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pieces of me




Hari itu tanggal 31 Desember, sore hari. Athena sedang bersiap-siap menutup toko kelontong ibunya ketika sepupunya, Aphrodite, mendatanginya dengan ceria.
“Na, malam ini kamu ke mana?”
“Di rumah saja. Aku sudah menyiapkan setumpuk film untuk ditonton.”
Aphrodite mengerucutkan mulutnya. “Huuu, dasar membosankan! Ini kan malam tahun baru, kamu harusnya ke luar dong, melihat kembang api!”
“Tapi pasti jalanan sangat macet. Kau tahu kan dua hal yang paling membuatku malas? Keramaian dan kemacetan. Dan keduanya ada di luar malam ini.”
“Lalu kamu mau di rumah saja melewatkan pergantian tahun?”
“Iya. Dulu-dulu juga selalu begitu.”
“Pantas kamu cupu, Na.” Ujar Aphrodite dengan ekspresi prihatin yang tulus.
Athena meringis. “Tapi aku nggak sendirian kok menonton filmnya.”
Aphrodite terkejut. “Kamu menonton bersama siapa?”
“Pacarku. Dia sama cupu-nya sepertiku. Dia juga alergi pada keramaian dan kemacetan. Dia juga menghabiskan malam tahun barunya yang dulu-dulu di dalam rumah, menonton film.” Athena tersenyum. “Kebahagiaan itu sederhana, Dit. Bagiku, sesederhana menghabiskan malam pergantian tahun bersama orang yang aku sayangi, tidak peduli di manapun tempatnya... dan sebenarnya, makin sepi makin oke!”
Wrote by Mashita Fandia


There are times when we feel that all hopes have gone. There are times when we feel that all dreams have scattered apart. There are times when we stoop so low. There are times when we feel that all passion has disappeared. There are times when we feel that all feelings have faded. There are times when we are breaking apart. For life isn’t always going exactly how we want it to be. For life doesn’t always lead us to where we need it to be. At some point in life, the universe seems so unfriendly and extremely harsh. And at times like that, when even people who are significant for us seem out to harm us, it’s hard to keep an open heart. At times like that, it’s hard to accept ourselves; and it’s even harder to believe that we deserve love, particularly from those who are significant for us. However, we cannot deny that we’re only human. And as a human, we still need love, particularly at times like that. Though we feel that we don’t deserve, we know we need love. Though we feel that we’re not worth it, we know we need love.

“Certainties disappear, what do we do for our dream to survive? How do we keep all our passions alive, as we used to do?” –Madonna, You Must Love Me

“You Must Love Me” is a song recorded by American singer-songwriter, Madonna. It was written by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice, for the 1996 film adaptation of the musical, “Evita”, based on the life of Argentinian leader, Eva Perón. The ballad track was released on October 27th 1996 as the lead single from the film’s soundtrack. It was later released as a part of Madonna’s third soundtrack album, “Evita”, on November 12th 1996, in order to promote the musical drama film. Webber and Rice wrote the song specifically as the only new track for the film (while other songs are covers from the musical stage play). It went on to win the Golden Globe and the Academy Award for Best Original Song in 1997. The purpose of the song was to showcase Perón’s emotional state at the time as well as her relationship with her husband Juan Perón, as she was dying of cancer.


