Disappointed



What is the most disappointed thing for you? When did the most disappointed moment happen in your life? Well, for me, the most disappointed thing is when someone breaks my trust. And trust me, having a broken trust is one of the worst things. And breaking the trust can occur in many forms. One of them is breaking a promise. I personally think that a promise is something that cannot be played. We cannot play recklessly with that thing called promise. Promise is a debt. And a Lannister always pays their debt. Well, we’re not a Lannister, but we must learn from them in term of paying a debt. We must learn from them in term of fulfilling a promise. If we say we would come, then we have to come; no matter what. If we have intention to come, then we will do everything we can in order to come; no reason at all. If we still find some excuses for not coming, then we just simply don’t have intention to come. If that’s the case, then why did we say we would come in the first place? In the end when we don’t come, it only gives disappointment towards the person who is waiting for us; the person whom we’ve promised we would come to.

“Emptiness, dejection, and anger, everything is in my mind; instantly marking the heart that is unrequited by your love.” –Bunga Citra Lestari, Disappointed (Kecewa)

This song depicts my current feeling so accurately; the title is “Disappointed (Kecewa)”, performed by Indonesian female singer, Bunga Citra Lestari (also popularly known as BCL). It was released in 2008 as the third single taken from the singer’s second studio album, “Tentang Kamu (About You)”. The pop ballad track was written by Teguh Deswanto. Lyrically, it blatantly speaks about the disappointment feeling someone has towards a lover for breaking the promise to come.



"Tentang Kamu (About You)" album cover | source: Aquarius Musikindo

Most of us do not think before we speak. Most of us do not take it seriously when we make a promise for someone. Have you ever thought that there is this person that has been patiently waiting for you? This person knows too well that you are very busy and perhaps only have a little time for them. This person knows it all and they understand it and they accept it. This person asks for nothing but you to spare a little time to meet them. This person never demands for anything big but only begs for one small thing and you just won’t fulfill it. Can you imagine how they feel? Will you imagine how that feels? After all of the efforts that the person has made for you, can’t you just grant their one wish? After all of the hard times that person has been going through for you, won’t you just give them what they hope for? What is so hard about that? “A little time that you have, spare it for me as I hope to immediately come to me. Just this one time I beg you please, there is something I want to tell you, please make time.”
Most of us do not understand the consequences of what we say. Sadly, most of us just forget easily when some people remember too clearly. Have you ever thought that every little thing you say could leave a very big impact for someone? Have you ever thought that every little thing you do could bring a very great cause for someone? Have you ever thought that something you think is not a big deal is actually a very important thing for someone? For you it may be not a big deal whether you really come or not, but for this person, your presence is everything. And more than that, it is you who keep your words to come, that’s really matter for this person. This person may be able to understand your situation when you’re finally not coming, but can you imagine how sad they feel deep inside that you take your own words lightly? “A second waiting for you here feels like all day long, many times I look at the watch on my hand just to kill the time. I don’t see the sign of your presence, which convinces me, you’re not coming.”
It is not only in the fact that you’re not coming, but also in the lack of effort you show to fulfill your own words to come. It is not only in the fact that you’re breaking the promise, but also in the weakness of the intention you have to make the promise happen. Sadly, most of us do not take our own words seriously. Most of us think that there is always be another time. Well, yes, there is another time; but have you ever thought about what they feel at the moment? “Emptiness, dejection, and anger, everything is in my mind; instantly marking the heart that is unrequited by your love.” Have you ever though that they feel dejected and rejected? Have you ever thought how sad and disappointed they feel? Have you ever thought how upset they are? Have you ever thought how hard they withstand the pain of that disappointment? And amidst all of that, they still forgive you, they still understand you and accept you. “I want to release my anger, but I’m only on my own here. I want to show to anyone who exists that my heart is disappointed.”


BCL live on NET. performing "Kecewa (Disappointed)" | source: NET. TV

I always believe that a good intention would make a strong will. And a strong will would make a great effort. And a great effort would realize words into acts. Hence, when there is no act, for me then it is simply that there is no good intention in the first place. A promise means nothing without the efforts to fulfill it. Words mean nothing without the endeavor to turn it into real actions. When there is no good intention in the first place, perhaps the promise was just made out of formality. Perhaps the words were just said out of obligation. If it was just for the sake of formality or obligation, then there is no sincerity, right? If there is no sincerity, then why must we force for it? It will only disappoint us in the end, mostly by figuring out that there is no sincerity in the first place. It will only disappoint us after all, mostly by knowing that there is no good intention since the beginning. It will only disappoint us, mostly by realizing that we don’t matter that much for that person to make effort to fulfill their promise. And then again, we can only be disappointed the most by the one we hold most dear; our precious significant other.

“I want to release my anger, but I’m only on my own here. I want to show to anyone who exists that my heart is disappointed.” –Bunga Citra Lestari, Disappointed (Kecewa)




S’dikit waktu yang kau miliki, luangkanlah untuk ku harap secepatnya datangi aku
(A little time that you have, spare it for me as I hope to immediately come to me)
S’kali ini ku mohon padamu, ada yang ingin ku sampaikan, sempatkanlah
(Just this one time I beg you please, there is something I want to tell you, please make time)

Hampa, kesal, dan amarah, s’luruhnya ada di benakku
(Emptiness, dejection, and anger, everything is in my mind)
Tandai seketika hati yang tak terbalas oleh cintamu
(Instantly marking the heart that is unrequited by your love)

Ku ingin marah melampiaskan, tapi ku hanyalah sendiri di sini
(I want to release my anger, but I’m only on my own here)
Ingin ku tunjukkan pada siapa saja yang ada bahwa hatiku kecewa
(I want to show to anyone who exists that my heart is disappointed)

S’detik menunggumu di sini s’perti seharian, berkali ku lihat jam di tangan demi membunuh waktu
(A second waiting for you here feels like all day long, many times I look at the watch on my hand just to kill the time)
Tak ku lihat tanda kehadiranmu, yang semakin meyakiniku, kau tak datang
(I don’t see the sign of your presence, which convinces me, you’re not coming)

Hampa, kesal, dan amarah, s’luruhnya ada di benakku
(Emptiness, dejection, and anger, everything is in my mind)
Tandai seketika hati yang tak terbalas oleh cintamu
(Instantly marking the heart that is unrequited by your love)

Ku ingin marah melampiaskan, tapi ku hanyalah sendiri di sini
(I want to release my anger, but I’m only on my own here)
Ingin ku tunjukkan pada siapa saja yang ada bahwa hatiku kecewa
(I want to show to anyone who exists that my heart is disappointed)

Tandai seketika hati yang tak terbalas oleh cintamu
(Instantly marking the heart that is unrequited by your love)
Ku ingin marah melampiaskan, tapi ku hanyalah sendiri di sini
(I want to release my anger, but I’m only on my own here)
Ingin ku tunjukkan pada siapa saja yang ada bahwa hatiku kecewa
(I want to show to anyone who exists that my heart is disappointed)

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