Nobody's Home



Everyone is aching from longing for home. Well I guess that is just the human’s nature. Everyone needs a place where they feel like they belong. Everyone needs a place where they can be their authentic self without being bothered of the obligation to play some roles. Everyone needs a place where they can show their genuine self without being concerned of the obligation to put on some mask on their face. Everyone needs a place where they can feel safe when being themselves without the anxiety of being judge by their surroundings. I wonder how many people have died trying to find that place so called home. And how many people have spent their whole lifetime for that. And how many people were broken during their search for that kind of place. This life is indeed harsh and cold and empty. And how many people have suffered in their effort of trying to fill that emptiness. Home is all that we need. However, searching for that home itself is a never ending journey and process. And that is the essence of living life, I guess; a search for home.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why. You’ve been rejected, and now you can’t find what you left behind. Be strong now; too many problems. Don’t know where she belongs.” –Avril Lavigne, Nobody’s Home

In the middle of feeling lost, I’m in the mood to write about this song titled “Nobody’s Home”, performed by Canadian singer-songwriter, Avril Lavigne. It was released on November 4th 2004 as the third single taken from the Lady rocker’s second studio album, “Under My Skin”. The alternative rock ballad track features Daniel Stern on guitar and was produced by Don Gilmore and written by Lavigne herself along with Ben Moody, former Evanescence’s guitarist and Lavigne’s then-current good friend. An official accompany music video directed by Diane Martel was premiered on October 20th 2004 on MTV’s Total Request Live. Lyrically, the song follows the story of a woman who feels that she cannot seem to find a place where she belongs to; a place she can call home.


"Nobody's Home" single cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

Emptiness makes me wonder about a lot of things. It makes me reflect upon myself; who I am and what I have done so far in this life. I know that people may have known me as a bright and cheerful girl; a laid-back person who knows how to enjoy life, and sometimes I even seem to enjoy it too much until the point that they may have known me as a happy-go-lucky person. However, the truth is: that is not entirely me. There are melancholy people, but there are some of them who just do well in covering their melancholic side deep inside. And I’m that kind of person. There are times when I just feel empty inside. And the worst thing is that I can’t explain what exactly makes me feel like that. There are times that this side of mine brings some bad effect towards closest people around me. That way I just keep repeating same old mistake again. “Well I couldn’t tell you why she felt that way, she felt it everyday. And I couldn’t help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes again. What’s wrong now? Too many problems. Don’t know where she belongs.”
Loneliness makes me wonder about so many things. It makes me contemplate upon myself; who I am and what I want to do in this life. I know that people may have known me as a person who has a lot of friends. Hence they think that it’s impossible for a person like me to feel lonely. However, there are times when I feel devastatingly lonely though I’m being surrounded by many of my friends. And the worst thing is that I can’t describe what exactly makes me feel that way. “Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why. You’ve been rejected, and now you can’t find what you left behind. Be strong now; too many problems. Don’t know where she belongs.” There are times when I feel rejected; that I cannot even find a place where I feel like I belong to. And no matter how hard I try to be strong, there are just too many problems that I have to deal with at the same time. “Her feelings she hides, her dreams she can’t find, she’s losing her mind, she’s fallen behind. She can’t find her place, she’s losing her faith, she’s fallen from grace; she’s all over the place.”
There are times when I’m just cracked. Every time I got into this depressive state of mind, everything just makes me crooked. The feelings I hide, the dreams I can’t find, I’m losing my mind. I can’t find my place, I’m losing my faith. I’m fallen from grace. I’m all over the place. I’m so ugly whenever I got into this depressive state of mind. And the worst thing happens when: I got into this depressive state of mind and there is nobody home. It’s not the home physically, but the home psychologically; no one to talk to, no one to share, no one to rest my head on, no one to lean on to. The broken me will be tore apart into pieces; with no one to cheer me up, no one to cry on, no one to make me smile, no one to go to. “She wants to go home, but nobody’s home. It’s where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go to dry her eyes; broken inside.” The emptiness and loneliness makes me long for home. And when there is nobody home, I feel lost. And no one can seem to help me at this moment. And even friends seem out to harm me at this point. And I begin to lose my conscience. “She’s lost inside.”


"Under My Skin" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

Just like what I’ve written above, I’m currently in the depressive state of mind. Everything feels so wrong at this moment. Everything is not fine at this point. Have you ever felt like being unwanted? Have you ever been rejected? Have you ever felt like being neglected? Have you ever been ignored? Have you ever felt like not being accepted, even by someone you called home? Well I feel that way right now; and most of the time. It’s been a week, and I feel so lost. I thought that a home should be a place where we always feel accepted no matter how ugly we are. I thought that a home should be a place where we can always reach no matter how far and how hard the situation is. I thought that a home should be a place where we are not feeling as a stranger no matter how crazy and weird we are. I thought that a home should be a place where we can always win in the game of chance of life. But perhaps I was wrong. Apparently we can even be rejected and neglected by our own home; or perhaps, I just don’t really have a home where I belong to. Perhaps I’m just a lost soul aching for home that I can never find.

She wants to go home, but nobody’s home. It’s where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go to dry her eyes; broken inside.” –Avril Lavigne, Nobody’s Home




Well I couldn’t tell you why she felt that way, she felt it everyday
And I couldn’t help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes again
What’s wrong, what’s wrong now? Too many, too many problems
Don’t know where she belongs, where she belongs

She wants to go home, but nobody’s home, it’s where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes, broken inside

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why
You’ve been rejected, and now you can’t find what you left behind
Be strong, be strong now, too many, too many problems
Don’t know where she belongs, where she belongs

She wants to go home, but nobody’s home, it’s where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes, broken inside

Her feelings she hides, her dreams she can’t find, she’s losing her mind, she’s fallen behind
She can’t find her place, she’s losing her faith, she’s fallen from grace, she’s all over the place

She wants to go home, but nobody’s home, it’s where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes, broken inside
She’s lost inside, lost inside, she’s lost inside, lost inside

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