Archive for March 2017

I know that people believe what they want to believe. And I want to believe that people are actually meant to be a wanderer. I believe that human being was sent to live in this Earth to learn; learn about life and their existence in it. And in order to fulfill that purpose, we have to wander. Whether we wander psychically or psychologically, whether it is our body or our mind, we have to wander. In my humble opinion, we need to learn thoroughly about a thing, and it is better to understand thoroughly about something rather than understand partly about everything. I know that as a human being we have some limits regarding to our capacity to think and keep things in mind. However, the very least (yet also the best) that we can do is being humble about it. Hence it is better if we know thoroughly about something rather than knowing only a little part of so many things. Perhaps that is why people say that thinkers and learners are lonely. Well, that is alright. Since I can reassure you, if you are thinker and learner, believe me, you are not alone. I guess we are all soldiers of fortune; and by that I mean is that we are all lonely traveler and mercenary of life.

“Many times I’ve been a traveler, I looked for something new. In days of old when nights were cold, I wandered without you.” –Deep Purple, Soldier of Fortune

The song I would like to write about this time is titled “Soldier of Fortune”, performed by the legendary English hard rock band, Deep Purple. This song a blues rock ballad was written by David Coverdale and Ritchie Blackmore and originally released on November 1974 as a part of the band’s ninth studio album, “Stormbringer”. Though Deep Purple has never released the song as a single and it has never placed on the record charts, it has developed a cult following over the years, and cover versions have been released by many artists. The term used for the title, Soldier of Fortune, could be interpreted in many ways ranging from adventurer to mercenary. I personally interpret it as a wanderer in the context of the song’s lyrics.

"Stormbringer" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

Some people choose to be alone because they are afraid of being hurt. Some people choose to go on their own because they are tired of having their expectation broken. Some people choose to do a single fight because they have lost their trust towards others. However, no matter how tough we are as we have been taught by loneliness, at some point we would eventually long for someone to hold on to. No matter how strong we are as we have been taught by the lesson, at some point we would eventually crave for something to warm our heart and soul. No matter how great we are as a single fighter, at some point we would eventually need someone to love. No matter how far we have gone along the journey, we would eventually need someone to stay and settle down with. We would eventually need someone to accompany us. “I have often told you stories about the way I lived the life of a drifter; waiting for the day when I’d take your hand and sing you songs then maybe you would say, come lay with me, love me, and I would surely stay.”

Some people were born to be a thinker, a philosopher, and a wanderer. The more people think, the more they feel lonely. The more people wander, the more they feel lonely. Since the more they discover, the more they realize that they have nothing. The more they open their horizon, the more they realize that they are just a speck of dust within the galaxy. Hence they feel lonelier. People can be a thinker, a philosopher, and a wanderer, but they cannot deny that there is this hole inside their heart that cannot be filled with anything they have found along the journey. They cannot avoid that there is something missing inside their lost soul. No matter how far we have been traveled, we would eventually long for home. And yes, we travel far enough only to know that we belong to home. “Many times I’ve been a traveler, I looked for something new. In days of old when nights were cold, I wandered without you. But those days I thought my eyes had seen you standing near. Though blindness is confusing, it shows that you’re not here.”

And they say that people get lonelier as they get older. As we get older, we would realize that things have already changed from the way things before. And ironically, at the same time we would probably find that we are the only one who has not changed at all. As we get older, we would realize that things are different now from the way things used to be. And ironically, at the same time we would feel that we are the only one who stays the same. Hence we would feel lonelier when we got older. “Now I feel I’m growing older, and the songs that I have sung echo in the distance, like the sound of a windmill going ‘round. I guess I’ll always be a soldier of fortune.” As we get older, we would realize that things have passed and are in the past now. And ironically, at the same time we would find ourselves living in the past as we keep on reminiscing on it. Hence we realize that we never changed. We are always this wanderer longing for home. “Yes, I can hear the sound of a windmill going ‘round. I guess I’ll always be a soldier of fortune.”

