Not Loving You

Friday, December 02, 2016




I feel so concerned and disappointed looking at how many people are trapped in superficiality nowadays. It feels so horrible to see how people value everything with attributions and status. It feels so terrible to see how people define themselves and one another by material achievement and social recognition. Rather than superficiality, should it be sincerity that is more important? Rather than attributes and status, should it be self-actualization that is more valuable? Rather than material achievement and social recognition, should it be intellectual enlightenment and social contribution that is more definitive? It is so sad to see how some people are being trapped in a relationship they actually do not want to have, just because in order to fulfill the attribute, status, material achievement, and social recognition. Those all are superficial. And it is so pathetic to see how those people are trapped in a superficial relationship. Jean-Paul Sartre once said that being human means becoming conscious, free to have imaginations, free to make a choice and be responsible for their own lives. We are free to make a choice. And when we realize that we are being in a superficial relationship, we are free to choose to leave.

I don’t love you, I’m sure you already know somehow. Even when I see your shedding tears, my heart doesn’t ache anymore.” –Urban Zakapa, I Don’t Love You ( 사랑하지 않아)

This time I would like to talk about a couple who were trapped in a superficial relationship. In this couple, it could be that both of them realized they were both trapped in it and tried to end the relationship; or in other way, it could be that only one of them realized it and decided to end the relationship one-sidedly. Separation hurts, indeed, but there would be fewer conflicts in the first scenario, since they are both feeling the same and agree to end the relationship up. On the other hand, the second scenario would make more conflicts, since the other one who didn’t realize they were trapped in superficial relationship would feel offended with the fact that their partner is breaking up with them. I would like to talk about all of it through a song titled “I Don’t Love You ( 사랑하지 않아)”, performed by Korean R n’ B trio, Urban Zakapa. It was released as the lead single taken from the group’s fifth extended play, “STILL”, which was released on May 27th 2016. This ballad track was written and composed by one of the group’s members, Kwon Soon Il. The music was arranged by Kwon along with Hwang Jun Ik. An official music video, starred actor Yoo Seung Ho and model Lee Ho Jung, was premiered on MBC Music on May 25th 2016.


"STILL" extended play cover | source: kpopscene.com

“I Don’t Love You ( 사랑하지 않아)” frankly speaks about separation that is caused a harsh but true reality: they don’t love each other anymore. Well, I wish the case was that easy. Actually, most of the time, it is only one of the two who doesn’t love their partner anymore. Hence, then come the problems: how to say it to their partner? Where do they have to start the emotionally-cost conversation? What words should they pick to say to their partner? ”What should I say? Where do I start? How should I? I’m only hanging my head down as you’re looking at me in this awkward silence.” They know that they should end the relationship. They understand that it is because they don’t love their partner anymore. Though they’re aware that their partner already knows, they don’t think that their partner will understand it right away. However, nothing can change their heart, not ever their partner’s tears. “I don’t love you, I’m sure you already know somehow. Even when I see your shedding tears, my heart doesn’t ache anymore.”
It may sounds too cruel, but the only rational reason for a breakup is the fact that the love isn’t there anymore. Sorry not sorry, but they’re not even feeling sorry, moreover the need to be forgiven. Why should we be sorry for the feeling we have? As much as it is the true feeling, they don’t have the heart to apologize, since they know it will eventually hurt their partner anyway. “I don’t love you, there’s no other reason. The words of “I’m sorry” or “forgive me”, I don’t even want to say them.” At some point, love fades away. That is the hard reality we all must accept. However, it takes courage to be able to speak it up. It takes bravery to be able to say it. It takes a very tough heart to be able to make a decision. It takes a lot of power to be able to end the relationship. And the most important thing is that it takes sincerity to be able to tell the truth. “It’s just that’s all. This is how I really feel. I don’t love you. I don’t love you.” It is not an easy thing to do to walk out of a relationship that doesn’t work out anymore. It is a difficult thing to do to end a relationship that has become superficial. The right thing to do is the hardest, most of the times.


Yoo Seung Ho in "I Don't Love You" music video | source: 1theK

I believe that every relationship begins with love. As the time goes by, we will know our partner more and more. The more we know them, the more we understand them. The more we understand them, the more we know whether the relationship can really work out or not. The more we understand them, the more we know our partner’s characters and perspectives; whether we read the same pages or not, speak the same language or not, and have the same frequency or not. And at some point we will realize what kind of person they really are. And when at that point the love is fading, then we realize that we just don’t belong together. After that, the choice is up to us.
In the music video, Yoo Seung Ho decides to stay, despite knowing that he doesn’t love Lee Ho Jung anymore. He’s willingly trapped himself in the superficial relationship. My current partner was doing the same with his ex-girlfriend before me. He knew that he didn’t love her anymore, but his heart didn’t want to admit what his mind already knew. However, just like the song lyrics, he finally ended it up. He made up his mind. He made his decision. He chose. It was neither his fault nor his ex-girlfriend’s fault. It was their relationship. And it was just a simple yet hurtful yet sincere fact that he doesn’t love her. No one there was to blame. How am I able to say that? It is because I had been in the same position as the ex-girlfriend some years ago.
It took me years before I can finally be able to understand. It was not my ex-boyfriend’s fault. It was not my fault. It was not even his new girl’s fault. It was just our relationship. It was just that he didn’t love me anymore. At first, of course, it was so hard for me to accept that fact; it was the denial, the self-rejection, and the insecurities. However, as time passes by, and as I take a look back at what I’ve been through, now I can understand. Our relationship we had back then had become superficial at some point. Sadly I was the one who was not able to sense it. I was too shallow and too full of myself. And there was nothing but my own ego that caused me the pain. Now I understand. My ex-boyfriend was the sincere one. He was the one with the guts to end that superficial relationship; and I am thankful for that. I got so much to learn; and now I understand completely what and how it feels to forgive myself.


