If You're Gone



Being separated from our significant other will surely drive us crazy. And that is what I’m going through right now. It is like we are forcefully being taken away from our dear home. We are lost in the middle of nowhere. We are empty inside. Nothing could ever make us feeling better. No matter how hard we try to keep ourselves busy, we just cannot seem to get rid off of this emptiness inside. No matter how many people we try to meet and mingle with, we just cannot seem to fill in the blank inside our heart. No matter how many works we try to keep our mind occupied with, we just cannot seem to erase this painful excruciation inside. We start to wonder about many things. We think too much. We feel worry easily. And we cannot help but getting anxious. We keep feeling insecure. And though we know that it’s all only in our head, we just cannot seem to take it away from our heart. Our heart just won’t admit what our head already know. For we only understand one thing: all that we want and need is for our significant other to come back home, here with us.

I think I’ve already lost you. I think you’re already gone. I think I’m finally scared now. And you think I’m weak, I think you’re wrong.” –Matchbox Twenty, If You’re Gone

My partner has been so busy lately and I’ve been missing him so much too. As much as I really don’t want us to grow apart, I would like to dedicate this writing for him. It departs from a song titled “If You’re Gone”, performed by American rock band, Matchbox Twenty. The pop rock track was released on October 3rd 2000 as the second single taken from the band’s second studio album, “Mad Season”. “If You’re Gone” was written by the band’s front-man, Rob Thomas, inspired by his separation for some weeks with his future wife back then. Lyrically, it speaks about: even though it’s a crazy time to build a relationship, love will always give strength to people for making it work and worth it. And this is what I feel currently. Though the situation is exhausting us, we should try to make things work, because in the end, we are each other’s home. Therefore, in hopes that he would feel what I feel, I write this all; in hopes that he will always know his way home. And his home is here with me, together.


"If You're Gone" single cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

Being separated from my significant other makes me wonder about so many things. And most of the times, it happens just because of my habit of over-thinking. There are times when I cannot help but thinking that I’ve already lost him, that he’s already gone, that I let him slip off of my hands. There are times when I cannot help but thinking that he’s already leaving, that his hand is on the door, that I let him pass by just like that. And those kinds of thoughts make me scared as hell. “I think I’ve already lost you, I think you’re already gone. I think I’m finally scared now, and you think I’m weak, I think you’re wrong. I think you’re already leaving, feels like your hand is on the door. I thought this place was an empire, and now I’m relaxed and I can’t be sure.” Those kinds of thoughts terrify me, torture me, and excruciate me to the bones. Those kinds of thoughts keep me anxious during the day and keep me awake at night. “I bet you’re hard to get over, I bet the room just won’t shine. I bet my hands I can stay here; I bet you need more than you mind.”
Being separated from my significant other makes me wonder about a lot of things. And most of the times, though I know that it happens only in my head, I just cannot help but being consumed by it. However, I also know that he is having a hard time as well. I also know that his day is cloudy and dark too without me. I also know that he needs me. And I also know that what he always wanted was just to stay beside me. Most of the times, those thoughts don’t help me much from my over-thinking. “But I think you’re so mean, I think we should try, I think I could need this in my life. And I think I’m scared, I think too much, I know it’s wrong, it’s a problem I’m dealing.” I still think that he made such a mean decision at times. I still think that we must at least try to work things out. I still think that we need to get through this process in our life. Yet I know I think too much. And that’s my problem. “And I think you’re so mean, I think we should try, I think I could need this in my life. And I think I’m scared that I know too much, I can’t relate and that’s a problem I’m feeling.”
Being apart from my significant other makes me realize so many things. It’s the problem I’m dealing with myself that I think too much; I know it’s wrong yet I can’t help it most of the times. It’s the problem I’m feeling with myself that I know too much; I know I can’t relate with him yet I can’t help it most of the times. It’s the problem I’m dealing with myself that I talk too much; I know it’s wrong yet I can’t help it most of the times. And eventually it all makes me scared. “I think you’re so mean, I think we should try, I think I could need this in my life. And I think I’m scared, do I talk too much? I know it’s wrong, it’s a problem I’m dealing.” However, somehow I always have this belief that we are meant to be together, that we belong to each other. And if he’s gone, maybe it’s time to come home, here with me. He needs to come home. “If you’re gone maybe it’s time to come home. There’s an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move. And if you’re gone, baby, you need to come home. ‘Cause there’s a little bit of something me in everything in you.”


"Mad Season" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

Lately I have been bothered about this one thought: can two people naturally grow apart because of their busy schedule? Even if they are soul-mates who love each other deeply and sincerely, can they? Perhaps it’s highly possible when they are celebrities. (I read many articles about celebrity couples who were breaking up because they naturally grow apart due to their busy schedules.) However, I am not a celebrity, and neither my partner. And in my humble opinion, love needs to be looked after for it to be able to grow. And that’s what people do in a relationship: they look after the love they have for each other. Hence it does not make sense that a couple could grow apart naturally because of their busy schedules. It’s just merely an excuse for unwillingness to look after their love. The thing that makes me afraid the most is: we are become estranged because of the stress we got from our environment when we should be taking care of each other instead. Instead of ignoring and neglecting each other, we must be supporting each other. I miss you, Vidi Mahatma. If you’re gone, maybe it’s time to come home, here with me. I’m sorry that I can’t relate to your situation most of the time, but maybe you just need to come home, here with me.

If you’re gone, maybe it’s time to come home. There’s an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move. And if you’re gone, baby, you need to come home, ‘cause there’s a little bit of something me in everything in you.” –Matchbox Twenty, If You’re Gone




I think I’ve already lost you, I think you’re already gone
I think I’m finally scared now, and you think I’m weak, I think you’re wrong
I think you’re already leaving, feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire, and now I’m relaxed and I can’t be sure
But I think you’re so mean, I think we should try, I think I could need this in my life
And I think I’m scared, I think too much, I know it’s wrong, it’s a problem I’m dealing

If you’re gone maybe it’s time to come home
There’s an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move
And if you’re gone, baby, you need to come home
‘Cause there’s a little bit of something me in everything in you

I bet you’re hard to get over, I bet the room just won’t shine
I bet my hands I can stay here, I bet you need more than you mind
And I think you’re so mean, I think we should try, I think I could need this in my life
And I think I’m scared that I know too much, I can’t relate and that’s a problem I’m feeling

If you’re gone maybe it’s time to come home
There’s an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move
If you’re gone, baby, you need to come home
There’s a little bit of something me in everything in you

I think you’re so mean, I think we should try, I think I could need this in my life
And I think I’m scared, do I talk too much? I know it’s wrong, it’s a problem I’m dealing

If you’re gone maybe it’s time to come home
There’s an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move
And if you’re gone, yeah, baby, you need to come home
There’s a little bit of something me in everything in you

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