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pieces of me




Today marks the 26th year I’ve been living my life as a human being named Mashita Fandia. I remember last year I wrote about how amazing the life I’ve had for a quarter of century; how amazing the moment when you realize that even the smallest thing you say or do is meant a lot for someone else; the process of sharing meanings in life. One year later after that post now, I’m taking a moment for reminiscing this past year. Many things have happened within this past twelve months. There are bad and good things, sad and happy things, but if I could sum it up, my 25 was amazing. God and universe answered some of my prayers. I got enrolled in a notable graduate school and given chance to study one of my most wanted: cultural studies. I got to meet new friends and given chance to share deeper bonds with some of them. Last but not least, I got myself a soulmate. Within this post that marks my 26th birthday, prayers are uttered that these bonds I have with my significant other, my greatest friends, my beloved family, all will be strengthen in the future, in hopes that we all will never stop sharing meanings in this life. Cheers~

“My heart draws out those forgotten dreams again. I gather all those difficult times and swallow them. Small memories wake me up one by one. I’ll spread myself wide enough to fill the world.” –Taeyeon feat. Verbal Jint, I (아이)

In this special occasion, I’m going to review a Korean song titled “I (아이)”. This was a solo debut song from the leader and lead vocalist of the foremost South Korea’s girl group, Girls’ Generation, Kim Taeyeon. It was served as the title track of Taeyeon’s debut extended play of the same name which was released on October 7th 2015. The pop rock track’s music was composed and arranged by a group of composer consist of Myah Marie Langston, Bennett Armstrong, Justin T. Armstrong, Cosmopolitan Douglas, David Quinones, Jon Asher, and Ryan S. Jhun. The song’s lyrics were written by Taeyeon herself along with her featured partner, rapper Verbal Jint, and also Mafly. The music video for “I (아이)” was premiered on Mnet on October 6th 2015. It was filmed in Auckland, New Zealand and told the story of a young woman in search of her true identity and self-actualization.


"I" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

“I (아이)” has the power to remind me how great and beautiful life is whenever I listen to it. Even in the middle of a harsh time when reality hits me hard, despite all those tiresome struggles and debacles in life, listening to “I (아이)” could make me feel grateful. Therefore I pick this song in this special occasion. Its narrative lyrics tell a story of a little girl who grows mature along her journey into a young woman, as she tries to draw a silver lining amidst the dark clouds in life. Taeyeon herself said that it’s about being yourself in a freer way, while moving on from hard and frustrating times. “It’s a story that sounds familiar, like the ugly duckling and the swan, or a butterfly before it can fly. People don’t know, for they can’t see your wings, and the world that you’ve met might be cruel. But strong girl, you know you were born to fly. Tears that you shed, pain that you felt, they were all to prepare for the day when you fly higher, butterfly. Everybody’s gonna see it soon.”
The song’s lyrics are intertwined with this special occasion. As I grow older, I learn that maturity has nothing to do with age. Apparently, being old doesn’t always mean that you are mature. Even until now, I’m still learning how to be an adult; what it takes and what the deal about it is. However, these years have taught me that this life is too short to waste it in a daydream. Dreams are important, but what more significant is the efforts to pursue them. “My heart draws out those forgotten dreams again. I gather all those difficult times and swallow them. Small memories wake me up one by one. I’ll spread myself wide enough to fill the world. Through the long night, I want to leave on a trip again, ‘Why not?’ In this world, those are the words that have awakened my heart.” And of course, life is too short to waste it in an endless broken heart. Memories, whether they’re painful or delightful, those are grateful moments we have to embrace for the sake of brighter future. “The lonely yesterday with countless eyes on me, I endure the day again with falling tears. The breathtaking yesterday with those spilling words, I embrace my trembling self.”
Once we’re able to embrace our past, we could begin the self-acceptance. Once we’re able to accept our selves, we could begin to rise again. For me, that’s what it takes for being an adult. It’s more than just a growing body. It’s more than just blowing candles on a piece of cake. It’s more than just starting to wear heels instead of sneakers. It’s more than just knowing how to put a make-up on the face. It’s more than just how you represent yourself in social media. It’s beyond all of those artificial and superficial things, because without you have to tell the world about it, the universe can see for itself when you are sincere. “Those flower petals withered as I was having a hard time, but I followed the small light. I send those faraway days in memories, then I fly away, splendidly.” Being an adult is an endless process of learning, as what life is. It’s about acceptance; a sincere one that comes from the deep of your heart; to let go what has to go and to prepare what is yet to come. “The sky is pouring light, underneath is a kid standing, I, fly as if I’m dreaming. My life is a beauty.”
“The sky is pouring light, it’s a brand new eyes, it’s a brand new eyes. I fly far away, fly high, fly high, I am my own beauty. The moment I close my eyes, time stops, and I rise up again.” I could say all of this since I’ve been through all of those broken hearts, dispirited feelings, lonely nights, struggling days, and those times when life seems so unfriendly. I know it all too well how hard it feels to console yourself, as you are alone during hard times. I know it all too well how difficult it is to wipe your own tears, as you are alone during heartbreaks. I know it all too well how lonely it feels when you have no one to share your pain and sadness. I know it all too well how exhausting it is when you have no shoulders to lean on. Those were in the past now, and though they may come again in the future, at least I’ve learned how to deal with them. I’ve used them all to begin again and stand on my own two feet. Indeed, there is no better teacher than experience. Lastly, happy birthday to me. Let’s embrace the past, seize the present, and enlighten the future.

