Words

Sunday, December 04, 2016



Is there any couple out there who never had arguments? Is there any couple out there who never had fights? I guess every couple has ever had arguments and fights. People say that every couple needs to argue now and then; just to prove the relationship is strong enough to survive. Indeed, we know that it is a true love when we have the worst argument with someone and realize we would rather have that argument with them than not having them in your life. Hence, when we survive the arguments by finding a consensus for the relationship, that is when we know the relationship is working. We cannot have a relationship without any fights. However, we can make our relationship worth the fight. The essence of having a real relationship lies in how we deal with problems, by arguing over them, by fighting them off, rather than just leaving it hanging in the air without any conversation of them. Dealing with problems, arguments, fights, and conversations involves words. And words, just like what Jean-Paul Sartre once said, are loaded pistols. Words are more treacherous and powerful than we think. Words can make you happy or words can make you sad. The arguments are nothing; they are just words. And words are holding a significant role in a relationship. Through words, feelings are spoken. And a successful relationship is the relationship in which conflicts are successfully resolved; through words, most of the times.

Smile an everlasting smile; a smile can bring you near to me. Don’t ever let me find you gone, ‘cause that would bring a tear to me.” –The Bee Gees, Words

Every time I have an argument with my partner, this one song crosses my mind. It is because there was a time when we had a fight one night, and then the next morning we heard this song was playing on a restaurant when we were stuck in an awkward silence during the breakfast. This song is called “Words”, originally performed by The Bee Gees. As one of the 90-ers, of course I used to know that Boyzone was the one who popularized this song. Later on then I discovered that it was released as a single on January 1968 by The Bee Gees, written for a movie called “The Mini-Affair” (in England, the movie was titled “The Mini Mob”). The pop track was written by Barry, Robin, and Maurice Gibb. On October 2nd 1996, a cover version by Irish boy band Boyzone was released as the first single taken from their second studio album, “A Different Beat”, which was later released on October 28th 1996. Maurice Gibb of The Bee Gees declared that it is the best ever cover of the band’s song. Robin Gibb said that “Words” reflects a mood; and it was written after an argument. And they realized that an argument was never about the argument itself; it was about the words being said during and after the argument.

"Words" single cover by The Bee Gees | source: en.wikipedia.org

Smile is not only the beginning of love, but also the thing that can bring comfort for someone. After having a hard, emotionally-drenching, and rough argument with our significant other, it is great to give away a smile towards them. Harsh words are inevitable when we are arguing with our partner. Mean words are unavoidable when we are fighting with our partner. However, after those words are being said, give a smile to them; since we do not judge the people we love, just like what Sartre once said. If we truly love someone, we have an argument with them not to judge them, but to find a solution instead. “Smile an everlasting smile; a smile can bring you near to me. Don’t ever let me find you gone, ‘cause that would bring a tear to me.” Since we have the argument to find a solution, leaving is not the best choice at all. In contrast of a smile, leaving our partner after an argument would bring misery for both of us. “Talk, in everlasting words, and dedicate them all to me. And I will give you all my life; I’m here if you should call to me.”
Everyone needs time on their own, moreover in a situation where they’ve just had an argument. However, being alone for too long won’t solve anything. It would make it worse instead. And that’s not healthy for a relationship. Staying, no matter how hard it is, is the best choice. When an argument breaks out, some parts of relationship are crumbled. And what a mature relationship would do is deconstructing itself. “This world has lost its glory; let’s start a brand new story now, my love. Right now, there’ll be no other time; and I can show you how, my love.” Having a fight and argument doesn’t mean that a relationship is broken; it is the time to deconstruct it into a better version instead. However, that would only happen when both parties are speaking with same language, reading the same page, and having a same frequency, unless, it would not work; because only after the deconstruction that a reconstruction could begin. “You think that I don’t even mean a single word I say. It’s only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away.”
If we truly love someone, we naturally offer everything we have for them. If we love someone for real, we willingly give anything we have for them. If we sincerely love someone, we would do all it takes to be with them. Even when we have nothing but words, that doesn’t mean that those words are just emptiness. Words are an hopeless expression of someone who has nothing to give but their feelings, since feelings are spoken through words. However, people say that words will have more meaning if they are followed with actions. They say that without actions, words would be meaningless. For me personally, that statement got some point. Words and actions should walk hand-in-hand. From my point of view, actions would be meaningless without words, too. Since everyone’s could have different interpretation towards a same action, therefore words are important to define the meaning of the action. We should all be careful with words, though. Never say a word unless you really mean it.

"Words" single cover by Boyzone | source: en.wikipedia.org

It is natural for people to wish for love that never breaks or crumble, but of which stays intact and stable. However, by staying intact and stable, is that meaning that the love is an everlasting love? In fact, intimacy, closeness, and love are enhanced through the resolution of conflicts. Couples become closer to each other when they have conflicts and work through them successfully because conflicts will always arise. They are an opportunity for intimacy, self-knowledge, and a greater connection. I got that from Stefan Molyneux. He got the point though. Stability will lead us to a stagnant condition, and in a relationship, it could be a time bomb that can explode at some point and destruct everything; because in stability, people actually build nothing but pseudo-happiness. And pseudo-happiness will eventually lead us to emptiness. On the other hand, conflicts will force people to reflect and contemplate themselves. Conflicts will make people converse. Conflicts will enhance intimacy, only and only if, we communicate.

This world has lost its glory; let’s start a brand new story now, my love. Right now, there’ll be no other time, and I can show you how, my love.” –The Bee Gees, Words




Smile an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me
Don’t ever let me find you gone, ‘cause that would bring a tear to me
This world has lost its glory, let’s start a brand new story now, my love
Right now, there’ll be no other time, and I can show you how, my love
Talk, in everlasting words, and dedicate them all, to me
And I will give you all my life, I’m here if you should call to me

You think that I don’t even mean a single word I say
It’s only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away

Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da

You think that I don’t even mean a single word I say
It’s only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away
It’s only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away

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