Borderline



I’m always on the edge,
People and painful memories made me who I am.
And perhaps I will never know what you truly feel about me,
And what’s the meaning of my existence in your life...
... if I did exist.

If only I’m able to come into your heart,
       I would like to know if this child-like self of mine has a meaning for you.
If only I’m able to look into your heart,
       I would like to see how this mentally-ill self of mine means to you.

Are you having a hard time because of me?
I know I’m not enough for you...
... and I know it’s because of my lack of everything.

I know you’re having a rough time right now.
And though I’m dying to talk to you, I’m trying my best not to,
                ... for I’m afraid that I will be a bother for you.
I miss you, but I can’t even tell you,
                ... for I’m afraid that it will be a burden for you.
                And you never say that you miss me anymore.
I love you, but I can’t even show it,
                ... for I’m afraid that it will make you sick of me.
                And you never say that you love me anymore.

As you live, whenever it feels too hard,
                whenever it gets too difficult,
                for all the things that are burdensome,
                for all the things that wear you out,
                you can blame me, blame me as much as you want,
                until you become free from the sadness that I’ve caused.

As I live, you can burn it all,
                burn it all,
                burn it all,
                and if there’s something left, still,
                you can burn it all as I live, until nothing’s left,
and you’ll be free.

We laugh because we have to.
We live because we have to.
Even if you were by my side, I would still cry,
                ... for this borderline inside of me.


M.F

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