“Those flower petals withered as I was having a hard time, but I followed the small light. I send those faraway days in memories, then I fly away, splendidly.” –Taeyeon feat. Verbal Jint, I (아이)







빛을 쏟는 sky 그 아래 선 아이 I 꿈꾸듯이 fly
(Bicceul ssotneun sky geu arae seon ai I kkumkkudeusi fly)
((The sky is pouring light, underneath is a kid standing, I, fly as if I’m dreaming))
My life is a beauty

어디서 많이 들어본 이야기 미운 오리와 백조 또 날기 전의 나비
(Eodiseo manhi deureobon iyagi miun oriwa baekjo tto nalgi jeonui nabi)
((It’s a story that sounds familiar, like the ugly duckling and the swan, or a butterfly before it can fly))
사람들은 몰라 너의 날개를 못 봐 네가 만난 세계라는 건 잔인할지도 몰라
(Saramdeureun molla neoui nalgaereul mot bwa nega mannan segyeraneun geon janinhaljido molla)
((People don’t know, for they can’t see your wings, and the world that you’ve met might be cruel))
But strong girl, you know you were born to fly
네가 흘린 눈물 네가 느낀 고통은 다 더 높이 날아오를 날을 위한 준비일 뿐 butterfly
(Nega heullin nunmul nega neukkin gotongeun da deo nopi naraoreul nareul wihan junbiil ppun butterfly)
((Tears that you shed, pain that you felt, they were all to prepare for the day when you fly higher, butterfly))
Everybody’s gonna see it soon

빛을 쏟는 sky 그 아래 선 아이 I 꿈꾸듯이 fly
(Bicceul ssotneun sky geu arae seon ai I kkumkkudeusi fly)
((The sky is pouring light, underneath is a kid standing, I, fly as if I’m dreaming))
My life is a beauty

잊었던 꿈 내 맘 또 그려내 움츠렸던 시간 모두 모아 다 삼켜내
(Ijeodeon kkum nae mam tto geuryeonae umcheuryeodeon sigan modu moa da samkyeonae)
((My heart draws out those forgotten dreams again, I gather all those difficult times and swallow them))
작은 기억 하나 둘씩 날 깨워가 세상 가득 채울 만큼 나를 펼쳐가
(Jageun gieok hana dulssik nal kkaewoga sesang gadeuk chaeul mankeum nareul pyeolchyeoga)
((Small memories wake me up one by one, I’ll spread myself wide enough to fill the world))
길고 긴 밤을 지나 다시 trip 길을 떠나볼래why not 이 세상에 내 맘을 깨워 주는 한마디
(Gilgo gin bameul jina dasi trip gireul tteonabollae why not i sesange nae mameul kkaewo juneun hanmadi)
((Through the long night, I want to leave on a trip again, ‘Why not?’ In this world, those are the words that have awakened my heart))
혼자였던 yesterday 셀 수 없는 시선에 떨어지는 눈물로 하루를 또 견디고
(Honjayeodeon yesterday sel su eopsneun siseone tteoreojineun nunmullo harureul tto gyeondigo)
((The lonely yesterday with countless eyes on me, I endure the day again with falling tears))
아슬했던 yesterday 쏟아지던 말들에 흔들리는 나를 또 감싸고
(Aseulhaedeon yesterday ssodajideon maldeure heundeullineun nareul tto gamssago)
((The breathtaking yesterday with those spilling words, I embrace my trembling self))