"You Must Love Me" single cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

At times, life surprises us in a way that is least expected. At some point in life, we have to face an intersection where we have to make a choice regarding to where to go next. And even sometimes, we don’t even have any choice at all, because all that we have is a dead-end street. And we are surprised by the course that the universe has in store for us, because it wasn’t always what we planned before. And yes, life isn’t always going exactly like we planned. Sometimes, all that we have could be gone in seconds. All that we’ve planned could be crumbling down in a moment. And sometimes, it takes all of what we believed before. “Where do we go from here? This isn’t where we intended to be. We had it all; you believed in me, I believed in you.” We are hopeless and helpless, as we keep asking ourselves where to go from here. There is no more certainty. All of our dreams seem to be dying, as well as our passion. And we don’t know what to do about it. All spirits seem to be lost. We feel like we are at our lowest point in life so far.
“Certainties disappear, what do we do for our dream to survive? How do we keep all our passions alive, as we used to do?” At times, life surprises us in its most unexpected way. At some point in life, we feel like we are at our lowest point. We don’t have any strength left anymore just like before. We have lost all the faith and spirit unlike before. We feel like we’re not the same strong and powerful person as before. Hence we feel like we don’t deserve the same amount of love as we used to receive before. We feel like we’re not worth it to accept the same kind of love as we used to before. Hence we wonder why our significant other still stays by our side at time like this, because we feel like we become only a burden for them. We wonder why our significant other hasn’t left us yet, because we feel like we become only an obstacle for them; because we know we are at our weakest point in life so far, and we don’t want to be a burden. “Why are you at my side? How can I be any use to you now? Give me a chance and I’ll let you see how nothing has changed.”
It’s all because we know that our significant other loves us for we can stand tall and go forth with all of our passion and dreams. It’s all because we know that our significant other loves us for we are strong. And when it all has gone, when we are at our lowest and weakest, we are full of fears and anxiety. We conceal things that we’re longing to say deep within our heart, that deep inside, we’re still the same person as we used to be. We are afraid to confess our feeling for we’re terrified that we’ll lose our significant other too, that we still need love. “Deep in my heart, I’m concealing things that I’m longing to say. Scared to confess what I’m feeling, frightened you’ll slip away. You must love me.” Though things have changed around us and the situation has turned worse than before, we know that deep inside we’re still the same person with the same spirit, passion, and dreams. All we need is just a chance; and if only we had one. Hence we still need the love. And we can never thank our significant other enough for willing to give that.


Madonna in the music video of "You Must Love Me" | source: Youtube

For some people, it’s hard to keep an open heart when things are going bad. They find it hard to trust even the closest person to them. And they even find it hard to trust themselves. They become more timid by concealing things that they’re longing to say, for they’re afraid of becoming a burden for other people around them, particularly the most significant ones. They’re getting more scared to confess what they’re feeling, for they are frightened that they may disappoint other people around them, particularly the most significant ones. They’re afraid that if they showed their weakness, it might make their significant ones slip away from them. For people like that, all they need is love; the most sincere and genuine one. For people like that, all they need is to feel loved; from their most significant person. For people like that, who are haunted by self-rejection, all they need is to feel safe; that their most significant person will not leave them even when they know that they are at the lowest and weakest point of their life. All we need is love.

“Deep in my heart, I’m concealing things that I’m longing to say. Scared to confess what I’m feeling, frightened you’ll slip away. You must love me.” –Madonna, You Must Love Me




Where do we go from here? This isn’t where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me, I believed in you
Certainties disappear, what do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive, as we used to do?

Deep in my heart, I’m concealing things that I’m longing to say
Scared to confess what I’m feeling, frightened you’ll slip away
You must love me, you must love me

Why are you at my side? How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I’ll let you see how nothing has changed

Deep in my heart I’m concealing things that I’m longing to say
Scared to confess what I’m feeling, frightened you’ll slip away
You must love me, you must love me, you must love me
Wrote by Mashita Fandia


Hard times come and go, as well as good times. Happy days come and go, as well as sad days. And that is the essence of life. Things aren’t always good and aren’t always hard. Days aren’t always happy and aren’t always sad. And people are left in the middle; wondering when good time will come whenever they have a hard time and wondering when days will be sad again whenever they have a happy day. As other people come and go in our life, we are left to wonder when we have another goodbye again whenever we have a hello. And we wonder when we can have another hello again every time we say goodbye. Flowers are blooming at one time, and they will be withered at another time. Rain is falling so hard at one time, and it will stop raining at another time. Days turn to nights, and nights turn to dawn. Hours turn to days, and days turn to years. Just like that, we live our life while playing our own role in this universe. And at some point in life, there is time when we are caught by the heartbreaking separation, leaving us to wonder whether the happy loving days will ever come again in our life.