"Deepest Purple: The Very Best of Deep Purple" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

Human being is a lonely wanderer on Earth. They were born. They learn as they grow up. They keep learning when they are grown-ups. They always learn even when they are old. That is the way they have to be. And I believe that it is the way they must be. I believe that human being was sent to this Earth to learn and never stop learning. And though they are alone in this world, they are never actually all alone. Every each of us is alone. Hence all of us are not alone. Though we are a soldier of fortune, we are all an army of fortune. Of course it feels melancholy to find ourselves getting older as we reflect all of the things that we have been through in this life. And it feels heartfelt to find ourselves having been revolving in the process of getting old with all of the things that have ever happened to us. We will always be this human who has curiosity towards many things. We will always be this human who feels anxious and fears toward some things. We will always be this human who longs for something called home in our journey of life.

“Now I feel I’m growing older, and the songs that I have sung echo in the distance, like the sound of a windmill going ‘round. I guess I’ll always be a soldier of fortune.” –Deep Purple, Soldier of Fortune

I have often told you stories about the way

I lived the life of a drifter, waiting for the day

When I’d take your hand and sing you songs then maybe you would say

Come lay with me, love me, and I would surely stay

But I feel I'm growing older, and the songs that I have sung

Echo in the distance, like the sound of a windmill going ‘round

I guess I’ll always be a soldier of fortune

Many times I’ve been a traveler, I looked for something new

In days of old when nights were cold, I wandered without you

But those days I thought my eyes had seen you standing near

Though blindness is confusing, it shows that you’re not here

Now I feel I’m growing older, and the songs that I have sung

Echo in the distance, like the sound of a windmill going ‘round

I guess I’ll always be a soldier of fortune

Yes, I can hear the sound of a windmill going ‘round

I guess I’ll always be a soldier of fortune

Guess I’ll always be a soldier of fortune

Wrote by Mashita Fandia

There is always something about this number: 27. I do not clearly understand why but I always feel like there is something about this number, particularly in relation to number of age. Perhaps because it is the number of age that many legendary musicians and singers died (famously known as the 27’s Club; one of them is my favorite singer, Janis Joplin). Perhaps because it is the number of age that I used to say when people asking when do I plan to get married. Perhaps it is the number of date of my partner’s ex-girlfriend’s birthday (oops, just kidding). Well, whatever the reason is, I always kind of have some personal connection with this number of age. And now, today, I am 27. I used to wonder where I will be at this age; who I will be, what I will achieve, and how I will live my life at this age. However, now that I am really getting to this age, I just kind of forget what I used to wonder about. Twenty-seven is coming just like this. One significant thing that defines the changing in my life in this past a year is: my partner. Well, I cannot deny the fact that he brought some big changes into my life. Beside him, anything else is just: not changing much. I still work at the department, still doing some research. I still study at the graduate school, still working on my thesis. I am still with my partner, but he has taken me to another world this time: a world of ours.

“Every each day seems like a new day as you come and make my heart flutter. You, whom I used to draw in my dreams, is here now, it makes me smile among fearful trembles.” –Yoon Mi Rae, You Are My World (그대라는 세상)

Today’s post marks the 27th year I live as a human being named Mashita Fandia, and yes, I dedicate this writing to my significant other who has made some significant changes in my life this past a year. In order to accompany my purpose, I would like to discuss it through a Korean song titled “You Are My World (그대라는 세상)”, performed by Yoon Mi Rae. This ballad track was recorded as the original soundtrack for Korean famous drama series, “The Legend of the Blue Sea”. It was released on November 24th 2016 as a single album titled “Legend of the Blue Sea OST Part 2”. An official accompany music video was uploaded on the official Youtube account of 1theK on November 23rd 2016. The music video features some romantic scenes in the drama. This sweet song serves as a love theme for the lead characters couple portrayed by Lee Min Ho and Jun Ji Hyun. Yoon’s soulful vocal sings about seeing the world in the person you love.

"Legend of the Blue Sea OST Part 2" single album cover | source: wiki.d-addicts.com

People say that when a door closes, a new door always opens. And people also say that when someone new comes into our life, a door to a whole new world always opens as they come. Well, it is unclear which people who say that and at what time they say that and what context that makes them say that, but at least they got a point, in my humble opinion. Since that was what happened when my significant other came into my life. “The door has opened to a new world, and there you are in it. One step over, and the dazzling world is greeting me in front of my eyes.” We are two people who used to live in a different world. And what I mean by different world here is that we used to live our life separately before it was intertwined by fate, which took place six years ago. He was dazzling at that time and it was not long until I got infatuated with him. However, it also was not long until that dazzling new world being taken away from me. At that time, I had not had the chance to step further into that new world.