빛을 쏟는 sky 그 아래 선 아이 I 꿈꾸듯이 fly
(Bicceul ssotneun sky geu arae seon ai I kkumkkudeusi fly)
((The sky is pouring light, underneath is a kid standing, I, fly as if I’m dreaming))
My life is a beauty, my life is a beauty

꽃잎은 저물고 힘겨웠던 난 작은 빛을 따라서
(Kkoccipeun jeomulgo himgyeowodeon nan jageun bicceul ttaraseo)
((Those flower petals withered as I was having a hard time, but I followed the small light))
아득했던 날 저 멀리 보내고 찬란하게 날아가
(Adeukhaedeon nal jeo meolli bonaego chanranhage naraga)
((I send those faraway days in memories, then I fly away, splendidly))

빛을 쏟는 sky 새로워진 eyes 새로워진 eyes
(Bicceul ssotneun sky saerowojin eyes saerowojin eyes)
((The sky is pouring light, it’s a brand new eyes, it’s a brand new eyes))
저 멀리로 fly, fly high, fly high 난 나만의 beauty
(Jeo meolliro fly, fly high, fly high, nan namanui beauty)
((I fly far away, fly high, fly high, I am my own beauty))
눈 감은 순간 시간은 멈춰가 난 다시 떠올라
(Nun gameun sungan siganeun meomchwoga nan dasi tteoolla)
((The moment I close my eyes, time stops, and I rise up again))
Wrote by Mashita Fandia




At some point, love is fading away. Is it? There are people who just aren’t meant to be together, and so is love. There is love that just isn’t meant to be forever. And for those kinds of people, for that kind of love, a separation is the best way. People who have been in a long-term relationship will probably understand this kind of feeling so well; when love feels like fading away, somehow, some way, at some point, to some extent. Korean young rocker, Jung Joon Young, depicts this kind of feeling so well in his song’s lyrics, titled “Sympathy (공감)”. This song is featuring female singer Seo Young Eun, which complements the feeling of the song itself in depicting ‘the art of letting go in love’. The lyrics make me wonder; why should we hold on when the feeling is no longer the same? When you understand that all that is left between you and your lover is just a mere sympathy instead of love, why should you be persistent to keep the relationship?

“Maybe we should have loved without any conditions at all. Worrying about being the first to get hurt, and all things we’ve talked about, they all go away like this.” –Jung Joon Young feat. Seo Young Eun, Sympathy (공감)

Released on February 24th 2016, “Sympathy (공감)” served as the title song for Jung Joon Young’s third mini album of the same name. It’s an orchestral soft rock ballad song which was written and composed by Jung himself. “Sympathy (공감)” was recorded as a duet with Seo Young Eun. However, Jung sang it as a solo track during most of his live comeback stage performances on television music programs. The music video for “Sympathy (공감)” was shot in China, starring Kim Ji Hyang and Leah. It was premiered on ETN on February 18th 2016. Zanybros produced the video with Hong Won Ki as the director. The storyline of the music video depicts the lyrics so well, with Jung and his lover, portrayed by Kim, are being estranged toward each other, not only because Jung finds himself falling for another woman, but also because he realizes that the feeling he has for his lover has been fading.