“Flowers in the arms are already withered; the white doves are marching home, flying, braving the storm, high up among the clouds, and disappearing in the dark sky.” –Chrisye, White Dove (Merpati Putih)

This song is titled “White Dove (Merpati Putih)”, performed by the Indonesian legendary singer, the late Chrisye. It was released in 1977 for the original soundtrack album of the Indonesian box office movie, “Badai Pasti Berlalu”. In December 2007, the album was chosen as the number one best album of 150 Best Indonesian Albums listed by Rolling Stone Indonesia magazine. And this ballad track is my favorite in the album especially for its amazing piano intro and the beautifully sad lyrics. Written by the legendary songwriter, Eros Djarot, with Yockie Soerjoprajogo, the song’s lyrics express the deep sadness and sorrowful desperation of saying goodbye to the loved ones. The heartbreaking separation leaves a lingering wonders about when love and happy days will come again. Just like a white dove that flies to the sky and disappears through the clouds, love has just gone like that, and never knows when it will come back. On January 2017, I chose this song to become a part of my list of 7 Ultimate Sad Songs: Indonesian Male Vocalist Edition.


"Badai Pasti Berlalu" 1977 OST album | source: en.wikipedia.org

Love is like a white dove. It was born to be free, but we are eager to put it in a cage for it’s so beautiful that we want to own it for ourselves. However, something that is meant to be free is losing its beauty when we capture it and tend to keep it in a cage. That is just the way love is. When we love someone, we got to set them free. For love will always find its way. It won’t go anywhere though we set it free. And that’s when we know we are loved. However, in this life, seasons come and go. And so does love. At some point in life, we let it go; and never know when it will come back. “Flowers in the arms are already withered; the white doves are marching home, flying, braving the storm, high up among the clouds, and disappearing in the dark sky.” As much as we love, we have to set it free. As deep as we love, we have to let it go. When the flowers we keep in our arms are withering, that is when we know that it is time. When we realize that it is time, that is when our sky turns to grey, as we see it swallowing the white dove away, far from our sight.
At some point in life, there comes a farewell that will break our heart apart. Though we understand that there is nothing we can do about it, that it is the only thing we can do, we cannot help but being caught in pain and sorrow. Indeed, there is no such thing as a beautiful goodbye. Goodbye is always painful, no matter how good it may seem. Separation is always heartbreaking, no matter what good purpose it may have. “Goodbye to the memory of making love, until when do I have to wait for the happy days like the old ones? Being intimate again with my love, making out again, uniting one promise of a million stars in the arms, as warm as the bright morning.” And just like the awkward silence after the storm has passed, we are left to wonder whether there will come a beautiful days full of love again; for the hollow doesn’t seem to last. We are left to wonder whether the time full of happiness will ever come again, for the pain doesn’t seem to heal. We are left to wonder whether we can love again, for the emptiness, loneliness, and sadness doesn’t seem to fade.
There is too much to this farewell that time cannot seem to erase. And the pain of the separation is just too real. And the wounds from the goodbye won’t seem to heal. However, no matter how hard we try to escape from the harsh reality, we cannot help but being awake from the dream and facing it eventually. No matter how many times we try to tell ourselves that it wasn’t real, we are being hit by the reality that tells us to get ourselves together. Feelings are fading, and so is love. Flowers are withered. Promises are broken. Hearts are hurt and in pain. Intimacy is getting cold and distant. Lovers are eventually going their separate ways, therefore we have to say goodbye. “Goodbye, the memory of love, the memory of making love.” And there we are left in the cold, lying on the floor, longing for the warmth of love’s embrace. And there we are left in the dark, dreaming for the better days to come, saying goodbye to the broken promises. And there we are left alone, under the blinking stars, wondering whether the bright morning will ever come again in our life.


The late Chrisye | source: Youtube

For these 27 years of my life, I can say that life is indeed a mystery. We can never know what the universe got in store for us. We can feel so happy at one time, yet at another time, we can feel extremely sad. Moreover, the cause of those feelings can come from the same one person. We never know. And I guess, that is indeed the purpose. We need to feel them all; not only the happiness but also the sadness. Hence, we can learn. Hence, we are able to understand. Hence, we are being human. One of the things that I’ve learned during these 27 years of my life is that nothing lasts forever. Things come and go; everything. And the process of our learning lies in between those things that come and go in our life. They give us lessons to learn. They give us matters to understand. They give us chance to be a human. And the choice is in our hands; whether we neglect them or take them. Life is a series of trials and errors. And with all the changing seasons in our life, perhaps we could get it right next time; for there is always be next time.