I was only taking a peek yet it was enough to keep me dreaming about it. And who knew that the dream was coming true two years ago. The door opened again, and at that time, there was nothing that could stop me from stepping into that world. “Every each day seems like a new day as you come and make my heart flutter. You, whom I used to draw in my dreams, is here now, it makes me smile among fearful trembles.” Each day spent in this new world is like an emotional roller-coaster ride; you feel terrified as hell yet you cannot help but being excited about what is to come next. Knowing that what you always dream of is finally here right in front of your eyes, you are anxious yet curious. Your heart and mind are full of this unexplainable feeling called the smothering relief. And even though you have come this far in life, you feel like you know nothing and have this need to learn for more and know more and more and more. “There are a lot of things I still don’t know yet, so show me your world, and your heart too.”

And in the end of the day, no matter how exhausting you know it is, no matter how big the fear you face, no matter how many doubts you have, no matter how deep the anxiety you feel, you still want to live in that world anyway. And in the end of the day, no matter how hard you know it is, no matter how rough the path is, no matter how windy the road is, no matter how many hurdles you have to go through, you still want to live in that world anyway. And that is when you understand that you want nothing more than being in that world. And that is when you know that you really belong in that world. And when you find a world like that, then do not let go. When you find a world like that, hold on to it. When you find a world like that, reach for it. Since that is your world; real, true, and sincere. “I want to go to you and be in your arms, I want to stay in the world where you are. Come to me and hold my hand, I will love you even if this world keeps changing. I owe you, I miss you, I need you, I love you; forever in your arms.”

Lee Min Ho and Jun Ji Hyun in the drama series "Legend of the Blue Sea" | source: 1theK

So here I am for the future. Here I am standing with my own choices. Here I am staying for what is next to come. And all that is in this world. This is the world that I choose; the world that revolves around him. And there is no more such thing as my world or his world; everything is in the world of us, our world. I am now 27; old enough to understand love, what it is capable of and the pain it can cause, yet I still choose to be in love with him. I want to be in love with him. I need to be in love with him. I am now 27; still too young to understand the meaning of my existence in this life, yet I choose to learn it with him. I want to figure it out with him. I need to reveal it with him. You are my greatest gift that I have for this birthday, Love. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for choosing to stay with me. I cannot thank you enough for all efforts and every struggle you’ve been through to choose this world to be with me. And I cannot thank you enough for letting me to come into this world to be with you. Many happy return for us, and come what may.

“Come to me and hold my hand, I will love you even if this world keeps changing. I owe you, I miss you, I need you, I love you; forever in your arms.” –Yoon Mi Rae, You Are My World (그대라는 세상)

새로운 세상 문이 열려있죠 그대 안에 있네요

(Saeroun sesang muni yeollyeoitjyo geudae ane itneyo)

((The door has opened to a new world, and there you are in it))

한걸음 넘어 눈이 부시게 펼쳐진 세상이 날 반기죠

(Hangeoreum neomeo nuni busige pyeolchyeojin sesangi nal bangijyo)

((One step over, and the dazzling world is greeting me in front of my eyes))

그대 곁에 다가가 안기고 싶어요 머물고 싶죠 그대라는 세상에

(Geudae gyeote dagaga angigo sipeoyo meomulgo sipjyo geudaeraneun sesange)

((I want to go to you and be in your arms, I want to stay in the world where you are))

I owe you, I miss you, I need you, I love you, 영원토록 그대 품에

(I owe you, I miss you, I need you, I love you, yeongwontorok geudae pume)

((I owe you, I miss you, I need you, I love you, forever in your arms))

하루하루가 새롭게 다가와 내 맘 설레게 하죠

(Haruharuga saeropge dagawa nae mam seollege hajyo)

((Every each day seems like a new day as you come and make my heart flutter))

꿈에 그리던 그대 있으니 두려운 떨림도 웃게 하죠

(Kkume geurideon geudae isseuni duryeoun tteollimdo utge hajyo)

