No Matter How I Think About It



I’ve been spending this past week with a lot of thoughts. I haven’t gone out from my parents’ house for about six days now. I’ve been living my day to day like a zombie. I sleep during the day and stay awake at night. I’m doing my research report yet I can’t seem to be able to drag my body to come out from the house. I just currently don’t like the idea of meeting people and having a pep-talk with anyone. Whenever I feel tired of reading books or typing my report, I take some time listening to some songs while thinking. Many things across my mind right now, mostly about the past, present, and future of my love life. At this point, I wonder how my love life would end up in the future. Do I really deserve happiness in terms of love and romance relationship? I know I’ve hurt too many people to deserve happiness. I have to live with my karma. Hence I believe that I do not deserve happiness. Hence I believe that I deserve pain. However, I also realize that there are things I cannot just let go like that, no matter how painful it is. And one of those things is this love I have. And apparently my soul always tends to go back to the person who feels like home; and that person is my significant other.

If I stay like this any longer, if I remain like this, I think I’ll love you even more. If I stay like this any longer, if I keep looking at you like this, I just won’t be able to leave you.” –Sweet Sorrow, No Matter How I Think About It (아무리 생각해도 너를)

In the middle of my melancholic moment, I recall this one song that depicts my current state of mood really well. This is a Korean song titled “No Matter How I Think About It (아무리 생각해도 너를)”, performed by male vocals group, Sweet Sorrow, for the soundtrack of 2006 television series, “Alone in Love”. This ballad track was released as a single on May 4th 2006, and later on May 8th 2006 was released as a part of the album “Alone in Love OST”. “No Matter How I Think About It (아무리 생각해도 너를)” was written and composed by Noh Young Shim and was arranged by Woo Hyung Yoon. Lyrically, it depicts the main characters couple portrayed by Son Ye Jin and Kam Woo Sung, as it follows the story of an ex-married couple that apparently cannot let go of each other though they got separated because of a great traumatic incident in their marriage life. Through a series of events in their divorced life, they find out that they belong to be together in the end. I really love the vocals harmonization of In Ho Jin, Song Woo Jin, Kim Young Woo, and Sung Jin Hwan in this sweet-sorrow ballad. It reminds me that, no matter how we think about it, there is always a person in whom our soul always tends to go back to; it is the person in which we feel as home.


"Alone in Love OST" album cover | source: soompi.com

There are things that we cannot just deny, no matter how hard we try to. There are things that no matter how we think about it, we cannot just figure out why we feel that way. There are things that no matter how hard we try to forget, we cannot just forget. There are things that no matter how hard we try to turn our back away from, we cannot just do that. And to be honest, for me personally, that one particular thing is this love I have for my significant other. Even until the point that it hurts me so much, I just cannot throw it all away, no matter how I think about it. Even to the point that it makes me feel lonely in this fight for love; I just cannot neglect it, no matter how I think about it. Even if he just smiles and says nothing, I just cannot give it up just like that, no matter how I think about it. “No matter how I think about it, though I close my eyes like I’ve forgotten , though I turn away like I don’t, if I just be a little more honest, I’m in, to the point that it hurts this much, to the point that I look at you with these lonely eyes, but you just smiled.”
There are things that we cannot just ignore, no matter how hard we try to. There is always certain person for everyone that they cannot just let go, no matter how many times they have to be separated. There is always certain person for everyone that they will return to, no matter how many times they’ve been apart before. There is always certain person for everyone that will be their reality, no matter how they’ve been told that it’s just a dream. There is always certain person for everyone that they can always come back to, no matter how they’ve been told that it’s really over. And to bravely acknowledge it, for me personally, that person is my significant other. Even until the point that it hurts me so much, I just cannot let it slip through my hands, no matter how I think about it. Even it brings me to tears like this; I just cannot wave the white flag and surrender to the situation, no matter how I think about it. “No matter how we go our separate ways, though we split up day after day, though you’ve told me it’s just a dream, though you’ve told me it’s really over, if I can just be brave this one time, I'm in, to the point that you’ve hurt me this much, so much it brings me to tears like this, I couldn’t bring myself to come near you and hug you again.”
Even though I cannot come near him this time, I just cannot let it end just like this. Even though I cannot give him a warm hug at this moment, I just cannot give it up just like this. Even if I can only long for him from a far, even if I can only send my prayer for him from a distant, I could love him even more. Even if I can only watch over him from a far, even if I can only think of him from a distant, I would not be able to leave him. “If I stay like this any longer, if I remain like this, I think I’ll love you even more. If I stay like this any longer, if I keep looking at you like this, I just won’t be able to leave you.” Even if I can only shed a tear for him from a far, even if I can only hope for him from a distant, I could reach him. Even if I can only stay like this longer, even if I can only miss him, even if I can only hang around like this, I will love him more in every second of my breath. “If I keep hanging around like this, if I keep shedding tears like this, I think I’ll love you even more. If I stay like this any longer, if I keep looking at you like this, I think I might just reach you.”


