If Only I Were Not

Thursday, December 22, 2016



This universe works in a funny way. In life, some people are destined to meet but not fall in love, while some other meet and fall in love, sometimes in a truly, madly, and deeply way. Some people are destined to fall in love and end up being together anyway, while some other fall in love but never have the chance to be together. Some people have it the smooth and clear way; they meet, fall in love, and being together forever and happily ever after. Meanwhile, some other people have it the rough and hard way; they meet, fall in love, split up, have their heart broken, and keep repeating the same cycle with some different people. There are also some people who meet, fall in love, and never have the chance to confess, while some other meet, fall in love, confess, and end up being an unrequited feeling. Some people’s relationships are meant to be broken, while some other are meant to be forever. Some people are meant to fall in love, but some of them meet at the wrong time. Some people are meant to be together, but some of them fall for the wrong person. Once upon a time there was a woman and a man who played with fire. They were destined to meet, but were they destined to fall in love and be together? Did they meet at the right time? Did both of them meet the right person? Only God knows.

It is true that I was wrong for not appreciating your feeling and breaking your love. When I remember you, your scent that embraced my breath and gave me warmth, the brightness of thousand stars can never be compared to the beauty of your presence. And I will never allow your light to be fading away because of me and of my arrogance.” –GIGI, Andai (If)

This is a song performed by one of Indonesian reputable pop rock bands, GIGI, titled “Andai (If)”. It was released in August 2002 as the promotional single for the band’s ninth studio album, “The Best of Gigi”. The album itself was released two months prior to the single on June 2002. The pop rock track with medium tempo was written, composed, and arranged by GIGI. The lyrics told the story about a man who left his mistress since he felt guilty for making her as his second priority.


"The Best of Gigi" album cover | source: id.wikipedia.org

This song is told from a man’s point of view. However, in the context of my writings here I would like to turn it into a woman’s point of view; because, yeah, infidelity does not always belong to men. Women can be unfaithful too at times. And since I am a woman, I think I can relate more with women’s feelings rather than men’s. Therefore I would like to speak from a woman’s point of view. Well, let’s start with the first sentence of this song’s lyrics, “It is true that I was wrong for not appreciating your feeling and breaking your love.” Some people are destined to meet, and I believe that the universe always brings two people together at the right time and place. However, though some people are destined to fall in love, some of them do not always fall in love at the right time or with the right person. There are times when someone else comes in the picture when we already have a significant other. Hence, can we fall in love with two people at the same time? I believe everyone has their own arguments about this.
All I know is that every human has a big heart enough for more than one person in it. However, when it comes to a romance relationship, one big heart can never be enough to be shared between two people or more. When we make a room for another person rather than our partner to come into our heart, then the fault is in us from the beginning, since we will never be able to be fair in dividing a heart. We will eventually break someone’s heart; and actually, both of their hearts. “When I remember you, your scent that embraced my breath and gave me warmth, the brightness of thousand stars can never be compared to the beauty of your presence.” That other person’s presence is filling some spots that being left empty by our partner; that is true. Since if that is not the case, then we would not let that person to come in the beginning. They embrace us and give us warmth –love us– in a way that our partner doesn’t. “And I will never allow your light to be fading away because of me and of my arrogance.”
In the end, no matter how hard we try to love that person back, we can never fulfill them. We can never give our heart as a whole one. We can never be fully theirs; and they can never be truly ours. Eventually, it will only cause us all nothing but pain and guilt. “If only I were not throwing you away, making you the second of my love. Don’t let this culpability of mine makes you hate me forever and kill me.” No, it is not about the regret of meeting and loving that person; it is more about contemplating on how letting that person in is the mistake in the first place. When we let someone else to come in when we already have a partner, it is actually not love but just a mere ego. Why did we even make that person as our other person when we actually know that they deserve more? Why did we even make that person as our second priority when we really understand that we can never make them as our first? The fault is in us. And all that is left in the end is a guilt that comes from a sadness of causing pain for that person.


GIGI band | source: lyricstunes.net

I know it all too well, the feeling of meeting someone so familiar we are easy to be attracted and sympathize with rather than our partner. I understand it all too well, the excitement of knowing and getting connected to someone new rather than our partner. I know it all too well; the pleasure of receiving and giving attention toward someone else rather than our partner. I understand it all too well, the thrill of chasing and being chased by someone else rather than our partner. However, it all comes down to our own ego. When we truly care for someone, then we cherish them. When we really love someone, then we appreciate them. Anyhow, people learn from mistakes. Mistakes allow ourselves to face our demons, discover our darkest fears, and learn to love every single flaw we have. And that’s what makes life is worth living for. I made mistakes. And I can understand when people whom I made mistakes with are no longer being able to talk to me anymore. I can understand when they neglect me, since I also understand that apologizing won’t be enough after all that I’ve done to them. Heartbreak, in the end, is life experience.

If only I were not throwing you away, making you the second of my love. Don’t let this culpability of mine makes you hate me forever and kill me.” –GIGI, Andai (If)




Memang benar ‘ku salah tak menghargai perasaanmu dan menghancurkan rasa cintamu
(It is true that I was wrong for not appreciating your feeling and breaking your love)
Saat kuingat dirimu, harummu yang memeluk nafasku dan memberikanku kehangatan
(When I remember you, your scent that embraced my breath and gave me warmth)
Terangnya seribu bintang tak dapat menyamai cahaya keindahanmu dari wujudmu
(The brightness of thousand stars can never be compared to the beauty of your presence)
Dan aku tak mengizinkan cahayamu redup karenaku dan atas kesombonganku
(And I will never allow your light to be fading away because of me and of my arrogance)

Andai ‘ku tak membuang dirimu, menjadikan yang kedua atas cintaku
(If only I were not throwing you away, making you the second of my love)
Janganlah keterpurukanku ini membuat kau membenciku selamanya dan membunuhku
(Don’t let this culpability of mine makes you hate me forever and kill me)
Andai ‘ku tak membuang dirimu, menjadikan yang kedua atas cintaku
(If only I were not throwing you away, making you the second of my love)
Janganlah keterpurukanku ini membuat kau membenciku selamanya dan membunuhku
(Don’t let this culpability of mine makes you hate me forever and kill me)

Andai ‘ku tak membuang dirimu, menjadikan yang kedua atas cintaku
(If only I were not throwing you away, making you the second of my love)
Janganlah keterpurukanku ini membuat kau membenciku selamanya dan membunuhku
(Don’t let this culpability of mine makes you hate me forever and kill me)
Andai ‘ku tak membuang dirimu, menjadikan yang kedua atas cintaku
(If only I were not throwing you away, making you the second of my love)
Janganlah keterpurukanku ini membuat kau membenciku selamanya dan membunuhku
(Don’t let this culpability of mine makes you hate me forever and kill me)

You Might Also Like

0 komentar