((You, whom I used to draw in my dreams, is here now, it makes me smile among fearful trembles))

그대 곁에 다가가 안기고 싶어요 머물고 싶죠 그대라는 세상에

(Geudae gyeote dagaga angigo sipeoyo meomulgo sipjyo geudaeraneun sesange)

((I want to go to you and be in your arms, I want to stay in the world where you are))

I owe you, I miss you, I need you, I love you, 영원토록 그대 품에

(I owe you, I miss you, I need you, I love you, yeongwontorok geudae pume)

((I owe you, I miss you, I need you, I love you, forever in your arms))

난 아직 모르는 게 많죠 그대 세상 그대 맘을 보여줘요

(Nan ajik moreuneun ge manhjyo geudae sesang geudae mameul boyeojwoyo)

((There are a lot of things I still don’t know yet, so show me your world, and your heart too))

내 곁으로 다가와 손잡아 줄래요 사랑할게요 이 세상이 변해도

(Nae gyeoteuro dagawa sonjaba jullaeyo saranghalgeyo i sesangi byeonhaedo)

((Come to me and hold my hand, I will love you even if this world keeps changing))

I owe you, I miss you, I need you, I love you, 영원토록 그대 품에

(I owe you, I miss you, I need you I love you, yeongwontorok geudae pume)

((I owe you, I miss you, I need you, I love you, forever in your arms))

Wrote by Mashita Fandia

Have you ever imagined if you could live forever? Do you think it is a blessing? Or do you think that it is a curse? If we could live forever but we are the only one in this world who could do that, just imagine how lonely that life could be. Forever is a lonely thing. We stay the same while watching all people we cherish the most are slowly getting older one by one. We are still here while watching all people we hold most dear are passing away one by one. Well, I guess there is reason why human does not live forever. With the time given, we are given the chance to find who we are. Along the way, most of the time, we find ourselves in the way we love someone. Along the way, most of the time, we are able to define ourselves in the way we cherish the person we hold most dear. We find it in the time given to spend with that person. We define it in the time given to spend with our significant other. No matter how many times has passed and no matter how far the distance we have taken, we will always remember and be able to recognize that significant other. Perhaps, indeed, every human being has their soul-mate.

“Where I am, who I am; this loneliness feels like a prison. Many people have passed by, but they only passed me by as I keep being in this same place; where I am. Who are you? Who are you, a joy that I couldn’t hide? I was even holding on to the crazy dream world I was looking for, where you were clutching upside down; where are you?” –Sam Kim, Who Are You

This time I would like to talk about the song’s lyrics that suit well for your contemplation time. This is a Korean song titled “Who Are You”, performed by Sam Kim for the original soundtrack of the famous drama series, “Goblin”, or also known as “Guardian: The Lonely and Great God”. It was released on December 25th 2016 as single album, “Goblin OST Part 6”, without any official accompany music video. The ballad track’s lyrics follow the sad story of the main character in the drama series, who is able to find his true love after waiting for so many years (nearly a thousand years), only to find out that he won’t be living for too long to spend it together with his significant other.

"Goblin OST Part 6" single album cover | source: wiki.d-addicts.com

There is a saying that human is a lonely creature; we was born alone and we will die alone. And the loneliest time they ever had is when they think about the essence of their existence in this world. Well, if that is true, then we are trapped in nothing but loneliness as we are living. Therefore, as they are living, human tends to search for something that could replace the loneliness. Hence, eventually, everybody needs somebody. Hence, subconsciously, we spend our lifetime to look for someone who could replace our loneliness. And that someone is not just some people. It is someone whom without we realize, we have seen somewhere inside our dreams. It is someone whom, unconsciously, we have already known that they are the one. “Where I am, who I am; this loneliness feels like a prison. Many people have passed by, but they only passed me by as I keep being in this same place; where I am. Who are you? Who are you, a joy that I couldn’t hide? I was even holding on to the crazy dream world I was looking for, where you were clutching upside down, where are you?”

