. People need family. People need a partner; a lifetime partner who
will always stay beside them through the ups and downs. People need
relationship; and a commitment that will keep it together. But do people really
need marriage to gain all of that? The answer is: not really. In nowadays
practice, marriage is just a system created by the society to gain control
towards those things we need. It’s a complex thing to talk about. And yes, it’s
inevitable that we have been constructed to think that in order to be accepted
in the society, we need marriage. In other words, it’s just a tool. It’s just a
status. It’s just an act of survival in order to get ourselves free from social
judgment. My bottom line is: the love –the feeling we have towards our partner–
is what really matters rather than just the status of marriage. Hence, when
we’re not sure about our feeling, it’s better to put aside the idea of
marriage. Why? Because it’s time to put a stop towards this sick system in the
sick society we’re living in. When we’re sure about our feeling –not just in
order to fulfill our social role– that’s when we’re ready to give it a go for
marriage.
“If you have already used up
those words of comfort, you could just pass me by, don’t criticize me for
living without love. Don’t feel bad for me right now, except when I have dinner
all alone.” –MoonMoon, Marriage (결혼)
This song is titled “Marriage (결혼)”, performed by Korean
singer-songwriter, MoonMoon, for the soundtrack of Korean drama series,
“Because This Is My First Life”. It was released as the single “Because This Is
My First Life OST Part 4” on October 24th 2017. “Marriage (결혼)” was written, composed,
and arranged by MoonMoon. And unlike any other Korean drama soundtrack, I
personally love the sound design of this song for it’s quite peculiar for drama
soundtrack: a piano ballad that almost sounds like traditional British pop.
Besides, the lyrics really hit the spot. It’s not only going well with the
drama storyline, but it’s also speaking up for some people in this modern and
postmodern society, particularly in regards to marriage and love. Love is used overratedly as the reason
why people get married. However, the thing that we don’t talk about when we
talk about marriage is: it’s more about social status, social acknowledgement,
social recognition, as well as economical and political matters, hence it is
sad, for it is degrading the value of love itself.
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| "Because This Is My First Life OST Part 4" single cover | source: wiki.d-addicts.com |
There are a lot of things that
people don’t talk about when they talk about marriage. And most of the times,
marriage itself tends to be mistaken as the same as wedding. Well, marriage is
more than just the wedding. Wedding is the celebration, while marriage is the
whole life after the wedding ceremony. Marriage is what comes after the oath of
loyalty. The cultural industry has shaping the concept of marriage as an
all-beautiful thing. They make us thinking that we do need marriage; hence we do
need to carry on a wedding ceremony. And sadly, most people tend to forget that
the essence of a wedding is the oath of loyalty instead of the party. “The thing about marriage is, it’s about
picking pretty words, saying pretty compliments, and creating a pretty night.
The thing about marriage is, it’s about meeting a good person, having a good
love, and buying a good house.” The thing about marriage is: will it be
able to fulfill our basic needs for love and romance? Will there be romance in
the marriage? Could we hold onto love in the marriage?
The thing about marriage is: will
it be able to fulfill our social and economical needs? Would it make us
happier? Or would it just create more problems? When we aren’t sure; when we
think that we get married just to be like any other married couple, why would
we do that? Nonetheless, the nowadays concept of marriage has made it hard for
some people
to keep up with the standards set by the society. “Since that’s all hard for me, so I’m just turning on the TV by myself,
going outside in comfortable clothes, and buying strong alcohol by myself. So
I’m going to Namsan by myself, walking along Han River by myself, and eating
dinner, for it’s all just too hard.” And for me personally, it’s better to
be alone rather than being stuck in a loveless relationship. It might sound
hypocrite for you, but this is what I think. And I have my own reason to think
that way. “If you have already used up
those words of comfort, you could just pass me by, don’t criticize me for
living without love. Don’t feel bad for me right now, except when I have dinner
all alone.”
The thing about marriage is:
it’s not always beautiful. And you know what? Things turn ugly when we start to
put the marriage as a more sacred thing than the love itself. Happiness is not
about marriage. It’s not about whether we got married or not. It’s about the
love; and things that come after the love itself. It is
what comes in the relationship after the love that defines it. And yes, for
some people, it’s not easy at all; for they know it all too well that in a
marriage, people can easily forget the love as the reason why they were
together in the first place. Marriage surely has its ups and downs. However,
when people start to neglect the love, it turns ugly; and worse, it can even
end up turning us into strangers for each other. “It’s the thing about love and
what comes after it. It’s that sometimes you make cruel expression on your face
and use sharp words for saying hurtful things. And then you become strangers. So this
is how I feel; for me that kind of thing is
terrifying, for me that kind of thing is difficult. So I’m just watching TV.”
