Wish

Friday, February 10, 2017



Have you ever felt lost and empty inside; realizing what you used to have, you don’t have it anymore? Have you ever felt lost and empty inside; realizing the person who used to be by your side, isn’t there anymore? Have you ever felt lost and empty inside; realizing the feeling you used to feel, you can’t feel it anymore? Have you ever felt lost and empty inside; realizing something that used to be there, isn’t there anymore? It makes you wonder, how can love change just like that? It makes you wonder, how can love just disappear like that? It makes you wonder, does love really change? It makes you wonder, does love really disappear? Those wonders are hanging in the air, as you are mindlessly looking at the sky. Those wonders are hanging in the air, as you are dumbfounded staring at the raindrops that fall upon your window. Those wonders are hanging in the air, as you are blankly seeing at the empty room around you. In the end, you can only wishing that you weren’t in love in the first place, though that’s a useless wish.

I’m blaming myself and laughing at myself, as I’m becoming more and more miserable with my pathetic self without you. I really want you, but when I cannot expect for you anymore, in front of these countless emotions, what should I do? One day, two days, a week has passed now, time goes on, but I just keep on staring at the sky, without any thoughts.” –Urban Zakapa, Wish (소원)

The song’s lyric I would like to talk about today is a perfect track to accompany your heartbroken days and nights. This is a song titled “Wish (소원)”, performed by Korean vocals trio, Urban Zakapa. This melancholic pop ballad track was recorded for the original soundtrack of a phenomenal Korean drama series, “Goblin”, or also known as “Guardian: The Lonely and Great God”. It was released on January 8th 2017 as single album, “Goblin OST Part 10”. The official accompany music video was premiered on Mnet, two days prior the single on January 6th 2017. The track was composed, written, and produced by Urban Zakapa’s member, Park Yong In. The talented trio is singing a song about trying to accept being separated from the one you love. Their voices are immensely soothing and beautiful, portraying a myriad of emotions felt through the love shared between the two lead characters in “Goblin”. This song currently feels as the soundtrack of my love life since I feel so related with the lyrics right now.


"Goblin OST Part 10" single album cover | source: wiki.d-addicts.com

Have you ever felt lost and empty inside; realizing something that used to be there, isn’t there anymore? You are undergoing your same old daily routines. You get up in the morning, making hot tea or coffee to help you start the day. You take a bath and go for work. However when you come home in the end of the day, something feels different. Something is missing. Something feels lost. And strangely, it causes you pain; a deep pain inside your heart. It affects you physically. You can barely eat. You can hardly breathe. You got severe headache at night, and no matter how many painkillers you’ve eaten, the pain won’t go away. You feel suffocated by the pain. And you keep asking yourself whether you can survive. That’s what happens when you’re heartbroken. “At the end of an exhausting day, strangely I feel an unfamiliar feeling when I get back home. A strange dizziness, an unknown suffocation, will I be okay as it is now? One day, two days, a week has passed now, time goes on, but I just keep on staring at the sky, like a mindless person.”
Have you ever felt lost and empty inside; realizing the person who used to be by your side, isn’t there anymore? You keep on feeling that you’re the one to blame with all that has happened. The pain and suffering from blaming yourself are drowning you into a miserable desperation. You become devastated each days. There are myriad of emotions inside your heart and mind but you cannot express it. You repress it and you keep on repressing it until it becomes a depression. You are frustrated. You do not have any idea what you should do with that. You are lost in suffering frustration and devastating pain. And you keep asking yourself what to do. That’s what happens when you’re heartbroken. “I’m blaming myself and laughing at myself, as I’m becoming more and more miserable with my pathetic self without you. I really want you, but when I cannot expect for you anymore, in front of these countless emotions, what should I do? One day, two days, a week has passed now, time goes on, but I just keep on staring at the sky, without any thoughts.”
Have you ever felt lost and empty inside; realizing what you used to have, you don’t have it anymore? Have you ever felt lost and empty inside; realizing the feeling you used to feel, you can’t feel it anymore? That is what you feel when you are heartbroken. No matter how many tears you have shed, you keep on longing for that person, desperately. No matter how hard you have tried to forget, you keep on reminiscing, miserably. You keep on wondering whether that person feels the same way too right now. You keep on wishing that the pathetic feeling will go away soon. You keep on wishing that you will be alright soon. Though you know that those are useless wishes, you keep doing it anyway, since it is the only way you could keep your sanity. Though you know at some point, you have lost your sanity when you lost that person. “I miss you and I miss you again, even when I close my wet eyes, I keep on thinking about you; do you feel the same way? I just wish that I would not love you anymore, even if it’s a useless desire, I keep doing it anyway.”


