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pieces of me


Source: here

People say that human’s heart is fickle; deeper than the sea, larger than the ocean. They say it’s unpredictable; has many unknown territories like the outer space. It has many blank spaces. When love comes to one, it stays. When the love is over, it doesn’t mean that it goes away just like that. Sometimes it never leaves. So when other love comes, does it replace the old ones? Nope. A heart has many rooms, blank space, as I said before. I used to believe that a heart has only one room at a time, for the most beloved one. As I grow up, I learn that it’s wrong. And there are many kinds of love too, that a heart can keep at a time. There are people who have many ex-lovers, jumping from one person to another in a short time. People like them are usually being judge by society as ‘players’, well, I used to be one of them who judge, ashamed, indeed. But now I understand, as I grow up, that they just try to look for what they’re looking for. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Lovers come and go, and not everyone is as lucky as you are who could devote to only one person in your lifetime. Some people, unlike you, have to go through so many before they could find the right one. Still, it’s better to fail many times rather than do nothing.

“So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames. You can tell me when it’s over, if the high was worth the pain. Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane. ‘Cause you know I love the players, and you love the game.” –Taylor Swift, Blank Space

On the day of my birthday, I was going on a little trip with my besties, a little escape from our daily routines. While we were riding along, the radio in the car was playing this one song, perhaps two times or more, it’s Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space”. And suddenly, just like that, this song was stuck in my head. Felt like the universe conspired to make me listening to it carefully. And so here we are, the last song for My Choices: Continue Living; it’s “Blank Space” by the one and only, Taylor Swift. This electro-pop song was released on November 10th 2014 and served as the second single from Swift’s fifth studio album, “1989”. Though all of the songs in the album are pop songs, as Swift described the album as her first official pop album, she doesn’t lose her lyrical touch, especially in “Blank Space”, and that’s what I love from her. As we know it, Swift always writes a song based on her own experience. Some say that’s childish, but for me personally, that’s brilliant. I’m a person who highly appreciates the act of sharing meanings, remember? And this song basically sums up her love life so far, while satirizing the media’s perception of her and her relationships.

"Blank Space" single cover - source: en.wikipedia.org

I have to say that it’s a brave yet brilliant move for Miss Swift to put herself as the villain in this song. Yes, the main character is the villain, and I always love this kind of thing; being an evil main character, I mean. Generally, “Blank Space” tells about a woman who runs wild in conducting her romantic life; like a heartbreaker, free-spirited lady, careless biatch, yet the sensible one. She’s attracted to him since the first time. Guessing that the crush will be just be a temporary feeling and won’t last long, she offers to play the game of love. You only live once, and it’s too short to pass an exciting game like this, right? “Nice to meet you, where you been? I could show you incredible things, magic, madness, heaven, sin. Saw you there and I thought, oh my God, look at that face, you look like my next mistake. Love’s a game, wanna play?” She’s pretty aware of what people’s depiction of her is, yet she assures him to take the chance to know her and see how and where this will go as time passes by. You only live once, and it’s too short to pass the adventure trip like this, right? “New money, suit and tie, I can read you like a magazine. Ain’t it funny, rumors fly, and I know you heard about me. So hey, let’s be friends, I’m dying to see how this one ends. Grab your passport and my hand, I can make the bad guys good for a weekend.”
She can be whatever he wants her to be, and he can take everything that he wants from her. Indeed,  as cruel as a woman can be, she will give everything and afford anything in the name of love. She’s all in. But there’s always high and low in love life, and the worst is yet to come. “Cherry lips, crystal skies, I could show you incredible things. Stolen kisses, pretty lies, you’re the King, baby, I’m your Queen. Find out what you want, be that girl for a month. Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh no.” And from here on, the twist begins. When she finds out that he turns out to be just the same as her ex-lovers, the huge anger explodes. Because, like a rose with thorns, she’s good for the good and bad for the bad. What goes around comes around, right? “Screaming, crying, perfect storms, I can make all the tables turn. Rose garden filled with thorns, keep you second guessing like, ‘Oh my God, who is she?’. I get drunk on jealousy, but you’ll come back each time you leave. ‘Cause, darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.”
Romance is, indeed, whether will last forever or die in vain. Love is, indeed, whether will take us to marriage or end with a breakup. “So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames. You can tell me when it’s over, if the high was worth the pain. Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane. ‘Cause you know I love the players, and you love the game.” There is a long list of her ex-boyfriends who will spread fake news and things about her, because she had trust with them which turned to be fake. She wants to take this relationship too far, but if it doesn’t go well, there’s a space for one more name in the long list of her ex-boyfriends. “‘Cause we’re young and we’re reckless, we’ll take this way too far. It’ll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar. Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane. But I’ve got a blank space, baby, and I’ll write your name.” As cool as a woman can be, she could go all-in in love, but once she’s hurt, she never hesitates to put him on the list of her ex-boyfriends. Indeed, love could end whether beautifully or miserably. “Boys only want love if it’s torture. Don’t say I didn’t say, I didn’t warn ya.” As Miss Swift said herself in an interview, she was thinking about this, that boys only want love if it’s torture and a constant chase, but men want love if it’s real, right, healthy and consistent.