“Goodbye to the memory of making love, until when do I have to wait for the happy days like the old ones? Being intimate again with my love, making out again, uniting one promise of a million stars in the arms, as warm as the bright morning.” –Chrisye, White Dove (Merpati Putih)



Mengering sudah bunga di pelukan, merpati putih berarak pulang
((Flowers in the arms are already withered, the white doves are marching home))
Terbang menerjang badai, tinggi di awan, menghilang di langit yang hitam
((Flying, braving the storm, high up among the clouds, and disappearing in the dark sky))
S’lamat berpisah kenangan bercinta, sampai kapankah jadinya
((Goodbye to the memory of making love, until when))
Aku harus menunggu hari bahagia seperti dulu?
((Do I have to wait for the happy days like the old ones?))

Bersama kasih kembali mesra, bercumbu lagi memadu satu janji berjuta bintang
((Being intimate again with my love, making out again, uniting one promise of a million stars))
Dalam pelukan, sehangat pagi yang terang
((In the arms, as warm as the bright morning))

S’lamat berpisah, kenangan cinta, kenangan bercinta
((Goodbye, the memory of love, the memory of making love))
Wrote by Mashita Fandia


Dan sunyi,
Seperti dua cangkir kopi yang mereka nikmati malam ini,
Seperti waktu-waktu yang mereka habiskan dalam penantian,
Seperti tanah yang kebasahan setelah tersapu hujan.

Manusia tak hentinya bertanya tentang kehidupan,
Namun hanya sebagian,
Sementara yang lain memikirkan jabatan,
Memikirkan harta,
Memikirkan apa yang tampak di depan mata.

Serba benar dan serba salah.
Serba salah sekaligus serba benar.
Dalam kesunyian,
Mereka berpikir tentang kemanusiaan.


M.F
Wrote by Mashita Fandia


Ada yang salah dengan langit malam ini,
Tapi apa?
Apa yang salah?

Jawabannya,
Tak ada.
Tak ada yang salah.

Hanya hati yang terpagut sepi.
Hanya mimpi yang terjerat perih.
Hanya ilusi yang merajai diri.

Hingga semua sedih dibawanya pergi,
Jauh, jauh, jauh tak kembali.
Sampai saatnya ‘kan datang lagi,
Ketika senyum menguntai janji.


M.F
Wrote by Mashita Fandia


On Monday, December 18th 2017, the world has lost one of its wonderful talents. The lead vocalist of Korean idol group SHINee, Kim Jonghyun, passed away in the age of 27. During his career in the entertainment industry for the last ten years of his life, he made the world brighter for them who cherish his music and songs. Through his piercing voice, he accompanied so many people around the world during their darkest time. He brought hopes and dreams towards them in their most difficult time in life. His music and songs have soothed so many broken hearts and lonely souls. One more beautiful soul has left us. And may he rest in peace. Life, indeed, is harsh and hard. And nothing fucks us harder than the life itself. However, some of us are blessed for having the ability to make life seems easier for other people. And Kim Jonghyun was the one of them. He had successfully pacified and put some anxious and weary mind at ease through his voice, music, and songs. He left us with so much love. Hence we must send him with lots of love too.

“Love, smile, hurt, cry, life, the hidden reason. Love, smile, hurt, cry, life, the reason I lived.” –Jonghyun & Jung Joon Young, Love Month (애월 (愛月))

One of the beautiful songs that Jonghyun left us with is the song titled “Love Month (애월 (愛月))”. He performed and wrote the song in collaboration with rocker Jung Joon Young for Mnet’s music program, Monthly Live Connection. The rock ballad track was released on October 29th 2015 as the third as well as the final track for Jonghyun’s stint on the television program. Jonghyun and Jung went on a getaway trip to Jeju Island for writing and composing the song together. It seems like they found a special bond through the solitude they feel in life. They both feel different from other people around them. They both often think deeply about life they live. Hence they both found similarities in their differences regarding to their views toward life. And they both agree: that no matter how hard it feels, it all comes down to one thing that could keep them feel alive, and the answer is love. And my heart is breaking apart listening to this song right after the news of Jonghyun’s death. And then it’s breaking again when I see the video of Jung visiting Jonghyun’s funeral with swollen eyes. Just like his beautiful piercing voice through our heart, the late Jonghyun will be remembered. And he will definitely be missed.


