Do I Wanna Know?

Thursday, July 21, 2016



There were times when life seemed so blur, and love seemed so untrue. Well, times like that would come again, eventually, since life is a never ending cycle of processes. There are times when love seems so uncertain, and heart feels like it could change anytime it wants. Those are times when I feel afraid toward my own feeling; of what I feel and think and want and need. Those are times when I’m scared of my own thought; of what I might say and do. Those are times when I have so many doubts whether to follow my head or my heart. Those are times when I have a lot of insecurities toward myself. For the life is so full of possibilities, do I want to know? For the answer could be anything, do I really want to know? For love has the ability to take us to heaven or to hell or both of them, do I want to know? For human’s heart is the most fickle thing ever existed in this world, do I really want to know? For desire and love are siblings yet never identical twins (Bauman, 2003:9), do I want to know? For we never know what tomorrow will bring and it might be turned upside down from today, do I really want to know?

Have you no idea that you’re in deep? I dreamt about you nearly every night this week. How many secrets can you keep? ‘Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat until I fall asleep; spilling drinks on my settee.” –Arctic Monkeys, Do I Wanna Know?

Whenever I feel like this life is so full of those uncertainty and shits, I just want to hear this song. Whenever I feel lonely, I just need to listen to this song. It’s called “Do I Wanna Know?”, performed by Arctic Monkeys, an English indie rock band. It was released on June 19th 2013 as the second single taken from the band’s fifth studio album, “AM”, which released later on September 9th 2013. The music video for this song was first released onto Youtube on June 18th 2013, directed by David Wilson with animation agency Blinkink. “Do I Wanna Know?” is a stoner rock with psychedelic music and blues rock elements track written by Arctic Monkeys’ frontman, Alex Turner. The song’s title encapsulates the entire premise of the story, the narrator wondering whether he wants to remain in doubt or know if his feelings are unrequited or mutual. There is a sick, exquisite kind of pain that comes with loving or lusting after someone you can’t have; this song’s lyrics perfectly encapsulate that.


"Do I Wanna Know?" single cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

Love is a mortgage loan drawn on an uncertain, and inscrutable, future (Bauman, 2003:8). But then again, people always fall for the temptation to fall in love, for its pseudo-promises of joy and all greatness in the world. However, all over again, that’s the trouble with love is. We can’t just brush it off like those shits that stick in your teeth. We can’t help but blushing by it. We can’t get it out of our mind. We even dream about it. We can even make a song out of it. And we even fall asleep while thinking of it. “Have you got colour in your cheeks? Do you ever get that fear that you can’t shift, the type that sticks around like something in your teeth? Are there some aces up your sleeve? Have you no idea that you’re in deep? I dreamt about you nearly every night this week. How many secrets can you keep? ‘Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat until I fall asleep; spilling drinks on my settee.” And it will slowly drive us insane, the wonder why it could happen and whether that person feels the same as we do.
The next thing we know, we’re infatuated with that person, and we’re intoxicated by love and desire. Often with this type of obsession we turn that person into something they are not or something they can never live up to. That’s why we ask to ourselves; do we face getting our feelings turned down? Or even worse, might we realize that that person is not the person we’ve made them to be in our head? “So have you got the guts? Been wondering if your heart’s still open, and if so I wanna know what time it shuts; simmer down and pucker up. I’m sorry to interrupt, it’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you. I don’t know if you feel the same as I do, but we could be together if you wanted to.” We offer everything on the table, though we aren’t sure that the feeling is mutual. We realize that we can recover by focusing on someone new, yet despite realizing this, we still decide not to. We’re in such desperate and vulnerable condition; we’re on our knees and can’t think of anyone else but our lover, despite the pain it’s been causing.
If you invest in a relationship, the profit you expect is first and foremost security: security in many senses (Bauman, 2003:13). However, promises of commitment are meaningless in the long term (Vermilion, 2001 in Burgess, 2002). So when there is no commitment, where is the security? Will you still love me tomorrow? That question will always haunt our mind every time. “Do I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways? Sad to see you go; was sort of hoping that you’d stay. Baby we both know that the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day.” Yet indeed it’s beyond our control; the person whom we always want to stay no matter how many times they leave. Yet indeed it’s beyond rationality; the person whom we always crawl back to no matter how many times we try to walk away. “Crawling back to you; ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? ‘Cause I always do. Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new. Now I’ve thought it through; crawling back to you.” Though there are no promises.


"AM" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

We want that person back, but they don’t need to commit; they can have anyone they want. We are left wondering do we wanna know if the feeling flows both ways. “Ever thought of calling darling?” We’re insecure. We can’t move on, so we’re crawling back. However, we aren’t certain that that person actually wants us back. This uncertainty itself is an unpleasant feeling, but putting ourselves out there means we risk humiliation if that person actually doesn’t want us. “Do you want me crawling back to you?” Loneliness spawns insecurity, but relationship seems to do nothing else. In a relationship, we may feel as insecure as without it, or worse (Bauman, 2003:15). Yet we keep craving on it; the longing to be desired, the illusion of joy, the delusion of love. And without we realize, we keep crawling back to that person who has the ability to fulfill it. And subconsciously, we’re just too busy being theirs to fall for somebody new. And we play it on repeat, for the night was mainly made for saying things that we can’t say tomorrow day.

Do I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways? Sad to see you go; was sort of hoping that you’d stay. Baby we both know that the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day.” –Arctic Monkeys, Do I Wanna Know?






Have you got colour in your cheeks? Do you ever get that fear that you can’t shift,
The type that sticks around like something in your teeth? Are there some aces up your sleeve?
Have you no idea that you’re in deep? I dreamt about you nearly every night this week
How many secrets can you keep? ‘Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you
Somehow and I play it on repeat until I fall asleep, spilling drinks on my settee

(Do I wanna know) if this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go) was sort of hoping that you’d stay
(Baby we both know) That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day
Crawling back to you, ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few?
‘Cause I always do, maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new
Now I’ve thought it through, crawling back to you

So have you got the guts? Been wondering if your heart’s still open
And if so I wanna know what time it shuts, simmer down and pucker up
I’m sorry to interrupt, it’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you
I don’t know if you feel the same as I do, but we could be together if you wanted to

(Do I wanna know) if this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go) was sort of hoping that you’d stay
(Baby we both know) that the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day
Crawling back to you (crawling back to you)
Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? (You’ve had a few)
‘Cause I always do (‘cause I always do)
Maybe I’m too (maybe I’m too busy) busy being yours to fall for somebody new
Now I’ve thought it through, crawling back to you

(Do I wanna know) if this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go) was sort of hoping that you’d stay
(Baby we both know) that the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day
(Do I wanna know?) Too busy being yours to fall
(Sad to see you go) ever thought of calling darling?
(Do I wanna know?) Do you want me crawling back to you?

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