"Sympathy" album cover | source: mwave.interest.me

Since the first time I listened to the song and watched the music video at the same time, I found myself being hooked into “Sympathy (공감)”. Well, very big thanks to 1theK who provided the English translation lyrics on the official music video. I feel related with this song, somehow. First of all, I’ve been in this kind of situation some years ago. Secondly, I find a similar situation nowadays, not happening right to me, but a very close to mine. So, first thing first, I would like to talk from the first perspective; at some point, love is fading away. “At some point, I stopped missing you. At some point, I didn’t even know if I still need you anymore. Therefore you left, and we went to our separate ways just like that.” A long-term relationship is wearing people out. I’ve been through that, and yes, it wasn’t easy at all. It makes it possible for two people in it to disclosure everything between them. And sadly, yes, not all is a good thing. As time goes by, whether consciously or not, we’re conforming and bending with one another. In this case, feeling can fade. And what can we do hereafter? Admit it. Just admit that yes, indeed, love is fading, somehow, to some extent. “I asked for things I can’t turn back. I’m the one who made everything so cruel. I admitted to the fact, the fact that nothing would change. We said it’s over, and so we really broke up.”
It takes a very brave heart to admit that the feeling of love has fading away. Even when there’s nothing left in the relationship than just sympathy toward one another, it’s indeed a very brave move to admit that. Henceforth I would like to discuss this matter from the second perspective; be brave to let go, for it’s a part of growing up. “Maybe we’ve got ready to say goodbye without any feelings left at all. We only thought about our own pain, but even those memories are disappearing now.” I’ve seen people breaking up from a long-term relationship, and yes, it was hard, but also yes, indeed, it makes them a better, more mature, wiser, grown-up person. Other people may say that it’s a shame to give up on such a long-term relationship, but, the thing is, there’s no such thing as that shame when it’s regarding to our feelings. “Maybe we should have loved without any conditions at all. Worrying about being the first to get hurt, and all things we’ve talked about, they all go away like this.” Other people may say that it’s a shame to choose to walk away rather than fight for the long-term relationship. However, it’s better to walk away now rather than waste your time to fight for the useless battle. Why do I say ‘useless battle’? When you stay in the relationship just because of guilt, a sense of obligation, fears, sympathy, then you’re going nowhere; you’re stuck. When you insist your lover to stay in the relationship while you understand that his/her feeling is no longer the same, then you’re also going nowhere; you’re stuck. When you insist to stay in the relationship while you know that your lover is cheating on you, then you’re stuck. And when you know you’re stuck, you got to let go. You got to set them free, both of yourself and your lover. “Maybe we had to leave each other without ever feeling sorry at all. Memories of times when we were in love, and even those good memories are passing by just like this.”
‘Useless battle’ is battle that you know you can never win. A battle which you understand, that within the fight, you hurt not only yourself but also your lover. When everything you do is never good enough, stop trying too hard. Maybe it’s time to let go. Letting go of something doesn’t make you a loser. Sometimes it makes you a better person. Letting go is never easy. It’s like pulling out a bandage; hurts like hell at first, but it gets better as time goes by. When you know you have to let go, even though it’s the hardest thing to do, you’d do it anyway, right? Knowing that this battle is not yours to win and back away. The art of letting go is never easy, but you got to do it. It’s easy to say yet really hard to do, indeed. However, I can say that, well, at least it was worth the trip. Don’t let yourself be a coward. Don’t let yourself be a suicidal. Let go. If you stay, are you sure you’re not hurting yourself? If you stay, are you sure you’re not hurting your lover? Let go. A true love will always find its way. But if we never let go, we will never know.

“Maybe we had to leave each other without ever feeling sorry at all. Memories of times when we were in love, and even those good memories are passing by just like this.” –Jung Joon Young feat. Seo Young Eun, Sympathy (공감)





언제부턴가 네가 보고 싶지 않았고
(Eonjebuteonga nega bogo sipji anhatgo)
((At some point, I stopped missing you))
그 어느 샌가 네가 더 이상 필요한지 몰랐어
(Geu eoneu saenga nega deo isang piryohanji mollasseo)
((At some point, I didn’t even know if I still need you anymore))
그래서 너는 떠났고 그렇게 갈라져버렸어
(Geuraeseo neoneun tteonatgo geureohge gallajyeobeoryeosseo)
((Therefore you left, and we went to our separate ways just like that))

어쩌면 우린 아무런 감정도 없이 이별을 준비해야 했나 봐
(Eojjeomyeon urin amureon gamjeongdo eopsi ibyeoreul junbihaeya haetna bwa)
((Maybe we’ve got ready to say goodbye without any feelings left at all))
서로 아플 것만 생각했지만 그랬던 기억마저도 이제는 사라지나 봐
(Seoro apeul geotman saenggakhaetjiman geuraetdeon gieokmajeodo ijeneun sarajina bwa)
((We only thought about our own pain, but even those memories are disappearing now))