Taylor Swift on the "Blank Space" music video - source: rollingstone.com

A music video of “Blank Space” accidentally leaked on Yahoo! on November 10th 2014. It was directed by Joseph Kahn and starred model Sean O’Pry as Swift’s love interest in this video. The song itself was written, composed, and arranged by Miss Swift herself, as always, along with Max Martin and Shellback. It received not only acclaim from music critics but also commercial success, by topping the charts with sales of 155,000 copies in just its first week after the release. In its third week, “Blank Space” climbed up on number one position of Billboard Hot 100, making Swift the first female artist to replace herself at number one, as the number one song of the previous week was her previous single “Shake It Off”. A source said that it makes fun of her exposure in the media about her dating life, which portraying herself as “an overly attached man-eater who dates for songwriting material”. Well, as Robert Leedham said, “It's the work of someone who finds success in misadventure, instead of wallowing in it.” Knocking two birds with one stone, well done Miss Swift!

“‘Cause we’re young and we’re reckless, we’ll take this way too far. It’ll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar. Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane. But I’ve got a blank space, baby, and I’ll write your name.” –Taylor Swift, Blank Space



“Nice to meet you, where you been? I could show you incredible things
Magic, madness, heaven, sin, saw you there and I thought
Oh my God, look at that face, you look like my next mistake
Love’s a game, wanna play?

New money, suit and tie, I can read you like a magazine
Ain’t it funny, rumors fly, and I know you heard about me
So hey, let’s be friends, I’m dying to see how this one ends
Grab your passport and my hand, I can make the bad guys good for a weekend

So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it’s over, if the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane
‘Cause you know I love the players, and you love the game
‘Cause we’re young and we’re reckless, we’ll take this way too far
It’ll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane
But I’ve got a blank space, baby, and I’ll write your name

Cherry lips, crystal skies, I could show you incredible things
Stolen kisses, pretty lies, you’re the King, baby, I’m your Queen
Find out what you want, be that girl for a month
Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh no

Screaming, crying, perfect storms, I can make all the tables turn
Rose garden filled with thorns, keep you second guessing like
‘Oh my God, who is she?’, I get drunk on jealousy
But you’ll come back each time you leave, ‘cause, darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream

Boys only want love if it’s torture, don’t say I didn’t say, I didn’t warn ya
Boys only want love if it’s torture, don’t say I didn’t say, I didn’t warn ya”
Wrote by Mashita Fandia

"The Spectacular Now" official still photo - source: imdb.com

“It’s fine to live in the now, but the best thing about now, is that there’s another one tomorrow. It’s time to start making them count.” –Sutter Keely (The Spectacular Now, 2013)

“Compared to other kids, I haven’t had that many hardships. Not really. Shit’s happened ..., stuff’s happened, sure, stuff always happens. But the real challenge of my life, the real hardship is me. It’s always been me. As long as I can remember, I’ve never not been afraid. Afraid of failure, of letting people down, hurting everyone, getting hurt. I thought if I kept my guard up, focused on other things, other people, if I couldn’t even feel it, well then no harm would come to me. I screwed up. Not only did I shut out the pain, I shut out everything. The good and the bad. Until there was nothing. I’m not gonna do that anymore.” –Sutter Keely (The Spectacular Now, 2013)

“It’s good to have dreams. Don’t you think?” –Aimee Finicky (The Spectacular Now, 2013)

Title                  : The Spectacular Now
Director             : James Ponsoldt
Starring             : Miles Teller, Shailene Woodley
Genre                : drama, romance, comedy
Distributor         : A24
Release date      : 2 August 2013
Running time      : 95 minutes

"The Spectacular Now" movie poster - source: imdb.com

Several days ago, I read an interesting thing that a friend of mine, Damas Nawanda, wrote in his Facebook, and the credit goes to him. He said that he learnt there are two kinds of people that can help you grow; first are they whose presence forces you to become who you need to be, and second are they whose presence will help you discover a better part of you. Furthermore, he stated that the first kind will force you through your continuous effort to fix what you lack, like plowing through the rainy days, knowing the sun would shine. And the second kind will help you discover something you never thought you could do before, like a nice surprise that can help you jump higher. Well, nicely written, Dam! Anyway, I agree with his point of view. Indeed, people become a grown-up not because they choose to be, but because they have to be; by force, of situation, condition, surroundings, certain people. And indeed, people become a grown-up not because they’re getting old by age, but because they realize that they’re old enough to be; by discovery, of something new, unpredictable, surprising, life-changing.
Coming-of-age is an important phase in a human’s life. This phase is a stepping stone for us to define who we really are and who we’re going to be. Everyone we meet during this phase, will either become the person who forces us to become who we need to be, or become the person who helps us discover a better part of us. Everyone we know during this phase, whether it’s family, friends, teachers, lovers, will make us grow as a person. Everything that happens during this phase, will either forces us to become who we need to be, or helps us discover a better part of us. Everything we experience during this phase, will make us grow as a person. I know that I’ve already passed my coming-of-age, and I understand that I’m still learning how to act like a grown-up, but, taking a look back at my coming-of-age is always exciting. It was a great time; a spectacular one. If only I were given a chance to go back, I would go back all the time. But still, I wouldn’t change anything about it. Of course there’s this kind of ‘what if’ temptation. What if I didn’t do that? What if I chose this way? Would it be different now? But still, everything happens for a reason, even when we haven’t realized it yet. Things that had happened, things that I had been through, they made me who I am today. Whether they’re good or bad memories, they’re the spectacular yesterdays.