"Love Month" single cover | source: www.k2nblog.com

For those who think, people are living this life with these questions lingering in their mind: where did we come from? Who are we? Where will we go? Well, those three questions are philosophical as well as spiritual. Some philosophers, scientists, and even religious leaders have tried to answer these questions based on what they know best. However, human is a free creature. We are free to think for ourselves. Hence we are free to make answers for those three questions for ourselves. And we are also free to not give any answers at all and choose to hang those questions up in the air. “The spinning windmill, the leaves that scatter at the end of autumn, they mean nothing to me; even the wind that doesn’t look beautiful. Why am I like this?” At times, some people like to be in solitude while surrounded by nature, just to have some moment to think deeply. Why are we so different from other people? Why are we different? While other people seem able to enjoy their life, why can’t we be just like those other people?
At some point, we even despise ourselves for asking too many questions. And we even despise ourselves for thinking too much. Moreover, we despise ourselves because we keep doing it though we already know that there is no one else who cares about things that we are thinking about. Why aren’t we thinking like those other people? Why are we the only one who is thinking like this? What are those other people thinking about? And yes, life is hard most of the time. And for those who think, the hard time in life is the greatest trigger for some thoughts and contemplation. “This world that silently turns its back, this crying heart of mine; even if I’m walking with my head facing the ground, you just walk by as if you don’t care. Again today.” Hard times makes us feel alone and perhaps lonely. However, in the loneliness itself we are able to have private moment with ourselves to think deeply about things. And one thing for sure is that we must know that there is nothing wrong with it. We must not despise ourselves for doing so.
Eventually, we are not alone. We are not the only who thinks this way. We are not the only person in this life who thinks deeply about things. There are people who do it too. Perhaps we just don’t know them, yet, or perhaps we just don’t meet them, yet. “Actually you’re the same. You feel the same way as I do. We’re not so different.” There are people who think about life; where we came from, who we are, where we will go. There are people who question about life; where did we come from? Who are we? Where will we go? There are people who live this life in search for the reason of their existence. There are people who live this life in search of the purpose of their existence. “Love, smile, hurt, cry, life, the hidden reason. Love, smile, hurt, cry, life, the reason I lived.” There are people who try to find the answer to those three questions. For everybody has their own hard time. And who knows which one of those hard times that will trigger them to think deeper about their life. It’s not the first hard time, and it won’t be the last. So it’s alright to keep thinking.


Jonghyun and JJY performed "Love Month" on Mnet Monthly Live Connection | source: Mnet

It’s alright to keep questioning. It’s alright to never stop thinking. We are human and we are born with the capability to do that. Thinking and questioning, after all, are the things that define our humanity. We stop being human when we stop thinking and questioning. Questioning so many things and thinking too much don’t make us different. And even though we feel that we are different, we must know that being different isn’t a bad thing. The society may seem so resistant toward differences, but we are not alone. Don’t lose ourselves by trying too hard to fit in the society which we don’t feel comfortable within. It’s better to be ourselves even though it seems different. Everybody has their own role in this life. And I always believe that everybody has their own place. If you feel like you haven’t found your place yet, never give up to keep searching, or perhaps, you can make your own place. We’re not living this life to please everyone. And everybody will have their own time of their life. We all will do.