돌이킬 수 없는 일을 내가 자초하고
(Dorikil su eopneun ireul naega jachohago)
((I asked for things I can’t turn back))
모든 상황을 잔인하게 만들었어
(Modeun sanghwangeul janinhage mandeureosseo)
((I’m the one who made everything so cruel))
똑같을 거란 그 말을 그 말을 인정해버렸어
(Ttokgateul georan geu mareul geu mareul injeonghaebeoryeosseo)
((I admitted to the fact, the fact that nothing would change))
끝났다는 그 말에 우리는 갈라져버렸어
(Kkeutnatdaneun geu mare urineun gallajyeobeoryeosseo)
((We said it’s over, and so we really broke up))

어쩌면 우린 아무런 감정도 없이 이별을 준비해야 했나 봐
(Eojjeomyeon urin amureon gamjeongdo eopsi ibyeoreul junbihaeya haetna bwa)
((Maybe we’ve got ready to say goodbye without any feelings left at all))
서로 아플 것만 생각했지만 그랬던 기억마저도 이제는 사라지나 봐
(Seoro apeul geotman saenggakhaetjiman geuraetdeon gieokmajeodo ijeneun sarajina bwa)
((We only thought about our own pain, but even those memories are disappearing now))
어쩌면 우린 아무런 조건도 없이 사랑만 했어야 했나 봐
(Eojjeomyeon urin amureon jogeondo eopsi sarangman haesseoya haetna bwa)
((Maybe we should have loved without any conditions at all))
먼저 아플걸 생각하는 것도 나눈 모든 얘기들도 그렇게 떠나가나 봐
(Meonjeo apeulgeol saenggakhaneun geotdo nanun modeun yaegideuldo geureohge tteonagana bwa)
((Worrying about being the first to get hurt, and all things we’ve talked about, they all go away like this))

어쩌면 우린 아무런 조건도 없이 사랑만 했어야 했나 봐
(Eojjeomyeon urin amureon jogeondo eopsi sarangman haesseoya haetna bwa)
((Maybe we should have loved without any conditions at all))
먼저 아플걸 생각하는 것도 나눈 모든 얘기들도 그렇게 떠나가나 봐
(Meonjeo apeulgeol saenggakhaneun geotdo nanun modeun yaegideuldo geureohge tteonagana bwa)
((Worrying about being the first to get hurt, and all things we’ve talked about, they all go away like this))
어쩌면 우린 미안한 감정도 없이 서로를 떠나야 했나 봐
(Eojjeomyeon urin mianhan gamjeongdo eopsi seororeul tteonaya haetna bwa)
((Maybe we had to leave each other without ever feeling sorry at all))
사랑했던 우리의 추억들도 좋았던 기억마저도 그렇게 지나가나 봐
(Saranghaetdeon uriui chueokdeuldo johatdeon gieokmajeodo geureohge jinagana bwa)
((Memories of times when we were in love, and even those good memories are passing by just like this))
Wrote by Mashita Fandia




Today is a special day. Twenty-something years ago this day, a baby boy was born, and who knows that the boy would grow up to be a significant man in my life. However, here he is now. He came into my life one day some years ago, and my life was never the same since. Though he’s not a festive person, as I’m one, therefore I would still celebrate this special day for him. And this writing is dedicated for him only. And this song is the one that coming up in my mind when I want to write for him in this special day. It’s called “When We Were Young”, sung by one of my favorite female singers, Adele; a beautiful song from the one and only Adele for this beautiful time of my one and only, my significant other. I hope it gets to you, my birthday boy. Just because we’re getting older, let’s not being sad or mad about it. Let’s cherish the moment, making great memories for the future, you and me, together.

