Love Yourself



There is no hierarchy in pain. I know. Everyone suffers all the same in the world of love and relationship. However, when it comes to heartache, we can always talk better about our own pain instead of somebody else’s or our partner’s. That is because we experience that pain all by ourselves. And in a relationship, love is never reciprocal. Everyone has their own way to define what love is and to love their significant other. Hence love will never be reciprocal in a relationship, because it engages two people in it. Therefore, pain and heartache is inevitable in a romance relationship. I always think that people who cannot love themselves properly are not able to love their significant other properly too. However, there is this dialectical debate between I and myself about how to love ourselves properly. If in the process of loving ourselves properly we accidentally hurt our partner, then is it what love truly is? My answer is no. Loving ourselves is one thing, but loving ourselves in the context of being in a relationship is another thing.

And I never like to admit that I was wrong. And I’ve been so caught up in my job; didn’t see what's going on. But now I know, I’m better sleeping on my own.” –Justin Bieber, Love Yourself

This time I’m in the mood of writing about this song titled “Love Yourself”, performed by Canadian singer Justin Bieber. It was released on November 9th 2015 as a promotional as well as the third single taken from the singer’s fourth studio album, “Purpose”. The acoustic pop track was written by Bieber himself along with Ed Sheeran and Benny Blanco. Lyrically, as stated by the Wikipedia, the song is a kiss-off to a narcissistic ex-lover who did the protagonist wrong. I don’t know why, I feel sad whenever I listen to this song though it speaks in a spiteful tone and manner. In my perspective, these words can only come out from someone who is getting hurt deeply. It’s the kind of pain that is unimaginably unbearable and indescribable.


"Love Yourself" single cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

There is time when we come to a realization that in the relationship we have with our significant other, there are times when we are taken for granted. We may have not realized it from the beginning because we tend to do it all sincerely. And that is what love means for me personally; we are willing to do anything for the sake of our significant other, sincerely. We tend to tolerate everything that they do even though it hurts us badly. And we tend to forgive anything even though it breaks our heart in pieces. “For all the times that you rain on my parade, and all the clubs you get in using my name. You think you broke my heart, oh, girl for goodness’ sake, you think I’m crying on my own, well, I ain’t.” However, when we have come to the realization that we are only taken for granted, that is when we begin to see things differently. “And when you told me that you hated my friends, the only problem was with you and not them. And every time you told me my opinion was wrong, and tried to make me forget where I came from.”
Love is indeed selfish and egocentric. However, being in a relationship means we are willing to learn about how to turn the selfishness and egocentric feeling into sincerity, since we have to widen our perspective in order to be able to understand our partner. We automatically become vulnerable in the process. Our walls are breaking down naturally. “For all the times that you made me feel small, I fell in love, now I feel nothing at all. And I never felt so low when I was vulnerable, was I a fool to let you break down my walls?” And when we have opened up ourselves, but apparently it isn’t accepted well by our partner, that is when the pain emerges; because apparently both the effort and the feeling are unrequited. We try hard to be not selfish, yet we don’t get that from our partner. After all, it’s still egocentric. “And I didn’t wanna write a song, ‘cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I still care, I don’t, but you still hit my phone up. And, baby, I be moving on, and I think you should be something I don’t wanna hold back, maybe you should know that.”
When we are in love with our significant other, we tend to see good things only. It is because we love sincerely. No matter what other people might say about it, we tend to not giving much care about it. However, as time passes by, the truth will reveal. And time will show whether our sincerity is being well accepted and appreciated by our significant other or just merely being taken for granted. “My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone, and I never like to admit that I was wrong. And I’ve been so caught up in my job, didn’t see what's going on, but now I know, I’m better sleeping on my own.” And when the time comes when we realize that our sincerity is being taken for granted, we gradually become skeptical and cynical toward everything we once thought was pure. It happens because we are being hurt deeply by the process; because our heart is broken in pieces. “‘Cause if you like the way you look that much, oh, baby, you should go and love yourself. And if you think that I’m still holding on to something, you should go and love yourself.”


"Purpose" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

In my humble opinion, loving ourselves in the context of being in a relationship means we have to respect and appreciate our significant other in order to respect and appreciate ourselves. It means that every thing we do, every decision we make, and every effort we take should be for the sake of the relationship itself instead of just for the sake of our own selves. (If it’s only for the sake of our own selves then that would be just a selfish and egocentric feeling.) A relationship is crumbling down when one begins to neglect the other without the intention of coming back strong to strengthen the relationship. It is crumbling down when one begins to make their own ego as priority instead of trying to understand the other’s perspective and negotiate every problem in order to redefine the relationship. It takes two to tango. A relationship won’t work if it’s only one of the two that is working on to reflect and contemplate upon their selves. If there is still a little bit of care and williingness to go on, then before it’s too late, it’s important to open up our heart and mind to reflect and contemplate: how do we love?

For all the times that you made me feel small; I fell in love, now I feel nothing at all. And I never felt so low when I was vulnerable; was I a fool to let you break down my walls?” –Justin Bieber, Love Yourself




For all the times that you rain on my parade, and all the clubs you get in using my name
You think you broke my heart, oh, girl for goodness’ sake, you think I’m crying on my own, well, I ain’t
And I didn’t wanna write a song, ‘cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I still care, I don’t, but you still hit my phone up
And, baby, I be moving on, and I think you should be something I don’t wanna hold back, maybe you should know that

My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone, and I never like to admit that I was wrong
And I’ve been so caught up in my job, didn’t see what's going on, but now I know, I’m better sleeping on my own
‘Cause if you like the way you look that much, oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I’m still holding on to something, you should go and love yourself

And when you told me that you hated my friends, the only problem was with you and not them
And every time you told me my opinion was wrong, and tried to make me forget where I came from
And I didn’t wanna write a song, ‘cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I still care, I don’t, but you still hit my phone up
And, baby, I be moving on, and I think you should be something I don’t wanna hold back, maybe you should know that

My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone, and I never like to admit that I was wrong
And I’ve been so caught up in my job, didn’t see what’s going on, but now I know, I’m better sleeping on my own
‘Cause if you like the way you look that much, oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I’m still holding on to something, you should go and love yourself

For all the times that you made me feel small, I fell in love, now I feel nothing at all
And I never felt so low when I was vulnerable, was I a fool to let you break down my walls?

‘Cause if you like the way you look that much, oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I’m still holding on to something, you should go and love yourself
‘Cause if you like the way you look that much, oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think (you think) that I’m (that I’m) still holding on (holding on) to something
You should go and love yourself

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