For all the reason above, the concept of marriage is
terrifying for some people. For all the reason above, the idea of marriage is
difficult for some people. Particularly, it’s terrifying and difficult for
people who value the love more than the marriage itself; because for them,
turning into strangers with the person whom we love is much more terrifying
than being separated with them. And for them, it is much harder to live in a
loveless marriage than to live all alone. Yes, indeed life is lonely when we do
not have someone to live our lifetime with. However, for some people it is
lonelier to live with someone just out of formality for the sake of keeping up
with the standards set by society. Hence, unless they are with someone who has
the same value as them –someone who has same perspective and view the life in
the same way– they choose to be alone. It is not that they defy the marriage
for good. It is that just it’s not that easy for them. Hence their guard is up.
Hence they search and wait for the one who has the same perspective, or at
least, can accept their perspective.
“It’s the thing about love and
what comes after it. It’s that sometimes you make cruel expression on your face
and use sharp words for saying hurtful things. And then you become strangers. So this
is how I feel; for me that kind of thing is terrifying, for me that kind of thing is
difficult.” –MoonMoon, Marriage (결혼)
결혼에 대하여 예쁜 단어를 골라 예쁜 칭찬을 하고 예쁜 밤을 만들 것
(Gyeolhone daehayeo yeppeun daneoreul golla yeppeun chingchaneul hago
yeppeun bameul mandeul geos)
((The thing about marriage is,
it’s about picking pretty words, saying pretty compliments, and creating a
pretty night))
결혼에 대하여 좋은 사람을 만나 좋은 사랑을 하고 좋은 집을 갖는 것
(Gyeolhone daehayeo joheun sarameul manna joheun sarangeul hago joheun
jibeul gajneun geos)
((The thing about marriage is,
it’s about meeting a good person, having a good love, and buying a good house))
나 그게 어려워 혼자 TV를 트나봐 편한 옷을 입고 나가 독한 소주를 사나봐 혼자
(Na geuge eoryeowo honja TVreul teunabwa pyeonhan oseul ipgo naga dokhan
sojureul sanabwa honja)
((Since that’s all hard for me,
so I’m just turning on the TV by myself, going outside in comfortable clothes,
and buying strong alcohol by myself))
남산에 가나봐 혼자 한강을 걷나봐 혼자 저녁을 먹나봐 뭔가 다 어려우니까
(Namsane ganabwa honja hangangeul geotnabwa honja jeonyeogeul meoknabwa
mwonga da eoryeounikka)
((So I’m going to Namsan by
myself, walking along Han River by myself, and eating dinner, for it’s all just
too hard))
쓰다 남은 위로라면 그냥 지나가도 돼 사랑없이 사는 것도 들먹이진 말아줘
(Sseuda nameun wiroramyeon geunyang jinagado dwae sarangeopsi saneun
geosdo deulmeogijin marajwo)
((If you have already used up
those words of comfort, you could just pass me by, don’t criticize me for
living without love))
나를 보면 지금보다 울먹이지 말도록 혼자 먹는 저녁말고 사랑 그 너머에 관하여
(Nareul bomyeon jigeumboda ulmeogiji maldorok honja meokneun
jeonyeokmalgo sarang geu neomeoe gwanhayeo)
((Don’t feel bad for me right
now, except when I have dinner all alone, it’s the thing about love and what
comes after it))
가끔 나쁜 얼굴에 각진 단어를 골라 아프게 말하고
(Gakkeum nappeun eolgure gakjin daneoreul golla apeuge malhago)
((It’s that sometimes you make
cruel expression on your face and use sharp words for saying hurtful things))
남이 되잖아요 내 마음은 그래 나 그게 두려워 나 그게 어려워
(Nami doejanhayo nae maeumeun geurae na geuge duryeowo na geuge
eoryeowo)
((And then you become strangers,
so this is how I feel, for me that kind of thing is terrifying, for me that
kind of thing is difficult))
TV나 보는 중 TV나 보는 중 TV나 보는 중
(TVna boneun jung TVna boneun jung TVna boneun jung)
((So I’m just watching TV, so I’m
just watching TV, so I’m just watching TV))
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