“Actually you’re the same. You feel the same way as I do. We’re not so different.” –Jonghyun & Jung Joon Young, Love Month (애월 (愛月))




돌아가는 저 풍차도 흩날리는 가을 끝자락 낙엽도
(Doraganeun jeo pungchado heutnallineun gaeul kkeutjarak nagyeopdo)
((The spinning windmill, the leaves that scatter at the end of autumn))
내겐 아무 의미 없어도 아름다워 보이지 않는 바람도
(Naegen amu uimi eopseodo areumdawo boiji anhneun baramdo)
((They mean nothing to me, even the wind that doesn’t look beautiful))
왜 이럴까 왜 이럴까 왜 이럴까 왜 이럴까 왜 이럴까 왜 이럴까
(Wae ireolkka wae ireolkka wae ireolkka wae ireolkka wae ireolkka wae ireolkka)
((Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this?))
Love smile hurt cry life 숨겨둔 이유 love smile hurt cry life 살아온 이유
(Love smile hurt cry life sumgyeodun iyu love smile hurt cry life saraon iyu)
((Love, smile, hurt, cry, life, the hidden reason, love, smile, hurt, cry, life, the reason I lived))

돌아가는 이 세상도 소리 없이 흐느끼는 내 마음도
(Doraganeun i sesangdo sori eopsi heuneukkineun nae maeumdo)
((This world that silently turns its back, this crying heart of mine))
땅만 보며 걸어가도 그래도 넌 무심한 듯 지나가잖아
(Ttangman bomyeo georeogado geuraedo neon musimhan deut jinagajanha)
((Even if I’m walking with my head facing the ground, you just walk by as if you don’t care))
오늘도 난 오늘도 난 오늘도 난 오늘도 난 오늘도 난 오늘도 난
(Oneuldo nan oneuldo nan oneuldo nan oneuldo nan oneuldo nan oneuldo nan)
((Again today, again today, again today, again today, again today, again today))
Love smile hurt cry life 숨겨둔 이유 love smile hurt cry life 살아온 이유
(Love smile hurt cry life sumgyeodun iyu love smile hurt cry life saraon iyu)
((Love, smile, hurt, cry, life, the hidden reason, love, smile, hurt, cry, life, the reason I lived))

Woo woo 사실은 너도 같잖아 woo woo 네 맘도 나와 같잖아
(Woo woo sasireun neodo gatjanha woo woo ne mamdo nawa gatjanha)
((Woo woo, actually you’re the same, woo woo, you feel the same way as I do))
Woo woo 우린 다를 것 없잖아 woo woo woo
(Woo woo urin dareul geot eopsjanha woo woo woo)
((Woo woo, we’re not so different, woo woo woo))
Love smile hurt cry life 숨겨둔 이유 love smile hurt cry life 살아온 이유
(Love smile hurt cry life sumgyeodun iyu love smile hurt cry life saraon iyu)
((Love, smile, hurt, cry, life, the hidden reason, love, smile, hurt, cry, life, the reason I lived))
Wrote by Mashita Fandia


In life, things can get better and things can get worse, but things are not always good or always bad. Everything will eventually come to the middle point where it started before; the regression to the mean. At some point in life, some people take a look back on their life so far, reflecting how their life has changed, maybe for better or perhaps for worse, but one thing for sure is that they realize something: they are longing for how things used to be. However, they also understand that even though life is hard in the moment, even though they are struggling so much currently, it all will lead them toward brighter days to come. There will come a day when two separated lovers meet again. There will come a day when the cruel distance won’t matter at all. There will come a day when they can hold hands again and lean their head on each other’s shoulders. There will come a day when tears turn into warm smile. There will come a day when pain turns into laughter of joy. There will come a day when the longing feeling is being fulfilled.

“You said you had to leave, you said you had no choice, while holding your hand, I was only crying. You said someday you would surely come back to me, then you said, when that time comes, we will be able to laugh together again.” –Park Yong Ha, Like the First Day (처음 그 날 처럼)

“Like the First Day (처음 그 날 처럼)” is a Korean song performed by the late actor and singer, Park Yong Ha. It was released as the original soundtrack for the 2003 Korean hit drama series aired by SBS television station, “All In”, starring Lee Byung Hun and Song Hye Kyo. At that time, he sang the song under the pseudonym ‘Who’, but it was later revealed that it was actually Park who was behind the mysterious voice who sang the song. The drama series “All In” was a big success, making the song very popular too. Kim Dongjun, the main vocalist of idol group, ZE:A, performed “Like the First Day (처음 그 날 처럼)” on the “Drama Soundtrack Special” episode of music television program Immortal Songs 2: Singing the Legend. The episode was broadcasted by KBS television station on September 3rd 2016 and by KBS World channel on September 17th 2016. His theatrical performance and the dramatic rendition of the song have Kim the highest point on that episode, making him the final winner of the “Drama Soundtrack Special” episode. “Like the First Day (처음 그 날 처럼)” conveys the warm sentiment of someone who has to be separated from their loved ones during a hard time of their life, but making a promise to come back, as they leave at the moment for the sake of better days to come in the future.