"Alone in Love" drama stills | source: sbs.co,kr

“I whisper it over my narrow shoulder; so much it always gives me strength, like mild sunbeams drawing you near again and wrapping arms around you.” There is always a person for everyone that can always give them strength to walk on the rough path, in the way that cannot be explained. There is always a person for everyone that can always draw them near again even when they are far apart, in the way that cannot be described. And for me, that person is my significant other. No matter how I think about it over and over again, the answer is always him. No matter how I think about it over and over again, every way leads me to him. No matter how I think about it over and over again, he is my one and only that I cannot just let go. No matter how I think about it over and over again, this love for him is the one that I cannot just give up away. No matter how I think about it over and over again, us is the one that I want to keep fighting for. No matter how I think about it over and over again, he is the one that I need, because he is the one that I love, and he is the one that I could love no matter how hard it was, how rough it is, and how painful it will be.

If I keep hanging around like this, if I keep shedding tears like this, I think I’ll love you even more. If I stay like this any longer, if I keep looking at you like this, I think I might just reach you.” –Sweet Sorrow, No Matter How I Think About It (아무리 생각해도 너를)




아무리 생각해도  너를 아무리 생각해도  너를
(Amuri saenggakhaedo nan neoreul amuri saenggakhaedo nan neoreul)
((No matter how I think about it, no matter how I think about it))
잊은듯 눈감아도  너를 아닌듯 돌아서도 너를
(Ijeundeut nungamado nan neoreul anindeut doraseodo nan neoreul)
((Though I close my eyes like I’ve forgotten, though I turn away like I don’t))
조금만 솔직해도 너를 그렇게 아파하도록 너를
(Jogeumman soljikhaejweo na neoreul geureohke apahadorok neoreul)
((If I just be a little more honest, I’m in, to the point that it hurts this much))
이렇게 바라보도록 쓸쓸한 눈으로 다만 웃고만 있었지
(Ireohke barabodorok sseulsseulhan nuneuro daman utgoman isseotji)
((To the point that I look at you with these lonely eyes, but you just smiled))

아무리 헤어져도 너를 매일 이별해도 너를
(Amuri heeojyeodo nan neoreul nae il tto ibyeolhaedo nan neoreul)
((No matter how we go our separate ways, though we split up day after day))
이미 꿈이래도 너를 정말로 끝이래도 너를
(Imi neon kkumiraedo nan neoreul jongmalo kkeuchiraedo nan neoreul)
((Though you’ve told me it’s just a dream, though you’ve told me it’s really over))
한번만 용기내도 너를 그렇게 아파하도록 너를
(Hanbeonman yonggi naedo nan neoreul geureohke apahadorok neoreul)
((If I can just be brave this one time, I'm in, to the point that you’ve hurt me this much))
이렇게 눈물짓도록 다시는 다가가 차마 안을 없었지
(Ireohke nunmul jitdorok dashigeum dagaga chama aneul su eopseotji)
((So much it brings me to tears like this, I couldn’t bring myself to come near you and hug you again))

이대로 있으면 이대로 머무르면 너를 사랑할 같아
(Na idaero deo isseumyeon idaero meomureomyeon neoreul deo saranghal geot gata)
((If I stay like this any longer, if I remain like this, I think I’ll love you even more))
이대로 있으면 이대로 바라보면 떠날 없을것만 같아
(Na idaero deo isseumyeon idaero barabomyeon tto nal su eopseul geotman gata)
((If I stay like this any longer, if I keep looking at you like this, I just won’t be able to leave you))

내작은 어깨 위로 너를 언제나 힘이 되도록 너를
(Nae jageun eokkaewiro na neoreul eonjena himi dwedorok neoreul)
((I whisper it over my narrow shoulder, so much it always gives me strength))
따스한 햇살처럼 다시 다가가 감싸
(Ttaseuhan haetsal cheoreom nan dashi tto dagaga gamssa)
((Like mild sunbeams drawing you near again and wrapping arms around you))

이대로 서성이면 이대로 눈물지면 너를 사랑할것같아
(Nan idaero seoseongimyeon idaero nunmuljieumyeon neoreul deo saranghal geot gata)
((If I keep hanging around like this, if I keep shedding tears like this, I think I’ll love you even more))
이대로 있으면 이대로 바라보면 너를 붙잡을 것만 같아
(Nan idaero deo isseumyeon idaero barabomyeon neoreul butjanbeul geotman gata)
((If I stay like this any longer, if I keep looking at you like this, I think I might just reach you))

아무리 생각해도 너를 아무리 생각해도 너를
(Amuri saenggakhaedo nan neoreul amuri saenggakhaedo nan neoreul)
((No matter how I think about it, no matter how I think about it))
아무리 헤어져도 너를 매일 이별해도 너를
(Amuri heeojyeodo nan neoreul naeil tto ibyeolhaedo nan neoreul)
((No matter how we go our separate ways, though we split up day after day))
잊은듯 눈감아도 너를 아닌 돌아서도 너를
(Ijeundeut nungamado nan neoreul anindeut doraseodo nan neoreul)
((Though I close my eyes like I’ve forgotten, though I turn away like I don’t))
이미 꿈이래 너를 정말로 끝이래도 너를
(Imineon kkeumiraedo nan neoreul jeongmallo kkeuchiraedo nan neoreul)
((Though you’ve told me it’s just a dream, though you’ve told me it’s really over))

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