Half-Heartedly

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As a human being, it is natural that we want and need to be loved completely as a whole. However, as a human being, it is natural too that we feel love (romantically) for more than just one person. For this is feeling we’re talking about. People may be able to commit to just one person. However, it is unlikely that they never been in love with more than just one person at a time. The thing is, what if we are in the position of the person who loves a person who loves more than just one person at a time? In simple terms, what it the person whom we love is loving more than just one person at a time? Can we still love them while knowing that we cannot be loved wholly? Can we still commit to love them while knowing that they cannot love us undividedly? Can we still be with them while knowing that our love is unrequited? Can we still want and need them while knowing that the feeling isn’t reciprocal? Apparently, we can. Apparently, things like these do happen. Apparently, even though it’s just half-heartedly, we still accept it; for we accept the love we think we deserve.

“I only keep on wishing that one day you could realize. No one has ever understood you as sincere as my heart is loving you. I should have realized how hurtful love is without your answer. I should have not forced it, if it will hurt me eventually.” –ADA Band, Half-Heartedly (Setengah Hati)

This heartbreaking song is titled “Half-Heartedly (Setengah Hati)”, performed by an Indonesian band, ADA Band. It was released on October 28th 2004 as a part of the band’s sixth studio album, “Heaven of Love”. The album was a commercial success and “Half-Heartedly (Setengah Hati)” became one of the band’s signature songs. Written by the band’s pianist as well as keyboardist, Krishna Balagita, the pop track lyrically speaks about the painful feeling someone has when they know that they can never receive a whole-hearted love by the person they love. And even though it’s painfully half-hearted, they accept it anyway since they know that it’s the only way they can feel some peace within their heart. In the end, they have no choice but accepting the love they think they deserve; and the love is a kind of a half-hearted love.
"Heaven of Love" album cover | source: genius.com

I don’t know, but I guess some people were just born lovers. They cannot seem to settle with one person at a time. They cannot seem to commit to only a person at a time. They seem to always find another fling to swing. They seem to always seek for another person to care for. No matter what purpose they have in their mind, they just seem to always need to have another person to hold onto. What if we fall in love with that kind of person? Well, it must be hard as hell. No matter what we do and how much effort we make, it never seems enough to cease them from searching for another kind of love. No matter what we say and even though we say no, it never be able to deter their way for looking for another kind of romance. “I was stunned staring at you when you left me crying. Foolishly I’m expecting you, clearly you’ve never cared for my love.” And no matter what they do or say, we will always feel loved half-heartedly; that the heart is divided. We will always feel being left behind. We will always feel dejected.
“I only keep on wishing that one day you could realize. No one has ever understood you as sincere as my heart is loving you.” No matter how hard we try to understand, it always seems that we can never comprehend. And no matter how we struggle to understand, the effort always seems to go to waste. And no matter how hard we fight for it, the sincerity always seems to be taken for granted. For eventually, we are being left behind all alone again and again time after time for someone else. And we can only hope that someday that person would realize and understand; that we have accepted them for what they are all of these times, and that the process of understanding and accepting them is taking a lot of our strength and energy. It’s never been an easy task for us. And no matter what they do or say, we will always be hurt. We will always feel that the love is unrequited. We will always feel that the feeling is not reciprocal. “I should have realized how hurtful love is without your answer. I should have not forced it, if it will hurt me eventually.”
And at some point to some extend somehow, we realize that we can never make that person a lover who is able to love us completely; that we will always have to share it with someone else. At some point to some extend somehow, we understand that we can never have that person as a lover who is able to love us wholly; that it will always be divided. It will always be half-heartedly. And as much as we love, we can only try to accept it. As deep as we love, we can only try to embrace it. It’s whether we’re bending or breaking. And most of the times, we choose to bend. “Perhaps I can never have you as a lover who loves completely. However I’m compliant, though it’s only half-heartedly, you soothe this soul.” And why do we do that? It’s because the feeling of peacefulness that we can only find in that person. Even though it hurts sometimes, we can only find peace while being with that person. Even though it’s suffocating sometimes, we can feel at ease by the presence of that person only. Hence, we risk it all; for we believe that it’s worth it.
"Setengah Hati" music video | source: YouTube

Even though we know it all too well that the heart will always be divided, in the end of the day we choose to accept it for we know that we love just too much. Even though we understand it all too well that the heart won’t be given as a whole, eventually we choose to embrace it for we understand that it’s the only way we can find peace within our heart and mind. Even though we realize it all too well that the love is half-heartedly, after all we choose to bend with it for we realize that it’s all worth the pain. And after all, it’s on us. It’s on us that we cannot make that person as a lover who can love us as a whole. It’s on us that we cannot have that person as a lover who can love us completely. It’s on us that we cannot do things that can fulfill that person. No matter what we do, it will always end up with the same old output. Perhaps it’s true that we can never change people. Perhaps it’s true that people will never really change unless they want to change it themselves. In the end, we can only be compliant. After all, we can only deal with it within ourselves.

“Perhaps I can never have you as a lover who loves completely. However I’m compliant, though it’s only half-heartedly, you soothe this soul.” –ADA Band, Half-Heartedly (Setengah Hati)




Tertegun ku memandangmu saat kau tinggalkanku menangis
(I was stunned staring at you when you left me crying)
Bodohnya ku mengharapmu jelas sudah tak kau pedulikan cintaku
(Foolishly I’m expecting you, clearly you’ve never cared for my love)

Mestinya t’lah kusadari betapa perih cinta tanpa balasmu
(I should have realized how hurtful love is without your answer)
Harusnya tak ku paksakan bila akhirnya ‘kan melukaiku
(I should have not forced it, if it will hurt me eventually)

Mungkin ku tak akan bisa jadikan dirimu kekasih yang seutuhnya mencinta
(Perhaps I can never have you as a lover who loves completely)
Namun kurelakan diri, jika hanya setengah hati, kau sejukkan jiwa ini
(However I’m compliant, though it’s only half-heartedly, you soothe this soul)

Ku hanya terus berharap satu hari kau mampu sadari
(I only keep on wishing that one day you could realize)
Tiada yang pernah mengerti sepertiku setulus hati mencintamu
(No one has ever understood you as sincere as my heart is loving you)

Mestinya t’lah kusadari betapa perih cinta tanpa balasmu
(I should have realized how hurtful love is without your answer)
Harusnya tak ku paksakan bila akhirnya ‘kan melukaiku
(I should have not forced it, if it will hurt me eventually)

Mungkin ku tak akan bisa jadikan dirimu kekasih yang seutuhnya mencinta
(Perhaps I can never have you as a lover who loves completely)
Namun kurelakan diri jika hanya setengah hati, kau sejukkan jiwa ini
(However I’m compliant, though it’s only half-heartedly, you soothe this soul)

Mungkin ku tak akan bisa jadikan dirimu kekasih yang seutuhnya mencinta
(Perhaps I can never have you as a lover who loves completely)
Namun kurelakan diri jika hanya setengah hati, kau sejukkan jiwa
(However I’m compliant, though it’s only half-heartedly, you soothe the soul)
Mungkin ku tak akan bisa jadikan dirimu kekasih yang seutuhnya mencinta
(Perhaps I can never have you as a lover who loves completely)
Namun kurelakan diri jika hanya setengah hati, kau sejukkan jiwa ini
(However I’m compliant, though it’s only half-heartedly, you soothe this soul)

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