Broken Vow

Sunday, October 16, 2016




Faithful; what does it mean? How do we define it? What does it take for being faithful? How should people act to be considered as being faithful? What does it take for being unfaithful? How we define it? What kind of action is considered as being unfaithful? What are the boundaries? Faithful, according to Cambridge dictionary, means “if your husband, wife, or partner is faithful, he or she does not have a sexual relationship with anyone else”. Therefore, unfaithful (still according to Cambridge dictionary) means “having a sexual relationship or experience with a person who is not your husband, wife, or usual sexual partner”. Our society may have constructed what “faithful” is as what it is being commonly interpreted literally. However, what we find in the everyday life practically is most of the time different than it should be theoretically. The boundary between “faithful” and “unfaithful” itself has become blurry in this fucked-up liquid society we’re living in nowadays. Every couple makes their own definition of “faithful” and “unfaithful”. They redefine and create their own boundaries. They deconstruct and reconstruct it by themselves through negotiation and bending. However, no matter how settle their concept is, there is this feeling we can’t deny whenever it comes to love and affection: jealousy and insecurity.

Tell me her name, I want to know, the way she looks and where you go. I need to see her face, I need to understand why you and I came to an end. Tell me again, I want to hear, who broke my faith in all these years. Who lays with you at night when I’m here all alone, remembering when I was your own.” –Lara Fabian, Broken Vow

I actually wanted to write about this song since a long time ago. However, I always got too emotional while trying to do that. So, why now? Well, perhaps it’s just the time. “Broken Vow” is a song performed by Belgian female singer, Lara Fabian. It was released in November 29th 1999 in France as a part of her self-titled album. The album was later released worldwide in May 30th 2000. It was her fourth studio album as well as her first English album. The classical ballad track was written by Fabian herself along with Walter Afanasieff. Though it was not released as her promotional single from the album, the song gained wide popularity around the world and has since been recorded and performed by many other singers since then.


"Lara Fabian" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

Unfaithful; is a condition when you have a sexual relationship or experience with a person who is not your husband, wife, or usual sexual partner. When your partner is being unfaithful toward you, why do you feel hurt and betrayed? Perhaps, it’s because the society has constructed that we must feel that way whenever our partner is being unfaithful toward us. The ideal (heterosexual) relationship is between two people, without leaving any space in between for the third or fourth party. Moreover, when it comes to marriage, other romance relationship they have with other party aside from their legal partner is considered as an affair. “Tell me her name, I want to know, the way she looks and where you go. I need to see her face, I need to understand why you and I came to an end.” Every relationship is built on a commitment. So when the commitment is broken, so does the heart of people who are engaged in that relationship. “Tell me again, I want to hear, who broke my faith in all these years. Who lays with you at night when I’m here all alone, remembering when I was your own.”
For me personally, I have a very big insecurity regarding to trust and distrust issue. My family-story background and my love-life history have made me into this person who has a very low self-esteem, particularly regarding to myself being compared with other girls. My confidence is not that big enough to make me feel that I deserve love. I never become a priority for someone. I never been taught how to love and be loved. I learned it by myself and I learned it the hard way. “Tell me the words I never said, show me the tears you never shed. Give me the touch that one you promised to be mine, or has it vanished for all time.” For every pain that I got, I feel that it’s because of my own fault and mistakes; because I never feel good enough for anybody. For that, I always feel like everyone could throw me away like a trash, just like that, because I can be easily replaced by someone else who’s better and more than me. “I’ll let you go, I’ll let you fly, why do I keep asking why? I’ll let you go, now that I found a way to keep somehow, more than a broken vow.”
Reflecting on myself, regarding to why we feel hurt and betrayed when our partner is being unfaithful by breaking the commitment, it’s because of the self-rejection. Somehow, the truth just finds its way to me, and that thing is feeding my insecurity. What hurts the most is the fact that it just proves and makes me realize how insignificant I am for my partner. Again, it’s about self-doubt toward myself; that I’m not good enough to deserve love. “I close my eyes and dream of you and I and then I realize, there’s more to life than only bitterness and lies, I close my eyes. I’d give away my soul to hold you once again, and never let this promise end.” However, all of this thought is only coming from a woman, particularly the woman whose partner is being unfaithful toward her. Then again, in my case, after being devastated by all the fact that came to me, I try to come to my senses and rationalize everything; why it happened and all, and is it worthy enough to be brought on the surface? Because in the end, my partner doesn’t always think in the same perspective as I am.


"Lara Fabian" international version album cover | source: en.wikipedia.com

Therefore, I always try to read between the lines. I try to put my feet in his shoes. I try to analyze why he did that and understand his true motives. A man needs to fulfill his masculine identity. A man needs to feed his ego. And meeting someone else rather than his partner is most of the time a part to fulfill his masculine identity and feed his ego. That’s just the way of how this patriarchal world works. Most of the time, a man doesn’t see it as being unfaithful toward his partner. Sometimes, it doesn’t always mean that his partner is not enough or not that significant for him. It’s just that he needs to feel that he has the upper hand in the power relation between him and his partner. The society has constructed that, since we’re living in a patriarchal system. Yes, it hurts for the woman, but for the man, he doesn’t mean to hurt, especially when he is totally conscious that in the end he would go back to his partner, no matter with whom they spend the night with. Is it unfair? Yes, absolutely. But what can a woman do about that? Up until now, I’m still wondering. So, is the vow really being broken? That’s not an easy question to answer, of course. Sometimes, the less we know the better, because what makes it hurts is the fact that we know and figure out the truth. Most of the time, for me personally, it’s better to get hurt rather than know nothing about the truth. Well, that’s easy to say but very hard to do. However, when the act of being unfaithful doesn’t actually give real impact toward the relationship, is the vow being broken? Well, think again. People believe what they want to believe, right? And there’s no fact among us, it’s just only interpretation.

I close my eyes and dream of you and I and then I realize, there’s more to life than only bitterness and lies, I close my eyes. I’d give away my soul to hold you once again, and never let this promise end.” –Lara Fabian, Broken Vow




Tell me her name, I want to know, the way she looks and where you go
I need to see her face, I need to understand why you and I came to an end
Tell me again, I want to hear, who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night when I’m here all alone, remembering when I was your own

I’ll let you go, I’ll let you fly, why do I keep asking why?
I’ll let you go, now that I found a way to keep somehow, more than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said, show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch that one you promised to be mine, or has it vanished for all time

I close my eyes and dream of you and I and then I realize
There’s more to life than only bitterness and lies, I close my eyes
I’d give away my soul to hold you once again, and never let this promise end

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