Yoo Seung Ho and Lee Ho Jung in "I Don't Love You" music video | source: 1theK

“I Don’t Love You ( 사랑하지 않아)” is a heartbreaking farewell song. Though the song may sounds too cruel, it is actually a realistic farewell song. There is indeed no other rational reason why people decide to break up but the fact they do not love their partner anymore. It is an ugly truth, I know. It is a brutal honesty, I know. But for me personally, truth and honesty, no matter how ugly and brutal and hurtful they are, it is still a lot better than a lie. A lie is still a lie, no matter how beautiful and nice and joyful it is; in the end, it would hurt us anyway. So, yes, I do still prefer the truth. And yes, I would still go for the honesty. And the most important thing of all, no matter how heartbreaking it is, it is the sincerity that matters. A lie is still a lie; there is no sincerity in it, only an ego. On the other hand, truth is sincerity, no matter how ugly it is. If you don’t love your partner anymore, be brave to say it. If your partner breaks up on you, don’t blame anyone; it is not that they are in love with somebody else; it is just that they don’t love you anymore, so accept it. Maturity is defined by how we are able to understand not only ourselves but also other people’s feeling and thought. I hope that we all can be not only an educated person but also an enlightened person. This world doesn’t revolve around your own self; open your eyes and heart and the very least you can do is trying to put your feet on somebody else’s shoes, then you will be able to try to understand and see things beyond superficiality.

I don’t love you, there’s no other reason. The words of “I’m sorry” or “forgive me”, I don’t even want to say them.” –Urban Zakapa, I Don’t Love You ( 사랑하지 않아)




무슨 말을 할까 어디서부터 어떻게
(Museun mareul halkka eodiseobuteo eotteohge)
((What should I say? Where do I start? How should I?))
고개만 떨구는 그런 바라보는 어색한 침묵
(Gogaeman tteolguneun na geureon nal baraboneun neo geu eosaekhan chimmuk)
((I’m only hanging my head down as you’re looking at me in this awkward silence))
사랑하지 않아 너도 알고 있겠지만
(Neol saranghaji anha neodo algo issgessjiman)
((I don’t love you, I’m sure you already know somehow))
눈물 흘리는 너의 모습에도 마음 아프지가 않아
(Nunmul heullineun neoui moseubedo nae maeum apeujiga anha)
((Even when I see your shedding tears, my heart doesn’t ache anymore))
사랑하지 않아 다른 이유는 없어
(Neol saranghaji anha dareun iyuneun eopseo)
((I don’t love you, there’s no other reason))
미안하다는 말도 용서해 달란 말도 하고 싶지 않아
(Mianhadaneun maldo yongseohae dallan maldo hago sipji anha)
((The words of “I’m sorry” or “forgive me”, I don’t even want to say them))
그냥 그게 전부야 이게 진심인 거야
(Geunyang geuge jeonbuya ige nae jinsimin geoya)
((It’s just that’s all, this is how I really feel))
사랑하지 않아 사랑하지 않아
(Neol saranghaji anha neol saranghaji anha)
((I don’t love you, I don’t love you))

사랑하지 않아 너도 알고 있겠지만
(Neol saranghaji anha neodo algo issgessjiman)
((I don’t love you, I’m sure you already know somehow))
눈물 흘리는 너의 모습에도 마음 아프지가 않아
(Nunmul heullineun neoui moseubedo nae maeum apeujiga anha)
((Even when I see your shedding tears, my heart doesn’t ache anymore))
사랑하지 않아 다른 이유는 없어
(Neol saranghaji anha dareun iyuneun eopseo)
((I don’t love you, there’s no other reason))
미안하다는 말도 용서해 달란 말도 하고 싶지 않아
(Mianhadaneun maldo yongseohae dallan maldo hago sipji anha)
((The words of “I’m sorry” or “forgive me”, I don’t even want to say them))
그냥 그게 전부야 이게 진심인 거야
(Geunyang geuge jeonbuya ige nae jinsimin geoya)
((It’s just that’s all, this is how I really feel))
사랑하지 않아 사랑하지 않아
(Neol saranghaji anha neol saranghaji anha)
((I don’t love you, I don’t love you))

사랑하지 않아 다른 이유는 없어
(Neol saranghaji anha dareun iyuneun eopseo)
((I don’t love you, there’s no other reason))
미안하다는 말도 용서해 달란 말도 하고 싶지 않아
(Mianhadaneun maldo yongseohae dallan maldo hago sipji anha)
((The words of “I’m sorry” or “forgive me”, I don’t even want to say them))
그냥 그게 전부야 이게 진심인 거야
(Geunyang geuge jeonbuya ige nae jinsimin geoya)
((It’s just that’s all, this is how I really feel))
사랑하지 않아 사랑하지 않아
(Neol saranghaji anha neol saranghaji anha)
((I don’t love you, I don’t love you))

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