You are Not Alone

Wednesday, June 14, 2017




It is a week plus four days since he has been gone. I’m sorry that I’m still counting. Moreover, I’m sorry that I will still write about songs from my “loneliness mixtape”. Well, what do you expect? Loneliness is my best friend nowadays. This very morning I woke up at 02:00 am after four hours sleeping and I couldn’t go back to sleep again. I miss him too much. I miss him; too much that it hurts. I miss him; too much that it’s killing me. I devastatingly miss him. Oh God, I miss him. I miss him until I don’t know what to say or what else to write. Shit. I miss him. I woke up with my whole body aching from missing him. I miss him with all of my body and soul. When we love someone, when we are in a relationship with someone, I believe that we are emotionally connected with our significant other. Hence I actually have nothing to worry about. I believe he misses me too. I can feel it. Though he doesn’t show or say it, I can feel it. Though we are physically apart with our significant other, we are emotionally connected. Hence I have something to be grateful for; I am not alone. I might be lonely but I am not alone. He is here with me; in my deepest heart.

Every day I sit and ask myself, how did love slip away?” –Michael Jackson, You Are Not Alone

This song I would like to discuss about this time is performed by the legendary King of Pop, Michael Jackson. It is titled “You Are Not Alone”. The R n’ B ballad track was released on August 15th 1995 as the second single taken from the legend’s ninth studio album, “HIStory: Past, Present and Future, Book I”, or simply called as “HIStory”. Directed by Wayne Isham, an official accompany music video for this song was starring the legend’s then-wife, Lisa Marie Presley, and was notable for the semi-nudity scenes. “You Are Not Alone” was written by Robert Kelly, or famous as his stage name, R. Kelly. Lyrically, this song is about love and isolation; an isolation that comes after losing close people in life, which I believe, many people has experienced that. Well, I experience it right now, more or less. For me, it feels almost the same as when my Grandpa died and when my Grandma died: it is the kind of loss that I cannot replace. Strangely enough, my partner hummed this song during our last night together right before he left this town. It is as if he tried to reassure me that, “Hey Mashita, my love, you are not alone, I am here with you.”


"You Are Not Alone" single cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

When facing the reality of separation, the first thing that most of us do is a denial. It is our first self defense mechanism as a human; to deny for something that we could not believe would happen, but it happens anyway. Hence we deny it. Perhaps we can face the fact that we are left alone now and days have passed ever since our significant other left. However, most of the times we still cannot accept it. We spend the whole day wondering how this all could be happening; why we are left alone without our significant other beside us. We waste the whole night questioning how it went wrong that we have lost it all now; why our significant other had to go and left our world so cold. And that is what happens every time the dark side of myself is taking over. “Another day has gone, I’m still all alone. How could this be? You’re not here with me. You never said goodbye. Someone tell me, why did you have to go and leave my world so cold?” We have this self-denial and self-rejected that our significant other left us because we are not that significant.
However then, there comes a time when the fears subside, and though the shadow still remains, a dim light has come upon us to make us realize that our self-denial and self-rejected is only inside our head. One night we will realize that our significant other is actually hurt too from leaving us. It only takes one phone call for us to realize that we are not the only one who is in pain and devastation; so is our significant other. When two people are in love, no matter how far they have to part, they will always be in each other’s heart. When two people sincerely love each other, no matter how far they are apart, they always long for one another. One day we will understand the cry for help of our significant other; a cry that is pleading to be able to be together again. “Just the other night, I thought I heard you cry, asking me to come and hold you in my arms. I can hear your prayers, your burdens I will bear, but first I need your hand, then forever can begin.” And yes, it takes two to tango. It does too in a long distance relationship.
Every time the dark side of us takes over and makes us wondering why it all happened, just remind ourselves that we are actually not alone. We are here to stay because we believe that no matter how far, love will bring them back. They are always here in our heart because we believe that no matter how far, love will always win. Though we are physically apart with our significant other, our souls are connected. “Every day I sit and ask myself, how did love slip away? Something whispers in my ear and says that you are not alone. I am here with you, though you’re far away. I am here to stay. You are not alone. I am here with you, though we’re far apart. You’re always in my heart.” People say that it is not distance that separates lovers, but silence does. Well I guess they have a point. There is no place that far in the name of love. There is no distance that could not be reached for the sake of love. Just say that we miss them. And make an effort to see them. “Whisper three words and I’ll come running, and girl you know that I’ll be there, I’ll be there.”


"HIStory" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

At times, darkness consumes me. It says that I am worthless and not significant hence he left me; hence he made a decision to leave. It forces me to wonder what I have done wrong until he decided to leave me alone here to die in loneliness. It pushes me to ask why it all must happen to me, to us. It says that I am not good enough, not beautiful enough, not sexy enough, and not worthy enough for him to stand beside me and fight for us. It tells me that I have nothing for him to hold onto. It speaks to me that he just wanted to run away from me since I am this sick and boring person. At times, this darkness got over me so well. And when I am so down, he calls. He calls and in a sudden I realize that it is all only inside my head; those fears, insecurities, and anxiety. He did not leave because he wanted to. He did leave because he had to. He never wanted to leave. And then I feel relieved. I am not alone. I am never alone. Though he is far away, he is here to stay. Though he is far apart, he is here in my heart. He is here with me. And I am there with him.

You are not alone, I am here with you. Though you’re far away, I am here to stay. You are not alone, I am here with you. Though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart.” –Michael Jackson, You Are Not Alone




Another day has gone, I’m still all alone, how could this be? You’re not here with me
You never said goodbye, someone tell me why did you have to go and leave my world so cold?
Every day I sit and ask myself, how did love slip away? Something whispers in my ear and says

That you are not alone, I am here with you, though you’re far away, I am here to stay
But you are not alone, I am here with you, though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart
But you are not alone, ‘lone, ‘lone, why, ‘lone

Just the other night, I thought I heard you cry, asking me to come and hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers, your burdens I will bear, but first I need your hand, then forever can begin
Every day I sit and ask myself, how did love slip away? Something whispers in my ear and says

That you are not alone, I am here with you, though you’re far away, I am here to stay
You are not alone, I am here with you, though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart
You are not alone

Whisper three words and I’ll come running, and girl you know that I’ll be there, I’ll be there

You are not alone, I am here with you, though you’re far away, I am here to stay
You are not alone, I am here with you, though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart
You are not alone, I am here with you, though you’re far away, I am here to stay
You are not alone, I am here with you, though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart
For you are not alone, not alone ohh, you are not alone, you are not alone
Say it again, you are not alone, you are not alone, not alone, not alone
If you just reach out for me girl, in the morning, in the evening, not alone, not alone
You and me not alone, oh together together, not not being alone, not not being alone

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