“Everybody loves the things you do, from the way you talk to the way you move. Everybody here is watching you, ‘cause you feel like home, you’re like a dream come true. But if by chance you’re here alone, can I have a moment before I go? ‘Cause I’ve been by myself all night long, hoping you’re someone I used to know. You look like a movie, you sound like a song. My God, this reminds me of when we were young.” –Adele, When We Were Young

Taken from Adele’s third studio album, “25”, “When We Were Young” is a soul ballad track written by Adele Adkins herself along with Tobias Jesso Jr. It was released as the second single from the album on January 22nd 2016. She first performed the song live on Adele at the BBC, which was recorded at The London Studios on November 2nd 2015 and broadcast on BBC One on November 20th 2015. On November 17th 2015, she released a live version of this song, which was filmed at The Church Studios. The video was released online through her official Vevo channel. In an interview, she said that the inspiration for this song came from the feeling of ‘seeing everyone that you’ve ever fallen out with, everyone that you’ve ever loved, everyone that you’ve never loved, and stuff like that, where you can’t find the time to be in each other’s lives, while you’re getting older’.


"When We Were Young" single cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

This song really got me so since the first time I listened to it. And there’s no one else that crosses my mind whenever I hear this song but him; my significant person, the birthday boy. It reminds me of our first meeting some years ago. Have you ever met someone and suddenly, somehow, out of nowhere, you just got the feeling that the person would be a part of your life? That was what I felt back then when I first met him. Have you ever known someone for the first time, yet somehow you just got the feeling that you’ve already known that person for a lifetime? That was what I felt back then when I first knew him. “Everybody loves the things you do, from the way you talk to the way you move. Everybody here is watching you, ‘cause you feel like home, you’re like a dream come true. But if by chance you’re here alone, can I have a moment before I go? ‘Cause I’ve been by myself all night long, hoping you’re someone I used to know. You look like a movie, you sound like a song. My God, this reminds me of when we were young.” A sense of familiarity, a sense of home; he’s just like the male-version of me. And toward that kind of person, it’s so easy to fall back for him all over again no matter how long time has passed by.
Toward that kind of person, it’s so easy to start all over again with him no matter how far we’ve been separated before. “I was so scared to face my fears, nobody told me that you’d be here. And I swear you moved overseas, that’s what you said, when you left me. You still look like a movie, you still sound like a song. My God, this reminds me of when we were young.” Just like he said to me, he fell for me back then, and apparently the feeling is still there, perhaps I feel the same. Yes, maybe that’s the way it is. The feeling is never actually gone. Perhaps, without realizing it, deep inside our hearts and minds, we keep holding on to each other. And then the universe gives the answer, even after years of being apart, we eventually find our way back to each other again. And yes, the universe leads us to understand our feelings, that it’s still there, and we got to follow it, no matter where it will take us. “It's hard to admit that everything just takes me back to when you were there, to when you were there. And a part of me keeps holding on, just in case it hasn’t gone. I guess I still care, do you still care? It was just like a movie, it was just like a song. My God, this reminds me of when we were young.”
Apparently we have same frequency, we’re on the same page, and we’re bending so well with each other. Our togetherness hit me right on the spot, that this is what I want and need for life; a partner like him. Through those conversations we had, dreams and fears we shared, I just knew that this is what a significant other supposed to be, that this is what having the other half supposed to feel. Looking in to what we’ve been through is like watching a movie, like listening to a song. Meeting him is like watching an old movie, listening to an old song we used to love when we were young; easy to fall in love with because it feels familiar. It feels familiar because we’re so similar. We’re similar because we’re on the same page and having a same frequency. And by that, I guess we’re just what simply called as soulmate. And here we are, cherishing our moment for beautiful memories in the future; because we never know what tomorrow will bring but we’re getting older. “Let me photograph you in this light in case it is the last time that we might be exactly like we were before we realized we were sad of getting old, it made us restless. Oh I’m so mad I’m getting old, it makes me reckless. It was just like a movie, it was just like a song, when we were young.”
Though “When We Were Young” actually speaks about reminiscing past memories with a loved one, still I would like to dedicate this song for him. Since it’s a marvelous song, therefore it suits for a marvelous person. Lastly, for the birthday boy, I would like to say a thing or two. First of all, I want to give my gratitude toward the God, for bringing you into life in this lifetime. Secondly, I also want to give my gratitude for your amazing mother, for giving birth to you twenty-something years ago. And also, for you, dear, I would like to say many things, but only these can come up. Thanks for growing up so well. Thanks for being who you really are and show your true colors when you’re with me. Thanks for those times you make for me. Thanks for coming into my life. Thanks for every conversation, story, dream, fear, laughter, and tear; those that are willingly shared. Thanks for all things that are true and real and shared. Thanks for everything. I wish you peace of mind. I wish you all the greatest in life. I wish you happiness. Happy birthday, dear Vidi Mahatma Santoso.

