It's on Fire

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There are times when I enter my depressive state of mind. I’m usually a short-tempered. However, when I’m in the depressive state, my temper can be shorter than usual. I got angry easily. I got pissed off over small and unimportant things. At times like that, I usually do the meditation to calm myself down. However, at some point I really find the need to vent out my emotions. Well, yeah, as someone who had ever been diagnosed with mental disorder, I obey my doctor by trying to vent my emotions towards something productive. However (again), I’m only human after all. There are times when I’ve just lost it. I really want to shout out all of my emotions and burn it all. For all of those people that make me sick, for all of the people that I know and meet and leave scars in the deepest of my heart, for all of the people who diss me; I want to burn them all, until they become ashes and gone forever with the wind. This depressive is state is scary, I know. And I’m even scared of myself and what I wish upon them who have hurt me; I’ll set them on fire and burn it all.

“Just live however you want, your life is yours anyway, don’t try too hard, it’s okay to lose. Put your hands up, scream it out, burn it up.” –BTS, Fire (불타오르네)

I have this trauma of being rejected and abandoned, because I have never been a priority for someone significant for me. I have this trauma of being compared to other people, because eventually someone whom I hold most dear would leave me for another person. And these days I feel the same exact hollow that had caused me my mental illness some years ago. And I cannot help but feeling angry. So here I present a song that depicts my current mood so well. It’s titled “Fire (불타오르네)”, performed by the hottest Korean boy group nowadays, BTS (also known as Bangtan Boys or Beyond the Scene). The fast tempo electronic dance pop track was released on May 2nd 2016 as the title track for the group’s third compilation album, “The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Young Forever”. “Fire (불타오르네)” was composed and arranged by Pdogg, with lyrics written by Pdogg alongside BTS’ members Rap Monster and Suga, as well as “Hitman” Bang and Devine Channel. An official accompany music video for “Fire (불타오르네)”, directed by Lumpens, was premiered on SBS MTV on April 28th 2016. I personally love the MV, especially the opening scene of the MV that reenacts the album cover of Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here”. And also, “Fire (불타오르네)” showcases the most intense dance choreography of the group to date. This song is literally setting it all on fire and burning me up. Hell yeah!
"The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Young Forever" night version album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

I feel like I’m always on the edge, especially in these past few weeks. There is always something that puts me on the edge. It seems like the universe doesn’t want my anxiety to rest a little bit. And at time like this, I’m just sick of people. I just want to be alone and don’t give a fuck towards the world. I spend the whole day in my bedroom; waking, eating, sleeping, watching videos, playing games. That’s when I do whenever I got into my depressive state of mind. I know it’s self-destructing yet I keep doing it. I can’t stop being angry towards anything. I’m cursing even when I’m writing. I know I’m such a mess yet I can’t seem to get out from this result of depressive state of mind. Days and nights are passing by just like that; meaningless, until the point that I’m sure I’m going insane. “When I wake up in my room, I have nothing at all on my body. Once the sun goes down, I keep stumbling as I walk. I’m so completely drunk. I’m cursing around on the streets. I’m out of my mind, like an insane person. Everything is a mess, living like beep.”
Whenever I feel like being on the edge like this, I know I have to do something to be able to raise again. And I know that by doing nothing is actually a part of doing something. I just want to burn all of the bad energy caused by the depressive state of mind. And enjoying the process of doing nothing is my way to do it. For those people who have bullied me and hurt me, I will burn it all. I will make sure they feel the exact same pain that they’ve caused upon me. “Hey, burn it up, like you’re going to set everything on fire. Hey, turn it up, until it’s breaking dawn. It’s alright to just live, we’re still young; who do you think you are to say otherwise? Stop comparing me with others; I’m only this human, so what?” This is my life that I’m living. And nobody can compare me with anybody else. And nobody can tell me what to do. Just wait and see what the universe got in store for you people. You will reap what you sow. And I’m going to make sure of that. “Just live however you want, your life is yours anyway, don’t try too hard, it’s okay to lose. Put your hands up, scream it out, burn it up.”
Meanwhile, I’m just going to live however I want. I won’t try too hard anymore, because no one is trying hard for me too. I don’t care even if I lose, because no one is going to fight for me anyway. I’m just going to put my hands up, scream my lungs out, shout it to the air out loud, and let go all of myself. “Fire, all of you with a lot of fear, come here. Fire, all you who are suffering, come here. Fire, lift up your fists, all night long. Fire, with marching footsteps, fire, run and jump and go crazy.” And if you have a lot of fears just like me, too much that you cannot bear, you can come and join me. And if you feel miserable and suffering just like me, too much that it drives you crazy, you can come and join me. We’ll set those who give pain towards us on fire. “It’s on fire.” We’re going to burn all of the bad energy and emotions. “Set everything on fire.” We’re going to burn it all until there’s nothing left. And in the end, we will elegantly say that for now, we will give the apology for those cruel people who have hurt us. “I’ll forgive you.”
BTS in the music video of "Fire" | source: soompi.com

I don’t understand why people are never tired to put a fight with me, especially women. Like, seriously, I have such a great concern toward feminism issue yet ironically there is always a certain woman at a time who tries to get on my nerve and push my button. Well, I’m only human. Moreover, I’m a human who is mentally-ill. And this mental illness puts me on the edge, always. Whenever I got into the depressive state of mind, then the darkness consumes me. It is the constant fear of abandonment and rejection. It is the pain and suffers. And nothing can save me from being pushed to the edge; not even my own self. And when I got to the edge, I don’t give a fuck towards anything anymore. For all of my efforts are going to waste, there is no need for me to try hard anymore. For all of my love and feelings are taken for granted, there is no need for me fight anymore. There is no one that I can hold onto; not even my own self. I’m just going to set everything on fire and burn it all; they will pay what they’ve done to me.