A sad scene from "Goblin" | source: www.allkpop.com

I feel lost and empty right now. Everything seems pointless at this point. I cannot get through to my significant other; perhaps I’ve already lost him somewhere along the way. I cannot reach his heart; perhaps I’ve already got off track with him somewhere along the line. How can love change just like that? How can love just disappear like that? I keep on asking those questions to myself. For me, love doesn’t change. For me, love doesn’t disappear. Where did we go wrong? What did we do wrong? How did it go wrong? I cannot help but being frustrated by trying to figure out everything that has happened between us. I cannot help but being devastated by trying to talk it out with him. Did I lose my love for someone better? Did he just throw me away since I’m no longer attractive? Did he just throw me away since I’m no longer useful? That is just what happpens when I am heartbroken. Sadly, though I know that I am heartbroken, it cannot stop myself from loving him. Though I know that I am heartbroken, it cannot stop myself from longing for him. Though I know that I am heartbroken, it cannot stop myself from waiting for him. Even my wish of not wanting to love you anymore is a useless wish, but I keep wishing it anyway.

I miss you and I miss you again, even when I close my wet eyes, I keep on thinking about you, do you feel the same way? I just wish that I would not love you anymore, even if it’s a useless desire, I keep doing it anyway.” –Urban Zakapa, Wish (소원)



지친 하루를 마치고 집에 돌아왔을때 이상하게 낯선 기분
(Jichin harureul machigo jibe dorawasseulttae isanghage naccseon gibun)
((At the end of an exhausting day, strangely I feel an unfamiliar feeling when I get back home))
뭔지모를 어지러움과 없는 답답함 지금 이대로도 괜찮을까
(Mwonjimoreul eojireoumgwa al su eopsneun i dapdapham jigeum idaerodo gwaenchanheulkka)
((A strange dizziness, an unknown suffocation, will I be okay as it is now?))
하루이틀 지나 일주일 시간은 흐르는데 나는 하늘만 보네 아무 생각없는 사람처럼
(Haruiteul jina iljuil siganeun heureuneunde naneun haneulman bone amu saenggakeopsneun saramcheoreom)
((One day, two days, a week has passed now, time goes on, but I just keep on staring at the sky, like a mindless person))

스스로 나를 자책하고 비웃으며 있자니 점점 비참해지는 너없이 초라한
(Seuseuro nareul jachaekhago biuseumyeo issjani jeomjeom bichamhaejineun neoeopsi chorahan na)
((I’m blaming myself and laughing at myself, as I’m becoming more and more miserable with my pathetic self without you))
너를 간절히 원하지만 기대할 없을 수많은 감정앞에 해야할까
(Neoreul ganjeolhi wonhajiman deo gidaehal su eopseul ttae sumanheun gamjeongape mwol haeyahalkka)
((I really want you, but when I cannot expect for you anymore, in front of these countless emotions, what should I do?))
하루이틀 지나 일주일 시간은 흐르는데 나는 하늘만 보네 아무 생각없이
(Haruiteul jina iljuil siganeun heureuneunde naneun haneulman bone amu saenggakeopsi)
((One day, two days, a week has passed now, time goes on, but I just keep on staring at the sky, without any thoughts))

그리워 니가 그리워 젖은 눈을 감아도 자꾸 니가 생각나 너도 나와 같은 기분일까
(Geuriwo niga tto geuriwo jeojeun nuneul gamado jakku niga saenggakna neodo nawa gateun gibunilkka)
((I miss you and I miss you again, even when I close my wet eyes, I keep on thinking about you, do you feel the same way?))
사랑하고 싶지 않다는 소원만큼이나 부질없는 바램 자꾸 하게
(Neol saranghago sipji anhdaneun sowonmankeumina bujileopsneun baraem nan jakku hage dwae)
((I just wish that I would not love you anymore, even if it’s a useless desire, I keep doing it anyway))

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