"All In SBS Drama Original Soundtrack" album cover | source: www.maniadb.com

At some point in life, some people have to face a separation with their loved ones. And at that moment, it seems like there is no other thing they can do about it; that this is what the destiny has on their plate right now, that this is the only way they must take, that this is the only decision they can make. In front of a separation like that, they can only cry while holding onto the last time they might have with each other. “You said you had to leave, you said you had no choice, while holding your hand, I was only crying. You said someday you would surely come back to me, then you said, when that time comes, we will be able to laugh together again.” And the aftermath of the separation is always the hardest part. Apparently tears keep falling down. And it gets worse on the hollow nights. And our fears get bigger and deeper. “If I close my eyes, I thought I would lose you, so I couldn’t fall asleep during the sorrowful nights. Because even if I could see you in my dream, tears would fall and I’m afraid, so I couldn’t open my eyes.”
At some point in life, some people have to wait. And it kills them. It’s tearing them apart. It’s so painful that it’s hard for them to breathe. However, the pain and sorrow brought by the long waiting only makes them realize that the love is there. It only makes them understand that the love they feel is getting bigger and deeper as the time goes by in the long waiting. It makes them believe that the long waiting is indeed worth it, because they know that it is love which gives them the strength to wait. “Although the long waiting gave me love, for you, it seems that it only gave you pain, please forgive me for being like this, this foolish person like me.” And the love is sincere and genuine. Therefore they are able to wait and give more love at the same time. Though they feel like a fool for being like that, for being too in love like that, for waiting in such patience and perseverance like that, they never mind. And they cannot say anything but apologize toward their loved ones, for they know the long waiting brings pain too toward that person, just the same.
And the reason why they have faith to keep waiting in the separation is because they know that someday there will come a day when the waiting and the separation is over. It’s a promise that has been made and they will surely keep the promise alive. It’s a purpose that has been made and they will surely give their best effort to make it comes to life. It’s a destination that has been set and they will surely try everything to make it comes to fruitition. “Someday, when comes the day when I meet you again, I will hold you in my arms and tell you. You were the only reason I continue to live, that without you, I won’t exist. Someday, when comes the day when this difficult road comes to an end, the day when I can close my eyes next to you. Please remember that you were my last love, just like the first day.” For they know that the person is the reason for their existence. For they know that the person is the love of their life. For they know that the hard times will pass. For they know that the good times will come. For they know that they will eventually be together.


The late Park Yong Ha | source: m.mk.co.kr


Dongjun performed "Like the First Day" on IS2 | source: KBS

Things will be alright. And some people recite that sentence over and over again like a mantra in order to make them feel better, because at some point in life, things get so hard to bear. These too shall pass. And some people whisper that sentence all over again like a spell in order to relieve their sadness, because at some point in life, things are so painful to take. There are times when the longing feeling is killing them inside. There are times when the nights are sorrowful. There are times when the days are devastating. There are times when they feel helpless. And even during those times, from deep inside their heart they know that better days will come; that nothing lasts forever, and so their hard times. There will come a day when they can hold their loved ones in their arms and tell that person that they love with all their heart. There will come a day when they can rest their head on their loved one’s arms and close their eyes in peace. There will come a day that is just like the first day; a day when they can love together and nothing comes in between.