“Fire, all of you with a lot of fear, come here. Fire, all you who are suffering, come here. Fire, lift up your fists, all night long. Fire, with marching footsteps, fire, run and jump and go crazy.” –BTS, Fire (불타오르네)




불타오르네 fire, fire, fire, fire
(Bultaoreune, fire, fire, fire, fire)
((It’s on fire, fire, fire, fire, fire))

When I wake up in my room 난 뭣도 없지 해가 지고 난 후 비틀대며 걷지
(When I wake up in my room nan mwosdo eopsji haega jigo nan hu biteuldaemyeo geotji)
((When I wake up in my room, I have nothing at all on my body, once the sun goes down, I keep stumbling as I walk))
다 만신창이로 취했어 취했어 막 욕해 길에서 길에서
(Da mansinchangiro chwihaesseo chwihaesseo mak yokhae gireseo gireseo)
((I’m so completely drunk, drunk, I’m cursing around on the streets, on the streets))
나 맛이 갔지 미친놈 같지 다 엉망진창 living like 삐이
(Na masi gassji michinnom gatji da eongmangjinchang living like ppii)
((I’m out of my mind, like an insane person, everything is a mess, living like beep))
니 멋대로 살어 어차피 니 꺼야 애쓰지 좀 말어 져도 괜찮아
(Ni meosdaero sareo eochapi ni kkeoya aesseuji jom mareo jyeodo gwaenchanha)
((Just live however you want, your life is yours anyway, don’t try too hard, it’s okay to lose))
All of everybody say la la la la la la la la la la, say la la la la la la la la la la
손을 들어 소리질러 burn it up
(Soneul deureo sorijilleo burn it up)
((Put your hands up, scream it out, burn it up))

불타오르네 싹 다 불태워라 bow wow wow 싹 다 불태워라 bow wow wow
(Bultaoreune ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow)
((It’s on fire, set everything on fire, bow wow wow, set everything on fire, bow wow wow))

Hey burn it up 전부 다 태울 것 같이 hey turn it up 새벽이 다 갈 때까지
(Hey burn it up jeonbu da taeul geot gati hey turn it up saebyeogi da gal ttaekkaji)
((Hey, burn it up, like you’re going to set everything on fire, hey, turn it up, until it’s breaking dawn))
그냥 살아도 돼 우린 젊기에 그 말하는 넌 뭔 수저길래 수저수저 거려 난 사람인데 so what
(Geunyang sarado dwae urin jeolmgie geu malhaneun neon mwon sujeogillae sujeosujeo georyeo nan saraminde so what)
((It’s alright to just live, we’re still young, who do you think you are to say otherwise? Stop comparing me with others, I’m only this human, so what?))
니 멋대로 살어 어차피 니 꺼야 애쓰지 좀 말어 져도 괜찮아
(Ni meosdaero sareo eochapi ni kkeoya aesseuji jom mareo jyeodo gwaenchanha)
((Just live however you want, your life is yours anyway, don’t try too hard, it’s okay to lose))
All of everybody say la la la la la la la la la la say la la la la la la la la la la
손을 들어 소리질러 burn it up
(Soneul deureo sorijilleo burn it up)
((Put your hands up, scream it out, burn it up))

불타오르네 싹 다 불태워라 bow wow wow 싹 다 불태워라 bow wow wow
(Bultaoreune ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow)
((It’s on fire, set everything on fire, bow wow wow, set everything on fire, bow wow wow))

Fire 겁 많은 자여 여기로 fire 괴로운 자여 여기로 fire 맨주먹을 들고 all night long
(Fire geop manheun jayeo yeogiro fire goeroun jayeo yeogiro fire maenjumeogeul deulgo all night long)
((Fire, all of you with a lot of fear, come here, fire, all you who are suffering, come here, fire, lift up your fists, all night long))
Fire 진군하는 발걸음으로 fire 뛰어봐 미쳐버려 다
(Fire jingunhaneun balgeoreumeuro fire ttwieobwa michyeobeoryeo da)
((Fire, with marching footsteps, fire, run and jump and go crazy))
싹 다 불태워라 bow wow wow 싹 다 불태워라 bow wow wow
(Ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow)
((Set everything on fire, bow wow wow, set everything on fire, bow wow wow))
Fire, fire 싹 다 불태워라 bow wow wow, fire, fire 싹 다 불태워라 bow wow wow
(Fire, fire, ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow, fire, fire, ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow)
((Fire, fire, set everything on fire, bow wow wow, fire, fire, set everything on fire, bow wow wow))
용서해줄게
(Yongseohaejulge)
((I’ll forgive you))

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