I Will Always Love You

Monday, June 12, 2017



It has been a week plus two days since he left. And yes, I am still counting. And yes, I still cannot stop listening to my “loneliness mixtape” playlist. However, I also feel a little bit better; only a little bit, though. Somehow, my strength came from one thing: acceptance. It is the first and also the hardest part: to accept the fact that some things have changed and are different now, though not everything is entirely different. I have to accept the fact that he is not here beside me anymore, but I also have to accept the fact that our relationship is still going on. I have to accept the fact that he is far away from me now, but I also have to accept the fact that he is still my beloved partner and my one and only significant other. I have to accept the fact that for the present time and I do not know until when, he does not belong here with me; that he currently belongs to be somewhere else far from here. I have to accept the fact that what he needs in the present time is to be presence in that faraway place from here; that he currently is needed to be there. From this acceptance, I begin to have faith again. I will always love him. And this current condition will not change a thing about that.

If I should stay, I would only be in your way. So I’ll go, but I know I’ll think of you every step of the way. And I will always love you.” –Whitney Houston, I Will Always Love You

This song is a part of my “loneliness mixtape”. Though it is indeed a sad song, somehow listening to it gives me some kind of strength to hold on. It is titled “I Will Always Love You”. This song was originally written and recorded in 1973 by American singer-songwriter, Dolly Parton. Her country version of the track was released in 1974 as a single and was written as a farewell to her one-time partner and mentor of seven years, Porter Wagoner, following Parton’s decision to pursue a solo career. Though Parton’s version of the song was a commercial success, the next generation (and I am a part of this next generation) acknowledges “I Will Always Love You” as the signature song of the late Whitney Houston, who recorded her version of the song for the 1992 film “The Bodyguard”. The single was released on November 3rd 1992 as the first single taken from the album “The Bodyguard: Original Soundtrack Album”. Houston’s version was a massive worldwide success. Her single spent 14 weeks at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, making it one of the best-selling singles of all time. In February 2014, the song was places at number six on Billboard’s list of the Top 50 Love Songs of All Time. Lyrically, “I Will Always Love You” depicts a separation of a man and a woman; a separation that is full of respect because of the initiative of the woman. Well, it is hitting home, isn’t it?


"I Will Always Love You" single cover by Whitney Houston | source: en.wikipedia.org

If I ever learned something from my love life in this whole 27 years of my life, I have learned that ‘letting go’ is indeed the most fucked up thing to do. However, fucked up things mostly are the right things to do. And sadly, the right thing to do is mostly the hardest thing to do. That is why it is fucked up, because it is hard as hell. At some point in our life, someone we hold most dear must leave us for whatever reason. It could be that they have to study abroad. It could be that they have to move to different town. It could be that they have to work at different countries. It could be that they go to pursue their own dreams. It could be that they go to fulfill their family’s wishes. It could be that they go to grant their parents’ hopes. This is when the love is tested. If we really love that person sincerely, we would let them go anyway, right? As much as we love them, we do not want to be the Achilles heels that hold him back. “If I should stay, I would only be in your way. So I’ll go, but I know I’ll think of you every step of the way. And I will always love you.”
When we truly love someone sincerely, we would let them go if they really have to go. As much as we love them, we do not want to be someone who is a burden that strangles them. As much as we love them, we do not want to be someone who is a hurdle that shackles them. As much as we love them, we do not want to be someone who prevents them to do the right thing, even if the right thing means taking them away from us. As much as we love them, we do not want to be someone who forbids them to do the thing they need to do, even if it means they have to leave us. When we know that being in here with us is not what they need right now, as much as we love them, we would let them go to achieve what they need. After all of that, what else can we do but cherishing all the memories we have made together with them? After all, that person is the irreplaceable one we cherish the most. “Bittersweet memories; that is all I’m taking with me. So goodbye, please don’t cry, we both know I’m not what you need. And I will always love you.”
When we love someone sincerely, even though they leave us eventually, we would wish all the happiness in the world for them anyway. When we love someone sincerely, we will not have the heart to stand in their way. When we love someone sincerely, we will not have the conscience to obtrude or enforce our will. When we love someone sincerely, we will sincerely wish them to live their life happily. Even when the life gets hard and rough, we sincerely hope that life will treat them kind. Even when dreams seem to be shattered and all over the place, we sincerely hope that their dream will eventually come true. Even when there is sadness and pain, we sincerely hope that they will achieve joy and happiness. Even when they are not with us, we sincerely hope that they will find love. And it all will never change the fact that we love them all the same, always. “I hope life treats you kind, and I hope you have all you’ve dreamed of. And I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this I wish you love. And I will always love you. I will always love you.”


"I Will Always Love You" single cover by Dolly Parton | source: en.wikipedia.org

Lately when the dark side of me takes over, I feel some glimmer of rage. I feel sad and disappointed toward him, but mostly what I feel is anger. I’m angry that he left me. I’m angry that he chose to leave me. At a moment like that, I feel so worthless and unwanted; because in the end, he leaves me anyway. Even giving all of me for these years eventually cannot make him stay. However, soon when the dark side leaves, I come to the light that it is all neither his nor my fault. I realize, and I actually know it all too well, that leaving is against his will. He does not want to leave, but he has to. He has to do it because he must; because it is the right thing to do for now. He never wanted to leave. He always wants to stay; here with me. However, as a good partner I must let him go to do the right thing he has to do, even if it takes him away from me. Nonetheless, it will never change one thing: I love him, still and will always do. He is my anchor. No matter how far, my heart will always belong to him. No matter how far, my heart will always run toward him.

I hope life treats you kind, and I hope you have all you’ve dreamed of. And I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this I wish you love.” –Whitney Houston, I Will Always Love You




If I should stay, I would only be in your way
So I’ll go, but I know I’ll think of you every step of the way
And I will always love you, ooh, will always love you, you, my darling, you, hmmm mmm

Bittersweet memories, that is all I’m taking with me
So goodbye, please don’t cry, we both know I’m not what you, you need
And I will always love you, I will always love you, you, ooh

I hope life treats you kind, and I hope you have all you’ve dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this I wish you love
And I will always love you, I will always love you
I will always love you, I will always love you
I will always love you, I, I will always love you
You, darling, I love you, I’ll always, I’ll always love you, ooh, ooh

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