"The Spectacular Now" official still photo - source: imdb.com

Talking about all of this; growing up, coming-of-age; this reminds me of a movie I watched some times ago. It’s a 2013 American coming-of-age movie titled “The Spectacular Now”. And yes, this movie is today’s My Choices: Continue Living. It tells about the life of Sutter Keely (portrayed by Miles Teller), during his senior year of high school. As ordinary as an 18-year-old boy can be, he’s charming and self-possessed. He’s the life of the party, loves his job at a men’s clothing store, and has no plans for the future. He is also a budding alcoholic. His girlfriend, Cassidy (Brie Larson), unable to cope with his alcoholism and lack of ambition, decides to dump him for another boy, Marcus (Dayo Okeniyi). Drinking to numb his pain, Sutter passed out on a stranger’s lawn. He’s awakened one morning after an alcohol-induced blackout, by Aimee Finicky (portrayed by Shailene Woodley), a girl who wears no makeup and reads science fiction and manga during her free time; a total opposite of Cassidy.
Aimee is obviously attracted to Sutter, while Sutter himself still seems not to have moved on yet from Cassidy; but as innocent as she can be, Aimee doesn’t realize that. On one morning, Sutter wakes up and realizes that he asked Aimee to prom while drunk. He avoids Aimee, knowing he can't commit to taking her to prom. Aimees friend Krystal (Kaitlyn Dever) tells him not to treat Aimee badly as she is a genuinely good person and doesn’t need Sutter hurting her. Sutter takes her advice and asks Aimee to dinner with his estranged sister Holly (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). At the dinner Aimee talks frankly about the death of her father and her dreams of a perfect marriage, charming everyone including Sutter. Sutter and Aimee begin to get serious, having sex for the first time. Sutter buys Aimee a flask as a gift when they attend prom, and despite a moment where Sutter dances with Cassidy, their night goes well. But then, Sutter decides to meet his estranged father, without knowing that it would be his life-changing moment.

"The Spectacular Now" official still photo - source: imdb.com

“The Spectacular Now”, for me personally, is a heart-warming movie. And I have to give credit not only to the production team, but also for the actors. They successfully brought their characters into life amazingly. Miles Teller was spectacular in this movie! And Shailene Woodley too, she played her part as the supporting actress very well. As ordinary teenagers that we’ve known and (perhaps) we’ve been, they portrayed Sutter and Aimee perfectly. As down to earth as it could be, as real as it could be, watching those two somehow reminds me of my own senior year during high school; the atmosphere. It brings me back to that time in life when I was trying to soak in every moment, because everyone told me that there’s nothing better than the last year in high school. Well, I have to say that my own senior year wasn’t as memorable, compared to the last year in middle school, or in college. But still, it brings me there. Especially when Aimee broke her arm, well, coincidentally I broke my arm during the senior year too.
Other than the characters, the storyline of “The Spectacular Now” hits me hard. It brought the daily issues in a teenager’s life that everyone probably has experienced. From the family issue until the romance issue, and the way how Sutter dealt with them, this movie has a solid plot with some captivating twists within it. Those problems are real, most of teenagers, not only in America but also in my country, have been through that too. But sadly, not many coming-of-age movies could portray that story like the way this movie did. Moreover, the main attraction lies in the main problem that Sutter has to face in this movie; a big decision he has to make in the senior year, a decision that would lead to his future. As for this one, I believe, every person has been through it before. Choosing what will you do after high school, deciding what will you choose to define your future, and graduating high school is a life-changing moment, and this, this is what leads to the next point I’m about to talk, the moral of the story from this movie.

"The Spectacular Now" official still photo - source: imdb.com

Watching “The Spectacular Now” gave me reassurance about a thought; that ready or not isn’t about time, it’s about the now, what happens now. If people were asked before, then no one was ready to become a grown-up. If people were asked before, then no one was ready to accept the reality. But when the reality hits hard, that’s when we have to face it. Whether we’re ready or not, that’s when we have to be ready for it. What’s coming is what we have to deal with. So, here, becoming a more mature and responsible person is a demand instead of a choice. No one is ready if they were asked about having a troubled father. But when it turns out that you have one, then that’s what you have to deal with. No one is ready if they were asked about graduating high school and choosing whether go to college or find a job. But when it’s time to graduate, then that’s what you have to face. And the change of behaviour that happens to a teenager when they grow up is affected by two things; feeling and logic.
Sutter was forced to become who he needed to be; it was his feeling that was touched and it moved him. He was helped to discover a better part of him; it was his logic that was triggered and it moved him. Through Sutter, and what he’s being through in this movie, “The Spectacular Now” tried to tell us that we live in the now, so make the best out of it. Everything that happens is a lesson, which will whether force us or help us to grow up. Every choice we make, everything we choose to do, it affects not only our present but also our future, so don’t let the past ruins it, but let it be the counselor that guides you. Don’t be afraid to make wrong choices, they’re also a lesson, which will whether force us or help us to grow up. When there’s a will, there’s a way; simple saying it is, but it’s true. There’s nothing such as too late, as long as you have the will to make it right. So, while we’re living in the now, let’s make the best out of it.

