A Letter of Apology
Sunday, December 18, 2016
dear my dear,
i know i’m such
a difficult person to handle,
i often say
words that i actually don’t want to say, harshly
i even
ignore you and treat you with my silence, badly
don’t mean
to make an excuse, but i’m only human and mistakes are things that define my
humanity
never meant
to do you wrong or hurt your feeling, but there are times when i do that
unknowingly
i’m aware
that i’m a person with many lacks in both physical looks and personality,
i often
make you sick of me for i am short-tempered and annoying and hell-like moody,
i don’t
even have pretty face and curvy sexy body that can drive a man crazy,
maybe i can
never be enough for you, and my existence is making you bored heavily,
perhaps i’m just a nuisance for you, and my appearance will
piss you off easily
i
understand that i look somewhat pathetic for you right now,
but when you love someone,
if you think it is the right thing to do then you would do
it anyway no matter what, right?
even if that thing is making you selfless, you would do it
anyway,
for i always being taught that loving someone means placing
that person above our own selfishness,
without losing ourselves in the process,
i’m just being me, and i’m sorry if that hurts you in a way,
i’m sorry if i still can’t understand you enough too, i know
you’re just being you,
this is the way i love you, by learning to understand every
bit of you, by giving it all,
don’t be afraid to take them all, because for me, you are
the one who deserves to receive it
if my existence cannot bring a peace of mind for you, then
push me away as you wish
if my appearance keeps being a nuisance for you, then
neglect me all the way you want
if i cannot fulfill your needs and desire, then leave me for
wandering out there as you please
if i do not have the ability to give a helping hand, then
seek for everything that you need
however dear,
what can i do when i want to be better, but i cannot have
the chance to prove to you?
all that i can do is just praying that time will show you my
effort to be deserved to deserve you;
and what can i do when your pride is built the wall so
strong that i can’t get through?
all that i can do is just wishing you for the best of what
you do and try to pursue;
most of all, dear,
what can i
do when i miss you so, but you don’t want to see me?
all that i
can do is just missing you and keep missing you, desperately
i’m sorry for being so ruthless and ignorant; so despicable
that i don’t deserve your understanding,
i’m sorry for being so impatient and violent; so stubborn
that i don’t deserve your patience,
i’m sorry for being born as a useless and troublesome human
being,
i’m sorry for being born as a thoughtless and emotional
person,
i do deserve to be ignored for days, i do deserve to be
neglected all the ways
but i need you to remember,
i never meant to do you harm, and i always wait for you,
no matter how long you are going to take the time
i’m sorry for not having adorable appearance that makes you
proud when people see you with me,
i’m sorry for not having money or driving a car, all that i
can give to you is my time and company,
if i’m not that useless, you won’t feel so used, and for
that, i apologize,
deeply sorry for making you feel like i’m taking advantages,
i know that
saying sorry is not enough, it’s never will be
and i can
never thank you enough for being my motivation to be a better me
all you
should know is that you are the only person i always look for in the end of the
day
and it’s
not that i need you therefore i love you; it’s i need you because i love you, all the way
with love,
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