However, love comes with a cost. Our searching is not over by just finding that person who could replace our loneliness. After that, there is another challenge. There is fear; a fear of losing. And suddenly, our heart seems so fragile and our mind seems so insane about it. And suddenly, our body seems so weak and our head seems to be able to explode anytime. Everything seems so terrifying in a sudden. “The gray sky, the frozen clouds; why am I afraid of everything? Our time together is slowly fading away. As I am holding onto your hand that will get farther away, I beg for life.” We will never know what the future brings, but when we fall in love, we are afraid of death, because we know it all too well that death is the only thing that could separate us from our significant other eternally. No matter how brave we used to be before, everybody is helpless in front of love. No matter how strong we were, people are so small before love. “If I hold you tight just like this, I keep forgetting everything about the place that I have to go back to.”

No matter how far we have traveled and how many years have passed by, we will eventually find our significant other when it is the time to. When we meet that someone whom we are destined to be with, we will be able to recognize them since the very beginning, even if we do not realize it. No matter how many place we have been to and how many faces we have met, we will be able to know that they are the one we are looking for. Even if we are the only one who is able to know, we do not mind at all. Even if we are the only one who is able to remember, it is alright. Even if we are the only one who is able to carry all the baggage, we will do that anyway. After all, that is the essence of loving someone; the one. After all, that is the essence of replacing this eternal loneliness we have as a human being. “I will find you, I will recognize you. Wherever you are, however you look, I will certainly look for you. I will remember you, I will look at you. Even if you’re not there, even if countless sun has set, I won’t forget. Even all of your words and faces, I will carry it.”

Gong Yoo and Kim Go Eun in "Goblin" | source: kdramakisses.wordpress.com

For me personally, when I fall for someone, I tend to fall deeply and sincerely. Whatever it takes, I would take it anyway. Whatever the price, I would pay anyway. Whatever it costs, I would live to it anyway. Perhaps it is truly embodied in me that a human is a lonely creature living a lonely life in a lonely world. Hence when I am in love with someone, I love completely, since that person is filling my loneliness. And I could recognize that this person is my significant other even since the first time I met him. Therefore, wherever life takes me, I will always come back to him. Whomever I meet along the way, his face is the only one that I will always recognize among the crowds. And whenever life takes me, I will always long for the time I spend with him. Since every time I spend with him is what defining me as a human. Since every moment I have with him is the way I find myself. Since I am who I am when I am with him, and I love the way I am when I am with him. And I will not let it go even if time burns my body into ashes and rusts my soul into dust.

“The gray sky, the frozen clouds; why am I afraid of everything? Our time together is slowly fading away. As I am holding onto your hand that will get farther away, I beg for life.” –Sam Kim, Who Are You

Where I am, who I am 감옥같은 이 쓸쓸함

(Where I am, who I am, gamokgateun i sseulsseulham)

((Where I am, who I am, this loneliness feels like a prison))

많은 사람들이 지나갔지만 모두 나를 지나가기만 했던 이 곳 where I am

(Manheun saramdeuri jinagatjiman modu nareul jinagagiman haetdeon i got, where I am)

((Many people have passed by, but they only passed me by as I keep being in this same place, where I am))

Who are you? Who are you? 감출 수 없는 기쁨

(Who are you? Who are you? Gamchul su eopneun gippeum)

((Who are you? Who are you? A joy that I couldn’t hide))

미친듯 세상을 뒤집어 찾던 꿈에서조차 움켜쥐고 있던 그대 where are you?

(Michindeut sesangeul dwijibeo chajdeon kkumeseojocha umkyeojwigo itdeon geudae, where are you?)

((I was even holding on to the crazy dream world I was looking for, where you were clutching upside down, where are you?))

내가 꼭 찾아낼께 내가 널 알아볼께

(Naega kkok chajanaelkke naega neol arabolkke)

((I will find you, I will recognize you))

니가 있는 곳 어디든 모습이 어떻든 꼭 알아볼게

(Niga itneun got eodideun moseubi eotteohdeun kkok arabolge)

((Wherever you are, however you look, I will certainly look for you))

내가 꼭 기억할께 내가 널 바라볼께

(Naega kkok gieokhalkke naega neol barabolkke)

((I will remember you, I will look at you))

니가 없는 곳에서도 수많은 해가 져도 잊지 않을께

(Niga eopneun goseseodo sumanheun haega jyeodo ijji anheulkke)

((Even if you’re not there, even if countless sun has set, I won’t forget))

너의 말투 표정 하나까지 담아갈께

(Neoui maltu pyojeong hanakkaji damagalkke)

((Even all of your words and faces, I will carry it))

흐린 하늘 멈춘 구름 왜 모든게 두려울까

(Heurin haneul meomchun gureum wae modeunge duryeoulkka)

((The gray sky, the frozen clouds, why am I afraid of everything?))