“Let me photograph you in this light in case it is the last time that we might be exactly like we were before we realized we were sad of getting old, it made us restless. Oh I’m so mad I’m getting old, it makes me reckless. It was just like a movie, it was just like a song, when we were young.” –Adele, When We Were Young






Everybody loves the things you do, from the way you talk to the way you move
Everybody here is watching you, ‘cause you feel like home, you’re like a dream come true
But if by chance you’re here alone, can I have a moment before I go?
‘Cause I’ve been by myself all night long, hoping you’re someone I used to know

You look like a movie, you sound like a song
My God, this reminds me of when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light in case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were before we realized
We were sad of getting old, it made us restless
It was just like a movie, it was just like a song

I was so scared to face my fears, nobody told me that you’d be here
And I swear you moved overseas, that’s what you said, when you left me

You still look like a movie, you still sound like a song
My God, this reminds me of when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light in case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were before we realized
We were sad of getting old, it made us restless
It was just like a movie, it was just like a song
When we were young, when we were young
When we were young, when we were young

It's hard to admit that everything just takes me back
To when you were there, to when you were there
And a part of me keeps holding on, just in case it hasn’t gone
I guess I still care, do you still care?

It was just like a movie, it was just like a song
My God, this reminds me of when we were young
When we were young, when we were young
When we were young, when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light in case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were before we realized
We were sad of getting old, it made us restless
Oh I’m so mad I’m getting old, it makes me reckless
It was just like a movie, it was just like a song, when we were young
Wrote by Mashita Fandia