"The Spectacular Now" official still photo - source: imdb.com

From the scriptwriter of “(500) Days of Summer” (2009), Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, “The Spectacular Now” is based on the novel of the same name written by Tim Tharp. It was premiered at the 2013 Sundance Film Festival on January 18th 2013, and was warmly received as it garnered critical acclaim. Many critics praised the leads, Miles Teller and Shailene Woodley, for showing a great chemistry as well as portraying their own individual part in a very charming way. They also stated that this movie is a rare one, for its ordinary yet extraordinary sincere storyline. Anyway, despite what they said about this movie, it got me so, definitely. Like what Peter Travers said about this movie; hits you like a shot in the heart. The way it depicted teenager’s attitude about the future, that reminds me somehow; everyone is eventually always growing up. At every point in life, we have to seize the moment, or just let the moment seizes us. And at some point in life, we have to make the choice.


“You think beauty’s in some classroom or some textbook, and it’s not. That’s not what it’s about. This right here, this is beautiful, all of this. That’s all you need.” –Sutter Keely (The Spectacular Now, 2013)
Wrote by Mashita Fandia


"New Hair, New Age" - photo taken by: Ghina Tsabitah

It’s amazing, the moment when your words are coming back for you. I’m talking about the moment when someone comes to you and says, “You know what, what you said to me back then, it’s true, lalala”, when you actually don’t even remember that you said those things to that person. It’s amazing, the moment when you know that even your very little act of kindness is still remembered by someone else. I’m talking about the moment when someone comes to you and says, “I remember you did this to me back then, lalala, that affects me so much, you know, in a good way” when you actually don’t even remember that you did that thing to that person. It’s amazing, the moment you realize that even the smallest thing you say or do is meant a lot for someone else. I’m talking about the moment when someone comes to you and says, “At that time, when you said lalala to me, it meant a lot,” when you actually don’t even realize that when you said that, it could and would leave a deep meaning towards that person.
A moment like that, I’ve experienced it several times. And it always feels amazing. I think it’s Mark Twain, he said that there are two most important days in a human’s life; first is the day they were born, and second is the day they find out why they were born. For me personally, living is about searching the meaning of our lives itself. And the beauty of life lies in the process of people sharing their meanings. Because of the sharing, the ‘amazing moment’ that I’ve mentioned before could happen. And whenever I encounter the ‘amazing moment’, it’s like a reminder to me; to be more grateful, to live life to the fullest, to never stop sharing act and word of kindness. This blog, it’s one of my ways to share meanings with people; thoughts, through things that I love; music, movies, television programs, anything. This day marks the fourth of century I’ve been living as a human named Mashita Fandia. And there’s no bigger hope than to give better and better writings for you all, dear Readers. Let’s never stop sharing the meanings. Let’s make this silver age amazing.


P.S.: If you have any song or movie that you would like me to review, or just ask me anything, please never hesitate to email me at mashita.fandia@gmail.com I’m open for any suggestion.
Wrote by Mashita Fandia

Source: here

What is crossing your mind when you’re re-thinking about your life so far? For me, it’s the life-changing moment of my life, the moment that becomes the turning-point in my life. That ‘moment’ could be anything; having your first love, first heart-break; having an awful traffic accident, a bad disease; being accepted in certain school, or college, or even being rejected by ones; the death of someone important, a friend, a family member, a relative, a teacher; having the near-death experience yourself; or perhaps just a simple thing like watching a certain movie, listening to a certain song, reading a certain book; meeting someone, parting with someone; visiting some certain places; and the list goes on. While thinking about ‘the moment’, I can’t help but keep asking myself; did I do the right thing? Did I choose the right one? I understand that we live by, of, and for ourselves. We don’t live to please everyone, I understand, but I can’t help but wanting to make my precious ones not disappointed by me. They don’t have to be happy, but at least not disappointed. One of them is my mother. Is she proud of what I’ve become now? Does she think that I’ve lived too free-spirited so far? All I know is, I don’t care about anyone else, as long as my mother is fine about it, then I’m more than just okay too, nothing else matters.

