Father

Friday, June 12, 2015


source: here

Thinking about moments of my life, there’s a thing that has always been a part of me; family. Since tomorrow is my father’s birthday, and this month’s theme makes me feel like writing about him, so I will write about him. My relationship with my father, hmmm, how should I put it? *sigh* It’s complicated. Well, to put it in a simple way: people say that fathers are every daughter’s first love; while for me, that’s true. But first love would break your heart eventually. And I guess that depicts the relationship between me and my father. I guess it’s way more complicated than any relationship I’ve had with any other man. I guess it’s because I took after him in many ways. We’re alike, not only in looks, but also in personalities. And when it comes to speak up about our true feelings toward each other, we’re the worst. I’m not a Daddy’s-little-girl kind of woman, and we find it hard to express our feelings toward each other. People say that every parent’s heart is the same. Well, every daughter’s heart is the same too. I know I barely talk to you, but I hope you understand, you’re my father and I’m your daughter no matter what; happy birthday, Pa, I love you.

We loved each other, we hated each other. But you cared for me more than anybody else, and that’s what I miss from you. You were close but I couldn’t step towards you, that’s right, I hated you.” –Insooni, Father (아버지)

Okay, I’m getting all teary and sentimental here writing about my dad, so here is today’s song for Moments Of Our Lives; a Korean classic hit titled “Father (아버지)”. The ballad song was performed by South Korea’s legendary female singer, Insooni. It was released on May 8th 2009 as the title song from Insooni’s 17th studio album. The song was Insooni’s greatest poem dedicated to her African-American father whom she felt distant from her. There’s a heartfelt background story of this song. It’s being said that Insooni felt uncomfortable singing this song, which is why she only agreed to record it after the word ‘father’ was taken out of the lyrics, which is why again, there’s not even one ‘father’ word in the lyrics, except for the song title. She later on said that this song helped her forgive and understand her father.


Insooni's 17th album cover - source: maniadb.com

Everything about family always got me personally, including this song. Even though the word ‘father’ is not mentioned in the song lyrics even once, the title “Father (아버지)” says it all. This song comes from a daughter to a father in particular, and a child to a father in general, that’s why it got me even more, since my relationship with my father is a rough one. When we were young, our fathers were our heroes. But as we grow older, we stop doing things together. As distance forms between us, misunderstandings appear, disappointments are being made, and resentments can’t be helped but being built by it. Father is daughter’s first love, and first love eventually breaks the heart. “I would like you to know why I couldn’t take a step closer, what my heart felt. Did you understand how much I wanted that? My tears said it all.” When all we need is for him to just be there and ‘be’ our father, it’s actually heartbreaking to see him being away from us. As we grow up, our fathers grow old too, and it’s actually heartwrenching to see him that way. People say that all parents’ hearts are the same and children will never understand. But sometimes they forget that children’s hearts are the same too. Parents can understand, yet most of the time they won’t. “Your lonely appearance is slowly fading and getting far away. It makes my heart aching again.”
Children-parents relationship probably are the most complicated relationship people have. It’s a love-hate relationship that will never come to an end. Perhaps because we find it hard to express our feelings when it comes to daughter-father things. “Please listen to my story. Time is all I need.” I might be not a parent yet, but I say it as a child; a father needs to listen, a daughter needs to speak up. It’s hard, I know, perhaps better than anyone else, but all we need is open our hearts and minds, and more time to get ready for that. “We loved each other, we hated each other. But you cared for me more than anybody else, and that’s what I miss from you. You were close but I couldn’t step towards you, that’s right, I hated you.” No matter what, father and daughter are tied by blood. There might be an ex-wife, but there will never be an ex-daughter. There might be an ex-boyfriend, but there will never be an ex-father. We may be disappointed at each other so many times, but we never stop loving each other too. We may despise each other all the time, but we never leave each other too. “We loved each other, we hated each other. But you cared for me more than anybody else, and that’s what I miss from you. Thing that I could only keep deep inside my heart, that’s right, I loved you. Words that I couldn’t say as time passing by, that’s right, I loved you.”


ALi performed "Father" on episode 86 of "Immortal Songs 2"


Hwang Chi Yeol performed "Father" on episode 199 of "Immortal Songs 2"

Up to this date, “Father (아버지)” has been performed twice in the Korean entertainment music program, “Immortal Songs 2: Singing the Legend”. The first one was during the Insooni special episode when it was performed by female soloist ALi. The episode 86 was aired on KBS television station on February 2nd 2013 and broadcasted by KBS World channel on February 23rd 2013. The last one was on the episode 199, which was the “Family: The Most Touching Word in the World” special episode, when the gorgeous male soloist Hwang Chi Yeol performed it. It was broadcasted by KBS television station on May 16th 2015, and later was aired on KBS World channel on June 6th 2015. Both ALi and Hwang cried a lot during their rehearsals, but also, in the end they both won the trophy for their heartfelt performances.

We loved each other, we hated each other. But you cared for me more than anybody else, and that’s what I miss from you. Thing that I could only keep deep inside my heart, that’s right, I loved you. Words that I couldn’t say as time passing by, that’s right, I loved you.” –Insooni, Father (아버지)








“Hangeoreumdo daga seol su eobseotdeon nae maeumeun ara jugireul
(I would like you to know why I couldn’t take a step closer, what my heart felt)
Eolmana barago barae watneunji nunmuri malhae junda
(Did you understand how much I wanted that? My tears said it all)

Jeomjeom meoreojyeo gabeorin sseulsseulhaetdeon dwitmoseube
(Your lonely appearance is slowly fading and getting far away)
Nae gaseumi dasi apaonda
(It makes my heart aching again)

Seoro sarangeul hago seoro miwodo hago nuguboda akkyeojudeon geudaega bogosipda
(We loved each other, we hated each other, but you cared for me more than anybody else, and that’s what I miss from you)
Gakkaie iseodo dagaseoji mothaetdeon geurae naega miwo haetseotda
(You were close but I couldn’t step towards you, that’s right, I hated you)

Jebal nae yaegil deureojuseyo sigani piryohaeyo
(Please listen to my story, time is all I need)

Seoro sarangeul hago seoro miwodo hago nuguboda akkyeojudeon geudaega bogosipda
(We loved each other, we hated each other, but you cared for me more than anybody else, and that’s what I miss from you)
Gaseum sok gipeun gose damadugiman haetdeon geurae naega sarang haetseotda
(Thing that I could only keep deep inside my heart, that’s right, I loved you)
Gin sigani jinado malhaji mothaetseotdeon geurae naega sarang haetseotda
(Words that I couldn’t say as time passing by, that’s right, I loved you)”

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