source: http://debonnairebillionaire.tumblr.com

Last time I wrote about how far we would bend for our significant someone. This time I would like to write about something more complicated, a little bit more, though. Does love always this complicated? Well I guess it’s not love if it isn’t complicated. Why does love have to be this complicated? Well that’s the art of it. That’s the art of life: complication. Is it really love that is complicated, or is it just us, human, who make it as complicated as it is? Well I guess it’s because we’re human therefore we tend to make it complicated. Why? Because we think (and sometimes think too much) and we analyze (and overanalyze, most of the times) and we can never stop.
So, I would like to talk about fears. Someone told me that love gives us fears. Fears of what? Fears of losing it. Love brings comfort. Comfort brings attachment. Along with the attachment, there is a fear of detachment. But then, the same person also told me that fears come along with hopes. Hopes of what? I didn’t get a chance to ask him what he meant by that, but what I could interpret by that is that fears and hopes are like two sides of a coin. They come together as a package. There’s no hope without fear, and the other way around. Love gives us hopes and fears at the same time. If that’s how the way we’re thinking, then fear is inevitable. The thing is, how far we can manage ourselves to control it. Fears, hopes, don’t let them control us. On the other hand, we should be the one who takes control over them. Yes, easy to be said but very hard to do.
This is a story about a woman who loves a man. Yes, the same woman and man I’ve talked about last time. They have an agreement. The agreement, as well as a common agreement, it has terms and condition. More or less, the agreement says that the woman and the man are together, until a predetermined time limit, and when that time comes, they will go their separate ways. Okay, before we continue with the story, let’s take a flashback to how the agreement was made for the first time. I have to note that this flashback is important, very important, in order to reflect, and also as a reminder for both of them (in case one of them or maybe both of them forget), regarding to why and what purpose they have since the beginning of their ‘togetherness’. Here I write the flashback in italic and past tense:
The man loved the woman even before he realized it. The woman fell in love with the man years ago, and thought the feeling had totally gone since he left her devastated back then. However, the woman met the man again, only to realize that the feeling was never actually disappeared. Things were just like it used to be back then. Nothing had changed, apparently. Their souls were like old friends. No matter how long they had been separated, they got along so well within seconds once they bounced back to each other again. Thinking that they stood a chance to finally be together at that time, they took their ‘togetherness’ to another level, only to find that the ghost of the past was still haunting them. But both of them couldn’t deny their own feelings, and eventually the ghost of the past didn’t stop them to be together. They agreed not to chain their ‘togetherness’ into a common in-a-relationship commitment. They were together as lovers, as partners, but it was an open relationship, except for ‘one thing’. It was ‘one thing’ that there was an unspoken commitment they made for themselves that they did that ‘one thing’ only with each other.
So why did they decide to have that kind of ‘togetherness’? Because they were tired of commitments. They had too many fears regarding to commitment. Then the time went by and many things happened in between. Then, the ghost of the present came along with the ghost of the future. Again, the big storm rocked the ship. The man saw no future for them to be together. The woman was hopeless with the man’s perspective. She needed him, but she couldn’t reach him. Here at this point, the agreement was made. The woman felt that it needed to be made since she wanted to be with him. The man thought that it was pointless, because in the end it would rip him apart, eventually. The woman insisted. “Now or later, what hurts will still hurt. So why suffer now? Better later.” The man finally agreed, out of love and desperation. Undeniably, the force was strong between them.
Recently, the man tried to violate the agreement. He said, “We should stop it. You and me. The longer we cling to each other, the harder we push the self-destruct button.” Again, it’s fears. The woman and the man have had conversations about fears and hopes, many times. It seems like the man forgot. However, it makes the woman starting to wonder, is it really fears that drove him to say that? Or maybe, is it because of another thing? Since deep down inside, the woman is a very timid person, she begins to think that it’s just the man’s excuse, because she’s not enough for him. She has told him many times before, but perhaps he already forgot, that her confidence is not that big enough for her to feel that she deserves to receive love, moreover from a gorgeous, attractive, brilliant young man like him. A woman like her is gone forever when a man like him is saying goodbye. She’s just nothing compares to him.
The woman believes that they can end their ‘togetherness’ in a good term when the time finally comes. She knows she can’t ask for too much from the man. At all cost, she only asks for the man to patiently stick with the agreement. Since they only have a little time, she wants to make the best out of it; memories to be cherished in the future. She screwed up many times before, with those other men, and she doesn’t want the same thing to happen with this man. If it has to come to an end, then she wants to end it in a good term, at the time which they had settled in the agreement. Meanwhile, she loves him for free, for his whole package, until that time comes. She doesn’t ask for his lifetime; she only asks for months of his life; is that too much to ask?
That’s the story I can tell for now. In my point of view, both the woman and the man have so many fears, but they have different kind of fears. The man fears of being devastated. He can’t handle such emotional cost. The woman fears of a sudden goodbye. She can’t handle such damage, not anymore. Both of them fear of losing something real. They can’t handle such mental breakdown. A big difference lies in the way they deal with their own fears. The man tries as hard as he can to not giving care, while the woman decides to cherish every moment they spend together. This difference creates friction between them. Love means how far we would bend for that significant someone, right? Would the woman bend for the man, by giving less care? Or would the man bend for the woman, by trying to cherish every moment in the little time they have? Could they find a way for their bending to meet in the middle? They should find a way. There’s always a way.


“I will leave my heart at the door,
I won’t say a word, they’ve all been said before, you know
So why don’t we just play pretend,
Like we’re not scared of what is coming next or scared of having nothing left?
Look, don’t get me wrong, I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is… if this is my last night with you,
Hold me like I’m more than just a friend,
Give me a memory I can use,
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do,
It matters how this ends, ‘cause what if I never love again?

I don’t need your honesty,
It’s already in your eyes and I’m sure my eyes, they speak for me
No one knows me like you do,
And since you’re the only one that matters, tell me who do I run to?
Look, don’t get me wrong, I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is… if this is my last night with you,
Hold me like I’m more than just a friend,
Give me a memory I can use,
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do,
It matters how this ends, ‘cause what if I never love again?

Let this be our lesson in love, let this be the way we remember us,
I don’t wanna be cruel or vicious, and I ain’t asking for forgiveness,
All I ask is… if this is my last night with you,
Hold me like I’m more than just your friend,
Give me a memory that I can use,
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do,
It matters how this ends, ‘cause what if I never love again?”
Wrote by Mashita Fandia
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