“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see. I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy. Because I’m easy come, easy go, little high, little low. Anyway the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me.” –Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody

Finally come a time for me to write a review of the most spectacular legendary hits of all time. And I proudly present it as today’s song for My Choices: Continue Living. It’s titled “Bohemian Rhapsody”, the classic epic masterpiece performed by the legendary British rock band, Queen. Released four decades ago on October 31st 1975, the song was served as the first single taken from Queen’s fourth studio album, “A Night at the Opera”. The album itself was released on November 21st 1975. “Bohemian Rhapsody” was written, composed, and arranged by Queen’s frontman, Freddie Mercury. It has a unique composition, rock ballad melody and opera-like orchestra sound, which makes this song memorable and become Queen’s signature song. For the lyrics itself, Mr. Freddie Mercury and the band didn’t reveal anything about it, and this is the point which makes me fall in love with him and this song. The late Mr. Freddie Mercury himself stated that, “It’s one of those songs which has such a fantasy feel about it. I think people should just listen to it, think about it, and then make up their own minds as to what it says to them.” So, he had gone leaving this precious gift to the world. And me, I would be in a very pleasure to think about the lyrics and make up my mind as to what it says to me.

"Bohemian Rhapsody" single cover - source: en.wikipedia.org

“Bohemian Rhapsody” is a story, that tells about a man in the edge of life and death. He’s sentenced by death penalty because of killing a man. The time he kills the man, it’s his life-changing moment, the turning-point in his life, and I’m pretty sure that everyone must has their own ‘moment’ like that. When that kind of ‘moment’ comes, our life flashes back in our mind. And that one person comes up. The one who puts her own life on the line just to bring us into the world; mother. It’s natural for a human being to call out toward their mother whenever they feel scared, insecure, hopeless, and everytime they try to find a peaceful and safe haven. Indeed, no matter how old we are, we were just a kid once. And for a mother, no matter how old we are, we will always be their children. “Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead. Mama, life had just begun, but now I’ve gone and thrown it all away. Mama, didn’t mean to make you cry. If I’m not back again this time tomorrow, carry on as if nothing really matters.” Suddenly, we feel that sense of guilt toward our mother. A fear of having disappointing her, a dread of breaking all the hope she has toward us, a fash of making her shedding tears of sadness. “Too late, my time has come, sent shivers down my spine, body’s aching all the time. Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go, gotta leave you all behind and face the truth. Mama, I don’t wanna die, I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all.”
There’s one more figure whom a human being will run toward when they face ‘the moment’; God. That’s why, from the Qur’an until the Bible, the lyrics contain of many religious terms. No matter how free-spirited life the man in this song has lived on, in the end he has to face the truth when the reality hits him really hard. “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see. I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy. Because I’m easy come, easy go, little high, little low. Anyway the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me.” However, sadness and desperation are just the first step when we face ‘the moment’. The next step is anger, and this is the hardest one. Trapped between stay and go. Stuck between remain and leave. “So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die? Can’t do this to me. Just gotta get right outta here.” But when you could overcome the anger, then you would reach the final step; resignation. And when you reach this, nothing really matters anymore. You can just let go, anyway the life takes you. “Anyone can see, nothing really matters to me anyway the wind blows.”

Queen on the "Bohemian Rhapsody" music video - source: americablog.com

At the time, “Bohemian Rhapsody” was the most expensive single ever made. And thanks to that, “A Night at the Opera” was the most expensive album ever made, as Queen used six different studios to record it. Queen also didn’t use any synthesizers on the album, which is something they were very proud of, and is something I’m very amazed of. The title “Bohemian Rhapsody” itself could be a genius title that not only stands for the phrase’s literal meaning but also brilliantly describes the song itself. ‘Bohemian’ is an adjective for something defying the usual or against convention and living with disregard for standards, and the song is just like that. A ‘rhapsody’ is a piece of classical music with distinct sections that is played as one movement, in which we can hear throughout the whole song. In the end, there’s nothing more I can say than that this song is an epic classic masterpiece. The late Mr. Freddie Mercury was a genius, and I can’t say enough how grateful I am that he left us this one and only “Bohemian Rhapsody”. Rest in peace, Sir.

“Nothing really matters, anyone can see, nothing really matters. Nothing really matters to me, anyway the wind blows.” –Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody



“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality
Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see, I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I’m easy come, easy go, little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me, to me

Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead
Mama, life had just begun, but now I’ve gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooh, didn’t mean to make you cry, if I’m not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come, sent shivers down my spine, body’s aching all the time
Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go,  gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooh (anyway the wind blows), I don’t wanna die
I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all

I see a little silhouetto of a man, Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me, (Galileo) Galileo, (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro, Magnifico
I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me, he’s just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity, easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go (let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go (let him go!)
Bismillah! We will not let you go (let me go!) Will not let you go (let me go!)
Never, never let you go, never let me go, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh, mama mia, mama mia (mama mia, let me go), Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die?
Oh, baby, can’t do this to me, baby, just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

Nothing really matters, anyone can see, nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me, anyway the wind blows”
Wrote by Mashita Fandia

Source: here

Jaded (adjective) means bored or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something. That’s according to Oxford dictionary. So, have you ever come to a point in life where you’re asking to yourself; what am I f*cking doing right now? Have you ever felt like you just want to do nothing, or probably just don’t have any idea about what you’re gonna do? Well, perhaps you’re just jaded. There were some points in my life, as I grew up, that I feel like I’m jaded. Of anything. Though there might be several reasons behind that, but I just feel like I’m jaded of anything. And that kind of feeling was always felt so bad. I felt like I didn’t have any sense of gratitude towards life anymore, therefore I felt guilty. However, after a long time I haven’t felt that way, I felt that again some days ago, which made me come to a thought; this kind of feeling might feel so bad at the time, but later it will turn me into a better person. A person who learns how to handle things better, who learns how to solve problems better. Why was it different from back then? Well I take it as a sign that I’m growing up; I’m evolving. Indeed, I guess that’s the thing about growing up; you got to see a same old thing with a whole different new perspective.