너와 있는 시간이 느려지고 자꾸 멀어질 니 손을 붙잡고 있어 I beg for life

(Neowa itneun sigani neuryeojigo jakku meoreojil ni soneul butjapgo isseo, I beg for life)

((Our time together is slowly fading away, as I am holding onto your hand that will get farther away, I beg for life))

내가 꼭 찾아낼께 내가 널 알아볼께

(Naega kkok chajanaelkke naega neol arabolkke)

((I will find you, I will recognize you))

니가 있는 곳 어디든 모습이 어떻든 꼭 알아볼게

(Niga itneun got eodideun moseubi eotteohdeun kkok arabolge)

((Wherever you are, however you look, I will certainly look for you))

내가 꼭 기억할께 내가 널 바라볼께

(Naega kkok gieokhalkke naega neol barabolkke)

((I will remember you, I will look at you))

니가 없는 곳에서도 수많은 해가 져도 잊지 않을께

(Niga eopneun goseseodo sumanheun haega jyeodo ijji anheulkke)

((Even if you’re not there, even if countless sun has set, I won’t forget))

내가 널 이렇게 꼭 안고 있으면 자꾸 모두 잊어 버리게 돼 내가 돌아가야 하는곳

(Naega neol ireohge kkok ango isseumyeon jakku modu ijeo beorige dwae naega doragaya haneungot)

((If I hold you tight just like this, I keep forgetting everything about the place that I have to go back to))

내가 꼭 찾아낼께 내가 널 알아볼께

(Naega kkok chajanaelkke naega neol arabolkke)

((I will find you, I will recognize you))

니가 있는 곳 어디든 모습이 어떻든 꼭 알아볼게

(Niga itneun got eodideun moseubi eotteohdeun kkok arabolge)

((Wherever you are, however you look, I will certainly look for you))

내가 꼭 기억할께 내가 널 바라볼께

(Naega kkok gieokhalkke naega neol barabolkke)

((I will remember you, I will look at you))

니가 없는 곳에서도 수많은 해가 져도 잊지 않을께

(Niga eopneun goseseodo sumanheun haega jyeodo ijji anheulkke)

((Even if you’re not there, even if countless sun has set, I won’t forget))

너의 말투 표정 하나까지 담아갈께

(Neoui maltu pyojeong hanakkaji damagalkke)

((Even all of your words and faces, I will carry it))

Wrote by Mashita Fandia

Recently I’ve been thinking about what I really search for in this life. I’ve been wondering about the reason of my existence in this world. And there are times when I think the reason why I was born as myself. And I wonder how it would be if I were born as somebody else. Lately I’ve been thinking about what love really means. I’ve been wondering whether I have been really in love; feeling it or having it or experiencing it. And there are times when I think whether it is right that love is the answer. And I wonder whether love is what I have been searching for in this life. And here comes another question: what kind of love is it? Is it a platonic kind of love that a Mother has towards her children? Is it a passionate kind of love that a lover has towards their partner? Is it a supportive kind of love that a friend has towards their friends? Is it a professional kind of love that a colleague has towards their other colleagues or perhaps a whore has towards their consumers? Is it an admiration kind of love that the fans have towards their idol? Is it a devoted kind of love that a teacher has towards their students? Is it a warm kind of love that somebody has towards their significant other? Is it a utopian kind of love that everyone has dreamt of to find throughout their lifetime?