“Someday, when comes the day when I meet you again, I will hold you in my arms and tell you. You were the only reason I continue to live, that without you, I won’t exist. Someday, when comes the day when this difficult road comes to an end, the day when I can close my eyes next to you. Please remember that you were my last love, just like the first day.” –Park Yong Ha, Like the First Day (처음 그 날 처럼)




가야한다고 어쩔 수 없다고 너의 손 잡은채 나는 울고만 있었지
(Gayahandago eojeol su eobtago neoeui son jabeunchae naneun ulgoman isseotji)
((You said you had to leave, you said you had no choice, while holding your hand, I was only crying))
언젠가는 꼭 돌아올거라고 그땐 우린 서로 웃을 수 있을거라고
(Eonjenganeun ggok doraolgeorago keuddaen urin seoro useul su isseulgeorago)
((You said someday you would surely come back to me, then you said, when that time comes, we will be able to laugh together again))

긴 기다림은 내겐 사랑을 주지만 너에겐 아픔만 남긴 것 같아 이런 날 용서해 바보같은 날
(Gin gidarimeun naegen sarangeul jujiman neoegen apeuman namgin geot gatta ireon nal yongseohae babogatteun nal)
((Although the long waiting gave me love, for you, it seems that it only gave you pain, please forgive me for being like this, this foolish person like me))

언젠가 널 다시 만날 그 날이 오면 너를 내품에 안고 말할꺼야
(Eonjenga neol dasi mannal geu nari omyeon neoreul nae pume ango marhalggeoya)
((Someday, when comes the day when I meet you again, I will hold you in my arms and tell you))
너만이 내가 살아온 이유였다고 너없인 나도 없다고
(Neomani naega saraon iyuyeotago neo eobsin nado eobtago)
((You were the only reason I continue to live, that without you, I won’t exist))
언젠가 힘든 이 길이 끝이 나는 날 그대 곁에서 내가 눈 감는 날
(Eonjenga himdeuni giri ggeutti naneun nal geudae gyeotteseo naega nun gamneun nal)
((Someday, when comes the day when this difficult road comes to an end, the day when I can close my eyes next to you))
기억해 나의 사랑은 니가 마지막이였단걸 처음 그 날 처럼
(Gieokhae naeui sarangeun niga majimakiyeotangeol cheoeum geu nal cheoreom)
((Please remember that you were my last love, just like the first day))

눈을 감으면 잊어져 버릴까 슬픈 밤에도 쉽게 잠들 수 없었지
(Nuneul gameumyeon ijeojyeo beorilgga seulpeun bamedo suibge jamdeun su eobseotji)
((If I close my eyes, I thought I would lose you, so I couldn’t fall asleep during the sorrowful nights))
꿈에서라도 널 보게 된다면 눈물 흐를까봐 눈을 뜰 수가 없었어
(Ggumeseorado neol boge doindamyeon nunmul heureulggabwa nuneul ddeul suga eobseosseo)
((Because even if I could see you in my dream, tears would fall and I’m afraid, so I couldn’t open my eyes))

긴 기다림은 내겐 사랑을 주지만 너에겐 아픔만 남긴 것 같아 이런 날 용서해 바보같은 날
(Gin gidarimeun naegen sarangeul jujiman neoegen apeuman namgin geot gatta ireon nal yongseohae babogatteun nal)
((Although the long waiting gave me love, for you, it seems that it only gave you pain, please forgive me for being like this, this foolish person like me))

언젠가 널 다시 만날 그 날이 오면 너를 내 품에 안고 말할꺼야
(Eonjenga neol dasi mannal geu nari omyeon neoreul nae pume ango marhalggeoya)
((Someday, when comes the day when I meet you again, I will hold you in my arms and tell you))
너만이 내가 살아온 이유였다고 너없인 나도 없다고
(Neomani naega saraon iyuyeotago neo eobsin nado eobtago)
((You were the only reason I continue to live, that without you, I won’t exist))
언젠가 힘든 이 길이 끝이 나는 날 그대 곁에서 내가 눈 감는 날
(Eonjenga himdeuni giri ggeutti naneun nal geudae gyeotteseo naeganun gamneun nal
((Someday, when comes the day when this difficult road comes to an end, the day when I can close my eyes next to you))
기억해 나의 사랑은 니가 마지막이였단걸 처음 그 날 처럼
(Gieokhae naeui sarangeun niga majimakiyeotangeol cheoeum geu nal cheoreom)
((Please remember that you were my last love, just like the first day))
Wrote by Mashita Fandia
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