“You got your mama’s style, but you’re yesterday’s child to me. So jaded. You think that’s where its at, but is that where it’s supposed to be? You’re getting it all over me and serrated.” –Aerosmith, Jaded

Everytime I feel jaded I’m reminded of this song. “Jaded”, performed by American legendary rock band, Aerosmith. So here it is, today’s song for My Choices: Continue Living, “Jaded”. It was released on December 21st 2000 and served as the first single from the band’s 13th studio album, titled “Just Push Play”. The album was the first album they produced themselves, and also their first album of 21st century, since it was released in the same year they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, 2001. The song “Jaded” itself was written by Aerosmith’s frontman, Steven Tyler, along with songwriter and music producer, Marti Frederiksen.

"Jaded" single cover - source: en.wikipedia.org

Talking about being jaded, I guess people become jaded when they are bored or annoyed. Well, at least that’s what happen to me. It often happens because they are overindulged and take things for granted. It takes a little while for me to actually catch the meaning of this song’s lyrics, and try to re-interpret it myself. It’s a story of a girl who has lost the ability to feel due to losing touch with reality. So, the girl in the song is given and gotten everything, even beyond what she wants and needs, which denies her the chance to really feel and experience life. “You got your mama’s style, but you’re yesterday’s child to me. So jaded. You think that’s where its at, but is that where it’s supposed to be? You’re getting it all over me and serrated.” So, the girl can see the life only in black or white. For her, there’s nothing in between, and she brings that into her relationship, which triggers the complicated things that lead to make everyone’s jaded. “In all its misery, it will always be what I love and hated. And maybe take a ride to the other side we’re thinking of. We’ll slip into the velvet glove and be jaded.” So, when it comes for the girl to open her heart and mind towards the reality, she’s breaking, and looking for another easy way to run. And it doesn’t solve anything in the relationship. “There ain’t no baby please when I’m shooting the breeze with her, when everything you see is a blur, and ectasy’s what you prefer.”
Indeed, everything that is overrated is not good; including love. Something overrated could make both part in a relationship be jaded. “My baby blue, I’ve been thinking about you. My baby blue, you’re so jaded, and I’m the one that jaded you.” When they both become jaded, what comes next is the blue feeling; sad, depression, anxiety, and restless. “My baby blue, I’m thinking about you. My baby blue, I’m so jaded, and baby I’m afraid of you.” When they both feel the blue, what comes next is desperation; having enough of everything. “My baby blue, I’m talking about you. My baby blue, I’ve been thinking about you. My baby blue, you’re so jaded, ‘cause I’m the one that jaded you.” In this song, the desperation is felt only one-sided. And he feel sick, until the point that it’s suffocating for him, and nothing much of hatred could redeem it. But in the end, he still has this hope; a hope that the girl would realize the situation and have the intention to fix everything, so that they could still love each other. “Your thinking’s so complicated, I’ve had it all up to here. But it’s so overrated love, and hated wouldn’t trade it. Love me jaded.”

Mila Kunis on the "Jaded" music video - source: abc7.com

The music video of “Jaded” was premiered on MTV on February 13th 2001. It was directed by Francis Lawrence and starred Mila Kunis, who was just a rookie actress at that time. A source told that according to lead singer Steven Tyler, he wrote this song while thinking of his youngest daughter, and how he missed much of her childhood because he was touring. He feels he jaded her and himself by not being available due to band commitments or drug problems. Well, then we understand why the term ‘my baby blue’ was used in the lyrics. For me personally, “Jaded” was the first song that hooked me into Aerosmith, back when I just a little girl. So it means a lot for me, and now it means more after understanding the lyrics.

“Your thinking’s so complicated, I’ve had it all up to here. But it’s so overrated love, and hated wouldn’t trade it. Love me jaded.” –Aerosmith, Jaded



“Hey j-j-jaded, you got your mama’s style but you’re yesterday’s child to me
So jaded, you think that’s where its at, but is that where it’s supposed to be?
You’re getting it all over me and serrated

My my baby blue, yeah I’ve been thinking about you
My my baby blue, yeah you’re so jaded, and I’m the one that jaded you

Hey j-j-jaded in all its misery it will always be what I love and hated
And maybe take a ride to the other side we’re thinking of
We’ll slip into the velvet glove and be jaded

My my baby blue, yeah I’m thinking about you
My my baby blue, yeah I’m so jaded, and baby I’m afraid of you

Your thinking’s so complicated, I’ve had it all up to here
But it’s so overrated love, and hated wouldn’t trade it, love me jaded