“City of stars, are you shining just for me? City of stars, there’s so much that I can’t see. Who knows? I felt it from the first embrace I shared with you, that now our dreams, they’ve finally come true.” –Ryan Gosling & Emma Stone, City of Stars

Life is a lonely thing without love. And this big city I live in is a lonely place without my beloved ones. This song I would like to talk about this time is titled “City of Stars”, performed by actors Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone from the 2016 drama musical film “La La Land”. The music of the song was composed by Justin Hurwitz, while the lyrics were provided by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul. This beautiful duet was released in December 9th 2016 as a part of “La La Land: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack” album. In the film, the song was performed by the main characters couple, Sebastian and Mia (portrayed by Gosling and Stone, respectively), before they were separated because Sebastian had to go for a tour with his band. The song won a Best Original Song at the 89th Academy Awards. The lovely lyrics speak about how lonely people are in this metropolitan city of stars without someone to love and be loved.

"La La Land: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

As a human being, we were born without knowing anything about the essence of our existence in this life. We were meant to find it along the journey of our life. We were meant to find it through things that we want to achieve in this life. Hence people are able to hang on in this cold and harsh life for we are living while holding on to dreams. We were meant to find the essence of our existence in this life through the process and efforts of pursuing those dreams. And who knows where we can find it from? And who knows in what form we will find it? It could be coming from a simple thing; as simple as a warm hug we share with someone we’ve just met. It could be coming from a big thing too; as big as being able to live in a city of stars that we’ve always dreamt of. It could be coming from a meeting with someone special; our significant other. “City of stars, are you shining just for me? City of stars, there’s so much that I can’t see. Who knows? I felt it from the first embrace I shared with you, that now our dreams, they’ve finally come true.”

I guess that every human being in this world has their own reason why they are able to hold on living. I believe that they all have some dreams that keep them alive and continue living despite any kinds of situation. I understand that we were meant to find the essence of our existence in this life through the process and hardships of pursuing those dreams; one thing that everybody has and wants to achieve. And who knows where we can find it? It could be coming while we’re in the middle of crowded restaurant. And who knows in what form we will find it? It could be in a form of love from someone else, a rush in the fluttering heart, a short shining glance, a slight touch on the skin, or a dance we share on the floor. Indeed, in the end of the day, human is craving for a love from someone else and every of its possible forms. “City of stars, just one thing everybody wants. There in the bars, and through the smokescreen of the crowded restaurants. It’s love, yes, all we’re looking for is love from someone else; a rush, a glance, a touch, a dance.”

After all, indeed, human is longing for a love from someone else, and all of its possible forms. It could be in the eyes that can brighten up even our darkest day. It could be in the eyes that can open up our horizon and make us see beyond it. It could be in the voice that can wash away our loneliness. It could be in the voice that can make us feeling reassured that everything will be okay. “A look in somebody’s eyes to light up the skies, to open the world and send it reeling. A voice that says, I’ll be here, and you’ll be alright. I don’t care if I know just where I will go, ‘cause all that I need is this crazy feeling, a rat-tat-tat on my heart. Think I want it to stay.” It is this crazy little thing called love that makes us stay alive. It is this mad feeling called love that makes us keep on moving. It is this insane irrational concept called love that makes us continue living. And when we find it, suddenly everything seems so different though it is all the same. “City of stars, are you shining just for me? City of stars, you never shined so brightly.”

A scene in "La La Land" where Sebastian (Gosling) and Mia (Stone) sing "City of Stars" | source: Summit Entertainment

I’ve been wondering whether it is love that I have been searching for in this life. What kind of love? It is a platonic one and also a passionate one. It is a supportive one and also a professional one. It is an admiration and also a devoted one. It is a warm kind and also a utopian one. It is all forms of love becoming one. I found it in the eyes of a man stared at me from the upstairs six years ago; a stare that has not changed until now. I found it in the touch of a hand from a man held mine once upon a night six years ago; a touch that has not changed until now. I found it in the deep voice of man; a voice that has not changed since six years ago. And since then, this city of stars has been shining brighter than ever. I found it in every single way possible from a man; my significant other. I find it in every single moment we spend together. I find it in every single conversation we have. I find it in every single time we share. I do not care whether I know where I will go from here, as long as I am with him, this feeling is alive and so am I. And that is all I need. And that is what I want to stay for.

“It’s love, yes, all we’re looking for is love from someone else; a rush, a glance, a touch, a dance. A look in somebody’s eyes to light up the skies, to open the world and send it reeling. A voice that says, I’ll be here, and you’ll be alright.” –Ryan Gosling & Emma Stone, City of Stars