Hey j-j-jaded, there ain’t no baby please when I’m shooting the breeze with her
When everything you see is a blur, and ectasy’s what you prefer

My my baby blue, yeah I’m talking about you
My my baby blue, yeah I’ve been thinking about you
My my baby blue, yeah you’re so jaded
Baby, jaded, baby, you’re so jaded, ‘cause I’m the one that jaded you”
Wrote by Mashita Fandia


"Marriage Blue" official still photo - source: hancinema.net

“Let’s get married! How long have we met? One month, which is eight hundred hours? For some, it can be too short, but for me, it’s enough time to love. I want to be with you for the next eight thousand, no, eighty thousand more! Would you marry me?” –Dae Bok (Marriage Blue, 2013)

“What’s the good in fantasizing about marriage? We’ve been through good and bad. That’s what holds a couple together.” –Won Chul (Marriage Blue, 2013)

“This is the crucial moment. I was so eager to get married. But once the date is set, I keep questioning myself. All we do is arguing while preparing the wedding.” –Dae Bok (Marriage Blue, 2013)

Title                 : Marriage Blue (결혼전야)
Director           : Hong Ji Young
Starring           : Kim Kang Woo, Kim Hyo Jin, Joo Ji Hoon, Lee Yeon Hee, Ok Taecyeon, Ma                          Dong Seok, Guzal Tursunova, Lee Hee Joon, Go Joon Hee
Genre              : romance, comedy, multiplot
Distributor       : Cinus Entertainment
Release date    : 21 November 2013
Running time  : 118 minutes

"Marriage Blue" movie poster - source: asianwiki.com

Marriage; whenever I think about that one word, it’s still amazing how complicated the term is for me. Love is a mystery, but marriage is something else. When I was a child, I used to dream childishly about how my wedding would be; the dress, the party, the ceremony, the gorgeous-prince-like groom, the cutie-pie-like children that I would have, and so on and on. However, as I grow up, come a new concept in mind; marriage, the life after the wedding; that a wedding isn’t just about the party, but more about the marriage life we would have after that. Well I learn that love is not enough reason for two people to get married. There are many, so many, other things that affect people to finally reach a decision to marry a certain person. All this time, as I’m a single, I look at married people around me, whether they’re family or friends, and I ask them; why did you get married? What was it that made you sure in the first place to get married? How, and why? Most of them answer; well, you just know when it comes.
Alright, so they say, “You just know when it comes.” Well, pardon me if I still don’t get it. But I’ve tried several times to put myself in the most possible way to understand, and I come to a tentative conclusion that; it takes something more deeper than love for someone to get married; it’s courage. You just know when you are brave enough to get married. And the courage to ask yourself: “Are you happy? Are you being yourself? Are you really in love? Do you love yourself when you’re with that person?” Wow, so many questions, right? Not trying to complicate or dramatize the thing called marriage, but for me personally, they’re important questions. It’s everyone’s dream and hope, including me, to have a marriage for the lifetime. Therefore, we need to know the exact answers for all of those questions, before we make the decision; take it or leave it. It’s the courage to give the answer to yourself, before you say “I do” in the altar.


"Marriage Blue" official still photo - source: hancinema.net

Talking about marriage, here is the second Korean movie for My Choices: Continue Living that I’m about to review now. It’s a 2013 romantic comedy movie titled “Marriage Blue (결혼전야)”, which follows four couples during a week before their wedding ceremony. First couple are Tae Gyu (Kim Kang Woo) and Joo Young (Kim Hyo Jin). Tae Gyu is a former baseball player and Joo Young is a doctor in an urology clinic. They’ve broken up once before got back together, and now about to get married. A week before their wedding, Tae Gyu learns that Joo Young has been hiding something from him, which makes him feel betrayed and jealous. This leads to the couple’s big fight in the week leading up to their wedding. Second couple are Dae Bok (Lee Hee Joon) and Yi Ra (Go Joon Hee). Dae Bok is the receptionist in Joo Young’s clinic and Yi Ra is a wedding planner, who’s happened to be Joo Young’s wedding planner too. They began dating just recently, until one day Yi Ra told Dae Bok that she’s pregnant and he immediately proposed her, so now they’re about to get married. As they prepare for their wedding, they keep arguing constantly because of many differences that they find between them and their families.
Third couple are Geon Ho (Ma Dong Seok) and Vika (Guzal Tursunova). Geon Ho owns a flower shop and Vika comes from Uzbekistan to work in South Korea. Geon Ho struggles with feelings of inferiority, since Vika is beautiful and much younger than him. Stressed by that, he is suddenly afflicted with erectile dysfunction and finds himself having to deal with that in only a week before the wedding. Moreover, he starts to wonder whether Vika is only marrying to him in order to get Korean citizenship. The last couple are Won Chul (Ok Taecyeon) and So Mi (Lee Yeon Hee). Won Chul is a chef and So Mi is a nail artist. They’ve been in a relationship for seven years, and now about to get married. However, So Mi feels something is missing, as Won Chul doesn’t seem passionate towards her anymore and merely regards their relationship as a comfortable living arrangement. She decides to go to Jeju Island for a nail art competition. There she meets Kyung Soo (Joo Ji Hoon), her tour guide who’s happened to be the writer of a webcomic that she frequently reads.


"Marriage Blue" official still photo - source: hancinema.net

I’m always a fans of multiplot movies, moreover if they’re romantic comedy. Hollywood has many of them; “He’s Just Not That Into You” (2009), “Valentine’s Day” (2010), and “New Year’s Eve” (2011). So when I heard for the first time that South Korea was going to make a multiplot rom-com movie, I felt so excited. And it was about a year ago when I first watched “Marriage Blue (결혼전야)”, which was satisfying me in many ways. It’s not Korean first multiplot movie, but as far as I know and remember, it’s definitely the first multiplot in rom-com genre. First things first, this movie has the perfect cast. Everyone just falls into the right character. And also, one important thing that can’t be left from a multiplot movie, of course, the so-many moral of the stories. From Tae Gyu and Joo Young couple, we learn that marriage isn’t only about love; more than that, it’s about being together with the right person at the right time. No matter how long you’ve known that person, no matter how deep you think you’ve known that person, if the time wasn’t right, then it wouldn’t happen. No matter what the situation is now, when it’s the right time, then it will be. And what’s left is a compromise, and that’s the other thing we learn from this movie.
Marriage isn’t only about love; more than that, it’s about compromising the situation. That’s basicly the thing we learn from all of four couples in this movie. However, we can see that clearly from Dae Bok and Yi Ra. I think I’ve mentioned before, somewhere in my previous posts, that love is about quality not quantity. Dae Bok and Yi Ra only know each other for a short period of time, yet they have to get married because of an unexpected situation. Just like that, the wedding is suddenly fast approaching. And during the wedding preparation, everything is blowing up, mainly because of their differences. Not only between both of them, but also between their families. I have to note that I love what Yi Ra is saying to Dae Bok, that she doesn’t want him to marry her just because a sense of responsibility. Indeed, that’s super duper true! A sense of responsibility is not enough to hold two people together for a long time, trust me, I’ve learnt that from the most experienced couple. It’s when you’re willing to compromise, because you love that person, in order to be with that person, that’s what will hold two people together.


"Marriage Blue" official still photo - source: hancinema.net

In Eastern countries like South Korea, and also like my country, marriage isn’t only about two people falling in love being together; more than that, it’s about two big families become one very-big family. As if two families with the same cultural background don’t complicate thing enough, Geon Ho and Vika give us a depiction of two people from different cultural background. For me personally, they’re probably the sweetest couple in this movie. From them, I learn that as long as we try hard enough to understand, love has its own language that makes us understand. I always believe that communication has a very significant role in a relationship, and indeed, it is. Understanding has been a big hurdle in every man-woman relationship. Women usually say that men aren’t sensible. And men usually complain that women aren’t saying the truth about what they really feel. When the real problem is, both of them are just too lazy to try to understand. And you can’t do that for marriage, because it isn’t only about love; more than that, it’s about communicating your true feelings and understanding your partner’s.
Last but not least, comes my favorite story from this movie; the triangle relationship between Won Chul, So Mi, and Kyung Soo. Oh, I should aware you that this paragraph is a spoiler territory. In case you haven’t watch this movie, don’t read it. So, it’s kind of surprising, because Won Chul and So Mi is the only couple that don’t get married in the end. Here is the message, again, that love isn’t about quantity but the quality; and it turns out that marriage is as well. As for Won Chul and So Mi, who have been in a relationship for seven years, I could respect their decision to cancel their wedding in the end. They aren’t similar in many ways, yet they’ve tried so hard to restrain them because they want to work on their relationship, though they both realize that very well. But they’re eventually breaking out just before they walk to the altar. I salute them; Won Chul for bravely letting go and So Mi for bravely walking out. All love needs is a chance, and marriage is as well. Yet, marriage is a one-time decision for a lifetime. Don’t get married because of a sense of obligation, that won’t last long. Get married when you’re brave enough to give the exact answers of: “Are you happy? Are you being yourself? Are you really in love? Do you love yourself when you’re with that person?” Because there’s nothing such as ‘too late’ for a true love.


"Marriage Blue" official still photo - source: hancinema.net

The literal Korean title of “Marriage Blue (결혼전야)” actually means “The Night Before the Wedding”, but it was released internationally under its English title as “Marriage Blue”. Truth to be told, actually I had only a little intention to review this movie. I said a little, because of course I would like to make a review of every inspiring movie I’ve ever watched, and this one was very inspiring for me. Yet, on the other side, making a review about this movie means that I have to think about one thing I actually not very keen on thinking about; marriage. Indeed, I have to think about that sooner or later (considering my age), and I feel that this time is right to talk about that through this movie review. And as you can read in this post, this movie has brought some interesting perpectives about marriage. Anyway, it’s actually always interesting for me to talk more and re-think about the concept of marriage itself. Well, maybe some other time in other post.

Wrote by Mashita Fandia
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